Monday, December 21, 2009

In the end..

I proved myself right.

Today was okay emotionally, but tonight reached a whole new level of suckiness.

Mom ended up not going to her workday because she didn't feel good and it was optional, so we left in time to get some food and make it to my 12:00 orthodontist appointment. The appointment went fine, but there are two teeth that still aren't straightening out. If they don't by my next appointment, I have to get braces on some of my top teeth. Definitely do not want braces again, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I wanted to set up my next appointment for sometime during my Spring Break March 8-12, since that is the only break I have in the near future, but of course, that is the one week that my orthodontist is going to a conference. So we had to set it up for the following Monday, and it turned out okay because it's at 8:30, so I still might get back to Campbell in time for my real classes. All I'd miss is the Campbell Worship course, which is not that big of a deal. Haha. It's not like there's homework or anything. :P

After that, we went to see Rachel and Abby Grace. We didn't stay long, though, because her furniture is old so it's covered in residue from the cats she used to have, Rachel is sick, and Abby was about to go down for a nap. But it was still good and nice to see them.

Then, we went to Jacksonville and got money from my mom's bank. My mom (finally! yay!) paid back the money she owes me, minus the $100 for the TV I'm getting. (But what was even better is that tonight she told me after calculating how much she's spent on each of us for Christmas, I get $50 back!) We paid a few bills. Then, we went to Best Buy and looked at TVs. I got a really nice one by a company that Best Buy owns (Dynex?) that comes with a warranty, and it has a DVD player/slot in the side of it! It was only $20 more for the one with the DVD player, so I was like, heck yeah! We also bought an Ipod Dock and a car Ipod thing for Holly. And we looked to see if they had Dyson ball vacuums, but they're currently out. My mom is currently in love with that vacuum.

We went to Food Lion, and Walgreens, and then we came home. That was when hell broke loose. Chelsea was apparently supposed to meet her boyfriend in Jacksonville, and he never showed up (in his typical fashion), so she was in quite an evil mood. It went from her screaming because she had to help unload the stuff from the car, to the fact that Mom didn't bring her fast food, to her favorite thing: harassing me. She spent pretty much two straight hours, even as Holly came home, whining about how I don't do anything and that I'm using my pleurisy as an excuse to get out of work, and calling me horrible names.

Then, I finally snapped. I punched her on the arm, and she punched me five times in return (and then lied to Mom about it). I don't know why I did, and I honestly wish I hadn't. But you know what? I don't deserve this crap. I absolutely wish I could be better at dealing with her, but I am an emotional teenage girl who goes through more hell in one day than she has the slightest clue about, and I can't take it anymore. I never start fights. Ever. In fact, I rarely ever do anything back to her. I've taken her physical and verbal abuse for 10+ years, and I can't do it anymore. Is that an excuse? No. But I see it as more of a reason, in that if she would just leave me alone, I would never fight with her. I basically never speak to her and she lives to make my life hell. I'm done. I know I can't prove it to you all, since this is just the Internet, but I am a good person and I don't just start fights with people. I don't get the same sick enjoyment out of fighting as she does. I care about people. I usually end up crying and panicking when I think I've upset people like my mom or Holly. This is totally un-Christian, but my care for her is running out. I try and try and try to be nice to her, or at the very least ignore her, and it gets me nothing but a load of abuse. I know people who are so much better at this than me (you know who you are), and they'll probably want to tell me I need to learn to be a better Christian, but I am trying my best.

God, if there's a lesson in this hell, I hope You show it to me soon. I'm breaking down...