Friday, April 3, 2009

I am actually 16, right?

Because really, with all this college stuff on my brain, and the whole idea of actually leaving my mom, I feel like a scared 4 year old. It's really quite pathetic. I guess it's because my mom has been my only parent for almost the last decade, and so she's who I always depend on. Plus, with my wild medical history, she's had to take care of me a lot. So needless to say, the idea of not being around her every day is kind of horrifying. And there's that gnawing little voice in the back of my head that's telling me I'm such a baby for not wanting to be away from my mommy. But I can't help it, gosh darn it. I like her! She really is my best friend. *sigh* I guess I've got the next four and a half months to suck it up and get used to it. So we'll see how it goes.

The good news is that my college is only about two and a half hours away, so it won't be that hard for her to come get me some weekends, or if something really bad were to happen.

Surgery's Wednesday. My mom wants to take me up to my university Monday and Tuesday, and I really do want to go. However, with the surgery so close, there's a bunch of work I need to get done between now and then, since you know, I'm gonna be laid out for about a week afterwards. So I really don't know what would be best. If we don't go now, we really wouldn't be able to go until mid to late May, and then all the students will be gone, and most of the professors could be, too, which would kind of defeat the purpose of going.

By the way, is it a scary thing to realize that I'm not even really scared about the surgery? I guess when you go through something so many times, the fear kind of diminishes. I mean, yes, it is a big deal, but I've been through brain and spine surgery, risking, ya know, death or paralysis, so sinus surgery seems pretty minor in retrospect.

My mom's grades are due tomorrow, and so I spent two hours grading like 300 homeworks. After sitting in the same position for that long, my entire body hurts. Seriously. So yeah, this is all the thinking I've got left tonight.

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