Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Person He Made

Today, I'm thankful for the person that God made.

I know, saying I'm thankful for me sounds a wee bit self-centered, doesn't it?  Just hear me out.

I've mentioned a time or two (or six thousand) that I am way too hard on myself.  I think everyone is, though, probably women more so than men.  I'm nearly constantly mad at myself for doing something wrong, or knowing I should have done something differently, or feeling like I'm a bother to people or that I'm not going to be able to do everything that I want to do when I get out of college.  Well, today, I've been thinking about the fact that I have survived as much as I have survived and do so well because I have the personality that I do.

If I wasn't ridiculously stubborn and determined, I would've given up on college as soon as those brain surgeries happened.  That same stubbornness is what gets me to go to class in intense pain nearly every day when every part of me wants to not even get out of bed.  I used to not understand why people thought I was so amazing for staying in college through the surgeries - as I told them, I didn't have any other choice - but lately I've been realizing that doing what I did was not easy.  And in that, I see that it is only by the grace of God that my college career is thriving the way it is.  That determination is getting me to complete two majors in less time than a lot of college students complete one.  That determination got me my DC internship.  My life would look vastly different if I hadn't fought so hard to get to where I am.

I'm thankful for my intelligence.  That sounds horribly conceited writing it out, but honestly, I'm so thankful I'm not one of those people who is happy getting by knowing the absolute bare minimum in life.  I'm thankful that I love learning because it's allowed me to see that the world is so much bigger outside of the middle of nowhere, NC.  If I didn't have the desire to learn more about the world, my view never would've expanded.

If I wasn't passionate about everything I do, I would've lost a lot more than I have.  My passion compels me to stand up for what I know is right, even if it's not popular.  My passion compels me to fight for what I want and the people I don't want to give up on.  Yes, this intensity can come off wrong to people sometimes, but it is what makes me the friend that I am.  The people who know me know that it's next to impossible for them to get rid of of me because I care that much.  That passion is the reason why I love people and I love loving people as much as I do.  And that love, as much as it gets my heart broken sometimes, has brought me the best feelings I've ever felt from some of the kindest, most wonderful people I've ever known.  And all of that is magnified when I think of my God and how much He loves me.  That same passion that drives my relationships with other people is the passion that drives me to pursue my relationship with Christ on a whole new level.

So yeah, as self-deprecating as I can be sometimes, I really don't want to be anyone else.  I'm thankful that God made me the person that I am and that He continues to bring me opportunities to use my gifts to bless others.

I may screw up sometimes, but you can always be sure that I am so thankful for the love that I have and I will always do my best to love you right back.

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