Sunday, January 5, 2014

One Word: 2014

I put off writing this post until now for a few reasons, despite the fact that I've known what my word was going to be for several days: I've been waiting on my button to get done (I'm going ahead and posting it because it'll apparently be a little while), I haven't had the energy to sit down and write about this in the past few days, and considering what my word is it seemed appropriate to write about this today when I'm (finally!) back at Campbell and also about to dive headfirst into a crazy busy and emotional few months.

This is from the post I wrote on the 1st, and it's what helped me to choose my word for the year.

This year has a lot in store.  My last semester, finishing up everything from last semester, grad school applications, deciding where I'll be spending the next two years of my life, graduation, and then adjusting to life as an adult out of my Campbell bubble.  I don't know what God's going to do with me in all of this.  What I do know is that if there's any time that I need to find rest, this is it.  I won't survive this year without it.

I wasn't intending on writing that when I started, but the best things are often surprises.  I also didn't know what my One Word was going to be until I wrote that section.  Immediately after that, it just jumped out at me.  My One Word for 2014 is

If I thought my life was complicated before, it's about to hit epic proportions.  Everything I know is going to change.  I'll simultaneously be getting what I've dreamed of for years, which is to get out of North Carolina (hopefully I won't be stuck at State for grad school) and out on my own not tied to my family, and getting rid of everything that has felt normal to me for a very long time.  My entire family, even extended members, are freaking out about me moving away because of all my health issues and especially because of how crazy everything was last semester, and that's lately been rubbing off on me and really making me freak out, too, as everything gets closer.  And speaking of health issues, everyone is convinced that my seizures the past few months were from stress, which is another reason why rest is so important.

It's not even rest in a physical sense, because Lord knows that with everything going on, I'm not going to have extra time for that.  It's mental rest that I need.  I'm having a hard time figuring out how to describe exactly what I envision this looking like, but here's what it means to me right now.

The rest I seek is about turning to God when I feel myself hitting panic mode.  It's about picking up my Bible to find solace sometimes instead of always picking up the phone or computer to contact a friend.  It's about learning who God is on a deeper level so I understand where my peace comes from.  It's about my continual struggle in letting go of control.  It's about trusting that He has the details of my future already worked out for my benefit.  It's about stepping back and letting Him lead me instead of always trying to lead myself.

God is the only rock that I can rely on.  I know it, but I have an awful time acting like I know it.  (That makes me think of an interesting discussion I was having with a friend on words vs. actions, but that will have to be another post.)  A strong relationship with Him, a solid trust in who He is and what He will do for the children He loves so desperately, those are the things that will give me the foundation and the peace to get through this crazy but exciting year.  This isn't about what I can or will do, though.  It's about the strength of my Father who will take any measures necessary to hold on to me.

I need God in a completely new way this year, and I want to rest in the fact that He and I both know that I am already His, so everything else is secondary.

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