The day I gained two little brothers.

Saturday, Amariah, the kids, and I went to her friend Patty's church for a Christmas event.  My first time in a Mormon church.  It was fun!  We had a big breakfast and then spent the morning working on Christmas decorations that they were bringing to a domestic violence shelter.  Because I am not visually artistic in the least, I seated myself at the table that was making chains out of cut up wrapping paper made into loops.  It was so much fun!  The whole time that I was stapling away, I was talking to this girl from the church and asking her questions about the Mormon faith.

During the breakfast portion, I remembered to get some pictures.  In order, Andy, Amariah, and Soraya with me.  They're simply wonderful.  Aren't Amariah and Soraya beautiful?!

Late in the morning, Alex and his girlfriend, Ciara (pronounced like Sierra, not like the singer Ciara), picked me up from the church and took me to the club.  We just sat there for a bit talking with Alma and Francisco.  Originally, I think I was going to hang out with Alma for the afternoon, but then Alex invited me to the mall with him and Ciara.  So I went.  And I'm really glad I did.

We walked through this farmer's market in the parking lot of the mall and ate gelato in 40 degree weather because why not.  Then, we wandered around the mall for a bit, in and out of stores.  My favorite was this one called Fuego.  It had all sorts of weird and funny stuff in there.  Exhibit A:

Alex the chicken and Mal the elephant

Ciara the gorilla and Mal the (very very creepy) rabbit

From there, we headed to this awesome Tex-Mex place called Chuy's for lunch because when Alex asked me what kind of food I liked and I told him Mexican was my favorite, Ciara squealed, "Ooooo, we HAVE to take her to Chuy's!!!!"  She is loud and SO much fun.  So to Chuy's we went.  On the way, I sang for them.  Ed Sheeran, because Alex loves him, and then Jenny & Tyler and The Vespers because Ciara said she thought my voice would sound really good with folk music and they are the closest thing to folk I have.  I haven't sung in front of anyone in a long time, but apparently today was the day to quit that.

Lunch was so, so good.  I had these deluxe quesadillas that I wanted to eat a whole second plate of.  While we were eating, I told Alex and Ciara my testimony, because Alma had told all of us that I needed to do that, but I also got to hear some of theirs, too.  It may or may not have taken a little bit of nudging, but it worked. ;)  We got so caught up in talking that we sat at the table in the restaurant long after we had finished eating and paid for our meal.  (Okay, Alex paid.  I didn't have to buy anything after the airport  in Charlotte on Thursday until I headed to the airport on Monday.)

We got back to the house and hung out in Alex's room with Dennis.  When I got up there, they were messing around with Alex's old guitar.  Alex and Ciara decided to go buy a new set of strings to replace the one that had popped off, and I decided to hang back with Dennis since I really hadn't talked to him yet.  I showed him the very little I know about the guitar as I worked on tuning it, but then we ended up talking about school and his future and what he wants to do and I worked with him on his math homework.  He is such a great kid.  He thanked me constantly for helping him and apologized if he was bothering me, but I laughed and told him I wouldn't have offered to help if it was a bother!  He's quiet a lot of the time, but sometimes he's a total goofball.  He's kind, loves to serve, and is just all around so sweet.  When we were talking about his future, I just randomly decided to give him my email and told him to email me anytime he wanted or needed to talk, and then without thinking, I said that I could be like his big sister.  And he said, "Well, my mom did adopt you, so I guess you are my sister."  And I smiled and told him that I would be way cooler than Alex.  He smiled and told me, "I always wanted a sister.  And now I have one."  That was when my heart pretty much melted.

Soon enough, Alex and Ciara got back from the music store, and Alma and Francisco got back from...wherever they were (ha!), and we all congregated downstairs.  Ciara had to leave because she had a family thing that night, so I made sure to get one picture with her without us looking like possessed animals. ;)  She is so amazing.  I just love her.

Alex left early to go help get everything ready for night two of Luminaries, and Alma, Dennis, and I headed there a little while later.  There were a TON more people there because the weather had cleared up, and there were a lot more outdoor activities.  When we first got there, I did a little bit of Christmas karaoke.  Ha!  Apparently I really am getting used to stepping out of my comfort zone.  The rest of the night, I just wandered around the whole night, not relying on Alma to introduce me to people.  That was how comfortable I felt there.  It was like I was at a large, crazy, extended family reunion, but way better.

I told Dennis he had to take another picture with me that night since I'd realized he wasn't smiling in the one on Friday and I'd seen what a great smile he has.  Isn't he adorable?!  He made this his profile picture on Facebook, which made me very happy.

