It just made me smile because I got an email from a friend today in response to the post, telling me her own boy story, and she really gets me because she's never had a boyfriend either, and literally while I was trying to respond to her email, I got a semi-frantic (but only jokingly) Facebook message from another friend who also read the post and had to tell me her own current story. I dealt with the Facebook message because it's immediate response and I knew she'd have to go to bed soon before I got back to the email, but it worked okay because I ended up telling them basically the same exact thing.
Don't hate yourself for having a crush on this guy. Beating yourself up does nothing but make you feel guilty and like crap about yourself which is absolutely 100% pointless. You can't help how you feel about this guy, and who can tell at this point if you aren't getting these feelings for a reason? Crushes are just that...crushes. Either it will become something more, or you'll move past it.
When did I become the calm and logical one?! #feeler #emotionstendtorunme
Yes, I just used hashtags in a blog post. Deal. ;)
I know they'll both be fine. They're smart girls. After I'd responded to both of them, I couldn't help but smile at God's timing. Just one day after having all this boy stuff running around in my head and feeling like I was alone in the emotions coursing through me, two of my dear friends reach out and, in essence, tell me I'm not alone. That they get it. That I'm not a freak. And that's a really good feeling.
I've also been sitting here thinking about what I told them. You can't help how you feel. Lord knows I've heard that more times than I can count in my life. It's funniest when I have my guy friends say it. And I know from experience that in the moment, when someone is telling you that, it sounds like nothing but a bunch of words, the kind of thing people say when they don't know what else to say. But I try really hard not to be one of those "I don't know what to say so I'm gonna say something trite that will be totally useless to you" kind of people, like, ever, so when I said it to these girls, I meant it. And as I've sat here thinking, I've realized that, as it turns out, it's a cliché that is actually quite true. You can't manufacture feelings (thanks for that line, CS Lewis), and you can't wish them away, either. Things will just...change. That boy in the post yesterday lost my attention a while back to a much more attainable guy (meaning he doesn't have a girlfriend, so hooray for that).
Females...we want to be desired. It's how we were made. To me, a crush is someone you want to desire you. Who are we to question how God made us? I don't think there is anything whatsoever wrong with having a desire to love a man, and to want him to love you in return. As my friend/Reformation brother Hunter put it (post here), "Jesus did not come to be our romantic lover, but rather our Savior and Lord. I do certainly believe that Jesus (or God, the Trinity's complicated) can satisfy romantic desire, but not through prayer and the reading of Scripture; rather, He can provide the right mate for us through His Sovereign will." AMEN.
There's a video from Jeff Bethke and his wife Alyssa (here) that I also really love. They talk about why it's okay to want to date someone, even if you're not intending on marrying them, like, tomorrow (which is also something my friend and I discussed in our emails). Yes, marriage is the ultimate intent, and I agree that you shouldn't date anyone that you couldn't see yourself marrying one day. But as Jeff and Alyssa put it, you also don't have to marry the first person you meet. Dating, and by proxy having the desire to date someone and be with them, will teach you not only about what you want in the person you do marry one day, it will prepare you to be a better spouse for them, and break-ups and failed relationships will draw you closer to God. And I think that having a crush on a friend is also a way to figure out what you want and don't want and places that you need to grow and improve in, because chances are you know your crush on some personal friendship level.
I'm not saying I have it all figured out. These are just my thoughts. But if you're reading this and dealing with a similar situation to that of me and my two friends, just take a breath, tell yourself you're not crazy and this is natural. You're not alone, and it's going to work out. I know that much.
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