Thursday, April 18, 2013

Mental Health Day

So.  I slept until 4:00 this afternoon, aside from getting up to go to the bathroom a couple times and text Dr. Steegar (yes, I text my French professor, it's awesome) and Ryann that I wouldn't be in class today and two of my tutoring kids that I couldn't meet today.  Good thing I see those two twice a week anyway, so they're not being completely left hanging right before finals.  I won't miss my appointments with them on Tuesday.

I don't know what made me so incapacitated today, but it is what it is.  At 4:00, I ate, and then did some of my reading homework because my head finally calmed down enough to handle it, and then I actually made it to my 3rd tutoring session tonight.

Then, I came back, took a nice and long and hot shower, watched most of  Glee, and then got a phone call from the lovely Miss Caitie.  We didn't get to talk yesterday, so it was nice to get the chance to verbally process everything that had been going on in my head yesterday.  That girl is my big sister in every way that counts, and I am immeasurably blessed by that.

Finally, I got to watch my other big sister, sweet Kyla, and the Sanctuary band lead worship, basically the perfect ending to this day.  They sang some of the songs I learned there at Sanctuary, and then they ended with a new one, which put me in tears.

This song was something I needed to hear so badly tonight, especially after the day I had yesterday, a day I didn't get to fully recover from today with the pain as debilitating as it was.

I have to trust God with everything in me right now.  I don't know why my prayers aren't being answered, or the prayers of the many people who are standing by me.  I don't know how this story is going to end or when my healing is going to come.  All I do know is that I want desperately to live the life God has planned for me, on His timetable and not my own.

"I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves.  My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours, and You are mine."  I have to hold on to that tightly right now, and keep crying out.  I am His, and He is mine.  I am never alone.  Thanks be to God.

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