Mama Alma :) this picture was her idea, haha 

Steve, the crazy goofy and awesome photographer

At the last minute, I ended up crashing at Alma's house, which I was more than okay with once I learned that their dog could be kept up away from me.  I went to bed with a smile on my face.  The whole church had made me feel like family, but I was particularly touched by how my relationships had advanced with Alma, Alex, and Dennis.  I really did feel like I'd gained a beautiful-inside-and-out third mom (my British mum is my second one haha) and two amazing little brothers, and I knew they felt the same way about me as their daughter/sister.  Days 1-3 had simultaneously felt so long and lightning quick, I was not looking forward to how fast Sunday was going to go.

Santa Baby

Friday morning, I woke up just as Andy and Soraya were headed off to school.  Friday is cinnamon roll day in their house, so I had cinnamon rolls and eggs for breakfast.  Amariah, Ayden, and I headed off to "the club", where Amariah and Alma work.  They sell this health drink/shake called Herbalife.  I just hung out and watched them do what they do and met some of their friends/clients.  Eventually I took a nap in Amariah's dark office.  That was nice, because my headache was really bad, and it was pouring rain outside.

This is Ayden.  He's adorable.  And he loves selfies.

For lunch, we went to this place called Jason's Deli.  I got this AMAZING chicken pot pie soup that was quite true to its name.  It was delicious and perfect for a gray and rainy day.

After lunch, I went back to the LFMC because Chris invited me to come to Preach Practice, which is exactly what it sounds like.  Every Friday at 2:00, the pastors practice the sermons and things for the coming Sunday.  I got there early (of course), so I watched Chris and Ben O., another one of the pastors, play ping pong until everyone who needed to be there got there.

Chris and me :)

I couldn't stay, though.  Stupid head. :(

A few hours later, I was feeling better, so Alma, her husband Francisco and I got some dinner, and then we headed out to Luminaries.  Luminaries is a 2-night event held every December by the church, and it's just a big neighborhood Christmas event.  They had to cancel some of the stuff (hayride with Santa, for example) because of the weather, but there were some things to do, and people still came out.  People could still get pictures with Santa in a cabin and do crafts in the main community center building.  The rain did manage to stop for the evening, but the park where everything was held was pretty muddy.  We stayed there until about 9:00, and I spent pretty much the whole night just wandering around talking to people and having Alma and Chris telling me they needed to introduce me to someone.

Pictures!  Because there's not much else to say about this.

Ben D, another guy (I'm not totally sure what his role is exactly) who I'd met earlier at Preach Practice

I was told I needed to get a picture on Santa's lap.  So I got a picture on Santa's lap.  I don't know the last time I did that.  At the very end of the night, Chris yelled at me from across the yard in front of the cabin "Mallory!  Come take a picture with me and Santa!"  So I did that again.  But that time I was sitting next to Santa. ;)

Phil, the youth pastor.  I had met him and his wife, Brandee, and their beautiful baby girl, the night before at the Effie Center.  Brandee was the one who informed me that Chris was a verb.  "You got Plekenpol-ed!" she told me (Plekenpol is Chris' last name) when I told her about how Chris initially got me to join The City and share my testimony with a group of total strangers.

This was one of the youth kids (Scott, I think his name was?) who randomly came up to me and asked me if he could put on my glasses for a minute.  So I took a picture with him.  Because why not?

Mama Alma!  She's amazing.  She was already telling me I'd been adopted by this point. :)

Dennis on the left and Alex on the right, Alma's boys.  Dennis is 13, 14 in February, and Alex turns 18 on New Year's Eve.  Only I would make you take a picture with me within 5 minutes of meeting you.  I didn't realize until much later that they weren't even smiling.  I made up for that. ;)  Funny but true - when I first met Alex, I said, "Apparently, I've been adopted into the family," and Alex nodded and casually responded, "Yeah, my mom adopts a lot of people."  That's Alma for you. :)

After everything was over, Amariah took me back to her place so I could get a shower and go to bed.  I was pretty exhausted, and she was taking Andy and Soraya to the youth lock-in for a few hours (Alma was taking Ayden to her house while they were there).  I took a long shower, and then spent quite a bit messing around on my phone, but I was still passed out cold long before they came home.

Hello, Austin!!!!

Today started off rough.  Mom and I were both woken up at 3 am because Chelsea was screaming.  Chelsea was screaming incessantly because Blake wouldn't sleep (because he wasn't feeling well, mind you), and apparently if she doesn't get to sleep, neither of us do, either.  So I only got three hours of sleep.  That was fun.

