Well, my seizures are back. I had four of them tonight, two in my night class (which is, ironically, Emergency Preparedness Management) and two outside my dorm when I got back from the hospital. And I'm aggravated. Really aggravated. I thought I was past that, but instead, my seizure medicine has gotten below the normal level in my blood again. I don't understand what is going on and why things just keep piling up on me.
But being aggravated gets me nowhere. So I've been sitting here trying to figure out what to write for tonight's post, and I forced myself to look for the blessings, because I knew they had to be there. And they were. They are.
Like how before all this went down tonight, I got to have lunch with my friend Zack who asked if he could talk to the leaders of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes campus chapter to see if I could be one of their guest speakers because he said "people need to hear me". And how I had dinner with Austin right before this night class and was able to pray over him.
And how a firefighter and two guys jumped right up from their desks and ran over as quickly as they could to help me as soon as I told my professor that one was coming on, despite them not even knowing my name. Or just the fact that there were people who had dealt with seizures before in my class at all.
And how my professor wasn't mad at me.
And how I knew I needed to get my shunt checked out because I fell on that side of my head and slammed it into the hard floor when I started seizing before that firefighter could get to me, and when Mom unknowingly called me while I was in the ambulance, she didn't get mad at me.
And how Campus Safety took my bookbag and laptop to their office so I didn't have to worry about bringing it with me.
And how my vision cleared up before I got to the hospital.
And how I had a doctor I've never seen before, but he listened to me.
And how my shunt was okay, despite the center of the pain being right on top of the pump/valve in my head.
And how there was an actual reason behind this, that my seizure med is too low in my blood, and so I didn't feel crazy.
And how my soccer buddy, Justin, didn't mind coming out to pick me up at all, so that I didn't have to get charged by Campus Safety for a ride, even though this was the first night we'd spent any time together outside of the soccer games. And he brought Bryce with him, so I got to see that sweet friend of mine.
And how Justin bought me food, even though I had money with me.
And how they came around to my side of the car to hug me when we got to my dorm, so I could sit back down when I felt bad again, and Bryce was right there to catch me.
And how two girls, Morgan and Heather, just so happened to be outside and see what was going on, and rushed to help. And I had met Morgan briefly through church, and they ran to get a blanket and pillow from their room and helped Justin and Bryce the whole time.
And how the boys helped me get inside and the girls carried my stuff inside, and they didn't leave until they were sure I was okay.
And how the girls insisted that I borrow one of their fans, because my room felt stuffy to them.
And how before I insisted they all leave because it was 11:00 and they'd spent so much time taking care of me, we all joined hands for prayer. And Bryce spoke for the group and nearly moved me to tears with what he said. And I realized yet again that I do have friends, real friends, even in people I thought could never really love me. And he didn't stop rubbing my hand the entire time. And when he thanked God for the blessing that I am, I was forced to learn yet again that people see the good in me when I'm so much more inclined to focus on my shortcomings, and that my heart for my friends is noticed and appreciated, and that I can be a blessing even when so much craziness is going on in my life.
And how Zack texted me these verses while I was in the ER when I told him I couldn't go to FCA tonight, and they were exactly what I needed to hear.
"for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity." Proverbs 24:16
"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand." Psalm 37:23-24
And lastly, how I'm sitting here with a smile on my face after a crazy, crazy night because I made myself search for the blessings. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.