Thursday, December 11, 2014

Forgive me for being vague.

I'm at a loss for words tonight. Which is weird. Nothing in particular happened that would be a decent cause for speechlessness. I'm not super exhausted or anything like that. So I'm not really sure why I don't know what to say.

I had a lot of weird dreams last night, I remember that much. Dreams that are making me question a lot of things, things I didn't know I was still hanging on to...until now, at least.

I have to wonder how much of it is just that I'm homesick and lonely and how much of it is truly unresolved feelings and issues. Feelings and issues on things that I'm not sure that I will ever really get closure on. Which anyone who knows me knows that is a really hard pill for me to swallow and a battle that I am working on every day.

After 4 solid months on my own in New York and 7 months since graduation, there are things I thought I'd be over by now, and I have to accept the fact that I'm just not. Which makes me feel all sorts of pathetic and stupid, but as a friend has to so often remind me, I'm human and feeling things is not wrong or pathetic or stupid. It's just part of being human. As not fun as it can be sometimes.

I know feeling things like what I'm feeling is normal, but I'd really like to not feel these particular things anymore.

post signature

No comments:

Post a Comment