But I dragged myself out of bed at 4:30.  I did the usual getting ready stuff while I listened to Mom and Chelsea yell at each other (of course), and then Mom and I left just after 5:30.  God bless that woman for getting up that early for me.  The Jacksonville airport is TINY.  Like, there are 3 gates tiny.  So making my flight wasn't a problem, even though I didn't get there until 35 minutes before the plane was due to leave.

The Jacksonville-Charlotte flight isn't even 45 minutes.  But I spent the whole time talking to this Marine wife who, poor thing, was taking her wild 21-month-old to Buffalo, NY, while pregnant.  I tried to help her best I could because he kept throwing things all over the place.  It was a nice conversation.

Charlotte's airport is, I think, bigger than Raleigh.  I didn't have to leave the terminal, but there are 38 gates in the terminal I was in and they were split into three sections and I had to go to the very end of the biggest section for my connection.  They, of course, moved my flight to that gate.  I also stopped at a sports grill and scarfed down a $10 panini in that hour.  But I made it!

I made it because, for some strange reason, there are some gates in the airport that board two planes at the same time.  My gate was one of them.  So we couldn't even board our plane until the other plane boarded.  And then we got held up in line with all the other planes.  So even though we were supposed to leave at 9:20, we didn't leave until after 10:00.  I couldn't sleep on that plane for some reason.  It was rough.  I got to Austin 45 minutes after I thought I would, but thankfully, my ride was still standing there waiting by the baggage claim.

My ride, Gary, a man from the church, drove me to Amariah's house.  Amariah is the woman who let me stay at her apartment.  Her two oldest kids were still at school, at it was only about 12:30 Austin time, but I got to meet her sweet baby Ayden.  All I basically did was drop my bag off before we loaded right back up to go to Alma's house.  Alma is the oh so gracious woman who sponsored my coming, and is also Amariah's best friend.  We had chicken spaghetti for lunch, and sat there talking for a bit before we headed out to the Live for More Center.

The Live for More Center (LFMC) is basically where everything happens for the church besides the actual services.  It's where the pastors' offices are, where events like youth groups and the after school program are held...you get the picture.  So we went there to meet Chris.  Yes, as in Pastor Chris, the guy that I've talked about multiple times on this blog over the past year.  He was headed out to the main area as we were headed in, and I immediately dropped my purse when I saw him, and he gave me a huge hug.  It was such a cool feeling.  In that moment, that voice on the phone suddenly became a real person in front of me.  It took me a few minutes to wrap my head around the fact that I was there with him.  Amariah only stayed a few minutes before she had to get back because her other kids, Andy and Soraya, were getting home from school, but Alma, Chris, and I went and sat on the couches.  Chris immediately started asking me questions about how things have been: school, health, family, my faith.  It was very touching to see how much he remembered and thought to ask about; one of the most humbling about the connection I've had with him for the past year is that he's put so much effort in investing in my life when there was no guarantee I'd ever meet him and he had a whole congregation right in front of him who needs him.

Two really cool things happened while we were sitting there.  One, a woman named Amanda and her husband Rod came in.  Amanda is a woman I connected with through The City (the church's social network) who reached out to me because she has thyroid cancer.  Chris was like, "You two know each other?"  And I said, "Yep.  We have a bond.  A thyroid bond."  Ha!  Second, while I was talking to Chris, I brought up Muria, the woman he asked me to have a phone call with back at the end of October, and I randomly decided to call her while we were sitting there.  She told Chris that I called her at exactly the right time because this was a particularly rough day for her.  I love when God makes himself known like that. :)

Also, Alma mentioned Community Groups to Chris, and Chris said I should definitely go to a Community Group.  It turned out that one of the Thursday night Community Groups (there's one pretty much every day) is hosted by Tate, a guy I connected with through The City because he's also from NC.  So I decided to go to that that night.  I ended up hanging out at the LFMC for the rest of the afternoon because Alma had stuff to do and so I could see what the church's after school program, the Effie Center, was like.

So I stayed there for the Effie Center and helped out with that and just hung out and got to meet some of the youth, as well as the volunteers that day, some whom knew me through The City and just randomly called my name before even telling me who they were.  That cracked me up!  If I wasn't....well, ME, I'd feel like a bit of a celebrity thanks to them.  Hanging out with high school kids was...interesting.  Needless to say, I do not miss high school.  But they were nice kids, and I loved how they all actually enjoyed being there.

After the Effie Center was Community Group.  I got a ride to Tate's house, which was funny because it was literally only a couple blocks away.  Chris hadn't told Tate or his wife, Debbie, that I was coming, so I just sort of awkwardly walked up to the house and knocked.  Thankfully, this is a church that is rather used to random strangers showing up at people's houses. ;)  Of course, that was the one Thursday that Tate couldn't be there because he had tickets to a concert that he bought a long time ago, but I got to sit and talk to Debbie for a bit until other people showed up (it started at 7:00, I got there about 6:30).  Most people couldn't be there that night, but some did come.  One woman, Erinn, when Debbie introduced me, her jaw just about hit the ground!  It was funny.

Community Group that night was actually CHRISTmas.  And yes, the caps are intentional.  We were bringing Christmas to a family in need...which just so happened to be Amanda and her family.  So we carpooled over to Amanda's family's apartment, ate pizza, watched them open gifts, and just sat and enjoyed talking.

Believe it or not, this is the only picture I got all day.  It's a good sign when you're so busy enjoying life that you forget to get any pictures of it. :)

Around 9:00, people were leaving, so I had Alma come pick me up and take me back to Amariah's house.  Andy and Soraya didn't want to go to bed until they met me, which I thought was so sweet.  They really are adorable kids.  Soraya loved to hug me.  After Amariah got them to go to bed, I took a shower, and then sat and talked to Amariah for a bit.  Around 11:00 I went to bed and absolutely crashed.  I guess 3 hours of sleep, a 21-hour day, and flying halfway across the country is a good recipe for solid sleep.  Go figure.

This is what happens when I get bored.

I decide today will be the day that I do this.

Hahahaha.  I'd been planning to cut my hair off during this break for a while now, but wasn't planning on doing it today.  And then I got out of the shower today and realized that I probably should do it today because I have Texas and then surgery and then Christmas and New Year's.  So I called up one salon in town, and they were booked, and then I called another one (I'm honestly not sure if there are more than two.) and they said I could come in any time, so I called Mommom, and she was already on her way over anyway.  So I now look like this.

I like it.

I'm about to go watch the winter finale of Nashville with Mom and then head straight to bed afterwards because I have to be up at 4:30.  Texas!!! AH!

As I did when I was in Nashville, I won't be blogging while I'm gone.  I'm not bringing my computer because I don't want to have to check a bag (and I probably won't much feel like being on it anyway).  I'm sure I'll be posting on my Twitter and Instagram quite a bit, though.  So you'll have something to check if you feel like checking in on me. :)

An Anchor

Remember how when I was in Nashville, I ended up in the ER, and the doctor found a new mass on my thyroid?  And how that was the first time I learned that your thyroid could even grow back, let alone that mine had and had grown another tumor along with it?

Yeah, I finally got to go to my ENT today to get that checked out.  She said that because the only scan I'd had was an X-ray, there was a chance nothing would be there because X-rays are notoriously unreliable at seeing thyroids and other glands that are just sheer tissue.  I wanted to believe that that was the case, that we wouldn't find anything, but I think all morning I was expecting pretty much exactly what we found.

My doctor, whom I love and respect so much and who treated me like I had just seen her last month as opposed to the several years it'd been, said if there was actually a mass in there, that because I wasn't having any symptoms that would indicate there was a problem, it would be fine if we left it in there to deal with later, like in the summer after graduation.  I understood what she was saying and where she was coming from, but I told her I'd rather deal with whatever it is now over this break, since come summer I'll be dealing with moving to wherever I end up for grad school.

Thankfully, my doctor's office is in a massive complex (a bunch of buildings right next to each other, not connected or anything but they even share one giant parking lot) and there is a radiology clinic right across from my doctor's clinic.  So they called the radiology clinic, and they were able to fit me in for an ultrasound if I waited a little bit.  I headed over there about 11:15, and was back getting my ultrasound by 11:50.  That took about 25 minutes because the tech had the wrong information so she didn't know exactly what she was looking for and then decided to start all the way over once I cleared things up for her.  By the time I got back to my doctor's office, the radiologist had gone to lunch, so he wasn't going to read it for a while.  Mommom had to get back to get Blake to an appointment, so my doctor said I could go home and she would call me later once she got the report and was able to read it.

Right around 3:30, she called me.  It turns out, that X-ray in Nashville was telling the truth.  Pretty much the entire right half of my thyroid has grown back, along with a sliver of the left half.  The ultrasound found two tumors, possibly more.  The doctor reiterated that I didn't have to have surgery right now, but she wasn't telling me to do it or not to do it, that she would do whatever I wanted.  I told her about how when I was 6 and I had absolutely no symptoms of any problem, and then one day I woke up and it looked like I'd swallowed a golf ball, and I would just really feel better if we dealt with this now so I didn't have a chance of it causing me any trouble in the middle of my last semester.  I had already talked to my mom about this last night, so I knew she also would rather me have surgery now.

So I'm having surgery next Wednesday.  Wednesday is my doctor's weekly surgery day, and the two following Wednesdays are Christmas and New Year's, and then I go back to school on the 5th.  So we really had only one option, and it was fine with me.  I have pre-op stuff next Tuesday at 9:45, and I won't know the time to be at the hospital on Wednesday until then.

I was feeling pretty good once I hung up the phone.  I first tried calling Mom and Mommom, but neither answered, so I started texting everyone that I knew would want to know.  Despite the fact that everyone was so kind and supportive, that was when the nerves started to set in.  As I told a few people today, surgery doesn't get any less freaky and unnerving even when it's your 20th one.  I was expecting this to be how today turned out; I just really, really wanted to be wrong.

I've had several people tell me out of being complimentary and encouraging that I never question God's plan.  Thinking about that tonight reminded me of a conversation I had with a (relatively new) friend last night, and I thanked him for letting me see into his struggles a bit, and he responded, "You thought I didn't have struggles?"  Lest you be one to believe the same thing, let me be the first to clear that up.  I question.  A LOT.  Especially when it comes to my health.  I just am never able to stay in that mindset.  It's hard to ignore God is here working in this when I am surrounded by so much love, even from afar.  And God is so good that He always works things for His glory and His children's good.  There's no question about that.  A friend prayed over me tonight, and in that he said that God has brought me through 19 surgeries, all of which happened when I didn't even believe in the God that I know to be real and alive now, and that we just ask that He bring me through a 20th.

And you know what?  He WILL.  I'm going to be fine.  This is just going to be another piece of the story that I have to tell anyone who will listen to me about Jesus and how he died to save broken people like me.  How I have hope despite the fact that "my life absolutely blows" (according to a dear friend of mine, who meant it out of love and said it in the middle of encouragement) because God has redeemed so many things that I thought could never be made beautiful.  Sure, my life doesn't look the way I'd hoped it would or wanted it to, but underneath the negative emotions that I know will eventually fade, I rest in a foundation of hope in the arms of my Father who never fails to protect me and bring me through the storms.  I can't drown with an anchor like that to hold on to.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19

Ways God showed up today.

Without fail, I can't spend more than 48 hours in this house without my sinuses deciding to stage a revolt.  God bless the makers of Sudafed and NyQuil.

I've made it through another day (pretty much, since Chelsea is in bed, Mom is watching TV, and I'll have my headphones in working on papers) without losing my cool, so I'm very grateful for that.

I also managed to get the arm of my glasses replaced.  It's very weird to have a burgundy arm when the rest of my glasses is orange, but I'd rather have it look like this than worry about my glasses coming untaped while I'm in Texas this weekend.

Oh, and my right eye has been turning in really badly lately (as you can probably tell in the pictures I've posted), so when we were getting my glasses fixed, we decided to set up an appointment for me.  The doctor at the clinic that I've seen basically since we moved to Swansboro when I was 4 has cut her time, and she is taking a 3-week trip in January, so she was pretty much booked well into February.  Or so we thought.  The receptionist checked while we were talking and she found (and confirmed) that my doctor has one afternoon that she is in office, the day after Christmas of all things, and she had one appointment left that day.

And my friends...oh my sweet friends.  They're angels.  That's all I can really say.

I need you to stand with me.

Summation of my day:  Lots of sleep.  When I was awake, I was dealing with Chelsea and Blake by myself because Mom hasn't come out of her room.  I'm stuck in the living room because I currently don't have a bedroom, so there was no escape.  I completed my take-home Model UN final, and then listened to music as much as possible until Chelsea and Blake finally went to bed.

I'll be honest.  I don't want to be in Swansboro.  I want to be back at Campbell where I don't feel so emotionally exhausted every second of every day, where I feel loved and wanted and accepted unconditionally.  I survived today, which means I have 27 days before I go back.  Aside from this Thursday morning to next Monday evening when I'm in Texas (ahh!!!), I will be in this house, with these people.

The idea is daunting.  I already have 5 major writing assignments from this semester that I have to work on over break, plus grad school applications (4 of the 6 are due in the first two weeks of January), plus possibly having surgery.  But I am here.  And they don't get to dictate my feelings while I'm here.  I don't want to spend every second completely miserable just because I don't like being here.  I don't want to constantly be in tears or on the verge of them because we just got in another fight and I hate myself all over again for what I said.  I want to show them that I'm not in control in my life, but neither are they.  I want to show them that God is my King, that He rules my heart so much that I am consumed by His love and grace.

I'm ready to be different.  I know I've said that before, but this time, there's actually a real resolve in my heart to make it happen.  I'm tired of the way things have been for so long, not just for me, but for them, too.  I want to be so at peace that it makes them go "What is going on with you?".  The fact that I am a Christian and have faith in God scares them enough as it is; if my actions finally start to reflect that, I know it will absolutely blow their minds.  I can't put the pressure on myself to be the one who makes them see Jesus, but as Austin told me on Friday as he tried to calm my nerves about coming here for break, I may be the seed planter.  And that's still important.  We all need something better.

Y'all, I can't do this alone.  And yes, I mean that it's going to take the supernatural strength of the Lord to change me from the inside out.  But what I also mean, what I need all of you for, is that I need the prayers of my sisters and brothers in Christ backing me up.  One of the biggest lessons I've learned over the past few months is the true power of prayer, that I really can feel the prayers of the people who love me even when we aren't in the same place.  So even though I feel selfish in saying this, I need you to pray for me over the next 4 weeks.  Pray that every time I want to respond in anger and hate, I stop myself.  Pray that I learn to love them more than I resent them.  Pray that this is the beginning of change, if not in my family, in my heart.  Pray that when I go back to Campbell on January 5th, they see me differently.  Pray that no matter what happens, I am filled with the joy of the Lord, the joy that is founded on how good God is and not my worldly circumstances.  And pray I am able to forgive myself when I screw this up, that I remember my forgiveness is already secured in God's eyes.

I can't do this alone.  For once, I'm self-aware enough to admit that.

He was brutally handsome, and she was terminally pretty.

My sleep schedule could not have been more off during this finals week.  But today I woke up at 6:30 (after only about 4 hours of sleep) knowing that this was the last day I'd be waking up this early for quite some time, and I didn't really mind it at all.  I didn't want this semester to end.

I got ready and headed to my 8 am Presidency final in the rain.  Boo.  But I made a stop over by Austin's room to pray one last time over him before he left for break.  I don't really want to talk about why I felt like I needed to pray over him because it's not my place to talk about his life, but I will say that I had that feeling that I needed to go see him and pray since I woke up, and I'm really glad I did.

After the final, I took a nap until 11:00.  It turns out, I was wrong about the bookstore hours, or they changed them this year, so I couldn't go return my books.  It's no big deal, I'll just return them when I buy next semester's books.  When I woke up, I finished last minute stuff, and my RA showed up right at 11:30 to do the checkout.  Since I didn't know exactly when my ride would get there, and it was freezing and gray out, she let me stay in my room once she knew I'd done everything necessary, and just told me to text her when I actually left.

Mom ended up not coming to the basketball game this afternoon, so Holly had to come pick me up.  She arrived a few minutes before noon.  We packed my stuff in her car (thankfully after this many years, I learned I really don't need to bring as much stuff home as I think I do), grabbed lunch from Bojangles, and headed to Raleigh.

Our first stop was a brand new experience for me...a Wolfpack basketball game!!!!  I was pretty much in heaven.  I'd never even been inside the arena before, and it was so cool.  This was the view from our seats, and I loved it.

The game was great.  We won.  The experience was cool, but not as great as it could have been because the place was far from packed since we weren't playing a conference or any big name.  I didn't really care, though.  I had a blast.  And it was a lot of fun to be there with Holly.

Ignore the fact that I'm not even looking at the camera, ha!  It was a little jarring to realize how much faster basketball games go compared to football games.  I guess it's something to do with the 20 minutes less playing time, and the fact that they don't have to put a whole new team on the field every time the ball changes possession. ;)  We left the arena just after 4:00 (the game started at 2:00).  On the way out, I took a picture of this.  Sort of like how I take a picture of the entrance to Carter-Finley Stadium every time we go to a football game.  Oh the memories. :)

And I just really like this giant picture of Mr. and Mrs. Wuf on the outside of the arena.

After that, Holly and I headed to a nearby Mexican restaurant that she loves, Cueva de Lobos.  That's Spanish for "Den of Wolves".  It felt rather fitting after a Wolfpack win! :)  We sat at the bar and had a drink while we waited to hear from Mom, and I got caught up talking to the guy next to us about the Kansas/Colorado basketball game on TV.  He and I both love seeing a ranked team (Kansas) lose to an unranked team (Colorado).  It didn't look like it was going to happen, as Colorado went from being up 14 points to them being tied with just a few seconds left.  The guy and I were talking about how Kansas would likely kill Colorado in overtime, but then the coolest thing happened!  Colorado had 3.9 seconds on the clock, got all the way down the court, and a guy was a few feet behind the 3-point line and just FLUNG the ball at the buzzer.  AND IT WENT IN.  Now, I have no attachment to Colorado, but I do like seeing Colorado lose (after they were the team to eliminate us at the Sweet Sixteen 2 seasons ago), and that was just an incredible shot.  Holly and I ate some delicious quesadillas and tacos, and around 6:00 we each got changed for where we were headed next.

Mom finally arrived at 6:30, and we headed off to the theater!  For Holly's birthday this past Tuesday, Mom bought tickets to see "We Will Rock You" at a very nice theater in downtown Raleigh.  We'd actually been here several years ago to see "Jesus Christ Superstar".  We Will Rock You is a stage production, but it's also like a rock show, all (obviously) centered on the music of the phenomenal band Queen.  Holly and I both acquired most of our music taste from Mom, so we grew up on Queen, so we were thrilled.  I actually only got to go because Mom's boyfriend is out of town at a work conference and her best friend had to go to a family funeral.

These are the seats we had, though...the view was PERFECT.  And we were on an aisle row, so we had a ton of leg room.

However, I didn't make it to intermission before I realized my head/eyes could not handle the lights in the show.  We only tried it out since my neurologist said my seizures aren't epileptic, and thus strobe lights shouldn't be a problem, but I was seeing stars.  I didn't want to ruin Holly's birthday, so I chose to just go sit in the lobby.  It gave me a chance to charge my phone some, and talk to the very nice bartenders.  They were a ton of fun.  One of them, Casey (the brutally handsome boy of the night :p), kept cracking jokes the whole night on David, because he's a redhead and the world is full of ginger jokes.  Casey also was very sweet and gave me a free water and giant cookie.  

Also, because I just cannot meet someone new without sticking my foot in my mouth at some point, here's my foot-in-mouth moment of tonight:

Casey: (after making some joke about David) Oh come on, everyone knows gingers have no souls!  Don't you watch South Park?  He's fine. (and then he winked at me)

Me: Hey, just because you're Mr. All-American Boy doesn't mean you get to pick on him.

Casey: Actually, I'm Canadian.

.......Oops.  Luckily, we all just laughed, but I sure felt like a total dork.

The nice thing was that even though I was in the lobby, there were speakers out there, so I could still hear all the incredible music and sing along to my favorite Queen songs.  A lady who was working out there also convinced me to do this...

Hey, I always wanted to be a singer. ;)  This may or may not be my new Facebook and Twitter profile picture.  Haha!  Why not, right?  By the time Casey, David, and the other bartender had finished breaking down the bar and headed downstairs, people had started filing out.  (Why people left before the end of the show, I will never understand.)  The first people who stopped to take a picture with the photo props, the mom couldn't work the camera, so I took the picture for them.  And then someone else asked me to take their picture...and before I knew it, I was taking so many photos for people that Mom and Holly walked out and Mom laughed and asked, "So are you the official photographer now?"  Good thing I like taking pictures. :)

We were out of there by 10:20, dropped Holly at her car at Cueva (we switched my stuff from Holly's car to Mom's car before we went to the theater), and then Mom and I headed back to Swansboro.  We listened to music the entire way and sang at the top of our lungs.  And those moments of singing harmonies to the songs of Nashville (the TV show), the Doobie Brothers, Fleetwood Mac, and the Eagles (the credit for the title of this post, it's just a great line) with my mom?  Those are the moments that make me think being here, instead of at Campbell, might actually be okay.

(I didn't fall asleep until after 3 am, and I had a killer headache by the time we got home just after 1, so that's why I'm actually writing this on Sunday night.)

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.

Since the day after Thanksgiving, I feel like everywhere I turn, people (mostly women, let's be honest) have been shouting about how they looooooove the Christmas season because they feel like they're allowed to unashamedly play Christmas music.  Now don't get me wrong, I love the Christmas season as much as the next person, especially now that a) I'm a Christian and b) I get to experience it all with Blake.  But here's the thing.  I feel like I'm the only person I know who isn't playing and obsessing over Christmas music 24/7.  And I don't mean that in judgment, I just mean I keep wondering why I don't love Christmas music as much as anyone else.  It feels especially weird knowing how much music speaks to me in every other situation, you know?

All of that to say, I've had that particular lyric in the title of this post, from "O Holy Night", in my head all night.  It feels rather fitting, really, because I've definitely been weary today.  It's one of those days where you just want it to hurry up and be over, so of course it seems to be crawling by.  A bunch of things going on that, by themselves, normally wouldn't make you feel like you're being kicked in the stomach repeatedly, but together, just make you feel so...defeated.

Dreading leaving Campbell tomorrow for four solid weeks, wondering if this break is going to be like all the others.  Knowing I want to be different but being scared that I'm never going to get it right.

Only sleeping about 3 hours last night, and totally not feeling well at all today.

Family drama.

Friends I held dear not really being friends at all.  And that making me wonder if the friends who have been so utterly loyal to me as of late are going to get tired of me and leave, too.

Fear over stupid things that a clear-headed me wouldn't even bother with.  (Example:  See above.)

See.  I'm all in all weary.

But as I was sitting here, unable to stop thinking about that lyric, I knew I had to get my head out of the mindset of thinking about all of the negative stuff.  And then I realized something.

Yes, the song says the world is weary, but that's far from the point of it.  The point is that the hope came (Jesus' birth, obviously), and that same world that had been weary?  It rejoiced.

Because I know who Jesus is and I know what he did for me so long ago, I always have something to rejoice about, even when it doesn't seem like it at first.

Jesus came to give me light in the darkness of my family, so I could be their light.

Jesus came to show me that I could be loved unconditionally, no matter how many times I mess up.

Jesus came to heal my broken heart, over and over again.

Jesus came to restore my broken family.

Jesus came to destroy fear.

Jesus came to give me rest in the middle of an exhausting world.

The best part is that the excitement of the Savior's arrival didn't end when he came.  One of the things I love most about the Lord that I love and serve is that Jesus rose.  He defeated death.  My God is here, alive, moving every day, more than two thousand years after that sweet little baby was born in a barn.  We have just as much reason to rejoice now as the shepherds and wise men who went to visit him while he laid in a manger did.

And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't help but focus on all the ways I saw God's presence in my life today, despite how messed up a lot of it felt.

Having breakfast with Summer, and just sitting there talking to her about life.  Knowing that I will get up after only 3 hours of sleep on my "free day" way earlier than I normally would if it means I get to be with people, especially ones that I love.

Getting to share my testimony with Zack, a new friend from my church, but also getting to listen to some of his story and things that were on his mind.  Having this guy that I really don't know all that well telling me that I inspire him to get closer to God.

Going over to see Austin and giving him the letter I wrote for him last night.  He read it as I sat there, and then told me that it was exactly what he needed to hear...Realizing that it was God all along telling me to write that letter last night, and giving me the right words to share with him.  Praying over Austin and feeling God there with us.  There's something so powerful when two believers join hands to pray together.  When I left, I was thanking God for giving me the chance to bless Austin so deeply.

The kindness of strangers.

The freeing feeling I can get when I cry, and for once not feeling alone when I did.

A friend of mine sending me a long message of encouragement and support and ending it with "I'm not religious but I know you are so I'll say a prayer for you!"  And knowing that people see my faith.

Seeing God move in what is happening with me right now, being reminded that He is here even when I don't always feel Him, even when I wonder if my prayers get anywhere beyond the ceiling, it's EXCITING!  It gives me hope about the problems and prayers that haven't been answered yet, because I know that my God is never going to stop working.  Better yet, I have a life waiting for me in His presence that's never going to go anywhere because He loves His children enough to become flesh and take on our sin, my sin, so we don't have to pay the price.  And it all started with a newborn King who came to bring joy to a weary and broken world, fulfilling a prophecy that had been preached for thousands of years.

And do you remember what the line after "a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices" is?

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Tomorrow's a new day.  A day for new mercies, another chance to honor the Lord with what I say and do, new and resurrected hope.

And that's why I'm going to be okay.

The Highlights

Lunch with Jay: As great as it always is. The perfect blend of normal friend talk and him being a complete dork and making me laugh hysterically.  Saying goodbye to him was not easy.  Surprisingly, when he hugged me (or mauled me, rather. like Jay does), he immediately said, "I'm gonna miss you."  Which for a words of affirmation girl like me is always touching to hear.  Are some of the friendships I made this semester going to take more effort next semester?  Yep, definitely.  But these people are worth it.

20th century Foreign Relations final: About what I expected.  I'll be happy if I get a B in the class.

Dinner with Austin: So good.  I calculated it tonight, and it's only been 38 days since that night that he showed up in my dorm, but I feel like I've known him for years.  He has been the biggest gift and the coolest surprise about this semester.  And thankfully, I didn't have to say goodbye to him quite yet (we're both leaving Saturday morning) because I have something to give him tomorrow.

Realizing the bookstore is open on Saturday, which means I don't have to turn my books in tomorrow, which means I don't have to do my prep essays for my Saturday final until tomorrow: A really good feeling for a college student in finals week. Procrastination for the win!

Glee: One of the strangest hours of TV I've seen in a long time.

Scandal: Gets creepier by the episode.

Setting up plans for tomorrow, with old friends and new friends: PRICELESS.