Thursday, April 21, 2016

It's not just a ball.

I've written a good bit on this blog about this soccer ball over the two years that I've had it.

I admit, most people probably wouldn't write so much about a soccer ball. But I've never been "most people."

I was looking back through my Facebook tonight and found this article , and it reminded me why this ball will never be just a soccer ball.

That ball is a reminder of the love I found that I didn't even know I needed until I had it.

It holds memories from that year that make up some of my favorite times in all of college - really, in my whole life.

But most of all, the autographs on that ball symbolize relationships that have forever changed me. They are representations of the boys who taught me what I deserve and what real respect and love look like. My boys, just by the way they live, taught me more than I explain about how I deserve to be treated.

I know they won't let me settle. They're not afraid to call me out on my crap, and I know that any one of them wouldn't be afraid to tell me if a guy I was interested in was bad news (some of them already have). I've said a few times about how whatever guy I end up will have a lot to live up to and a lot of approval to earn, and it's always been in a joking tone, but it's not really a joke.

Because of them, I know that good guys really do exist and what they look like.

Because of them, I know what it feels like to have guys truly be concerned about me and my best interest, instead of being interested in taking advantage of my big heart.

Because of them, I know what it's like to have someone answer the phone late at night just to tell me they love me because they know I need it.

Because of them, I know what it feels like to have people who will do anything to make me laugh when I need it, and that I don't have to be ashamed of needing that support.

Because of them, I know what it's like to have someone who doesn't give up when I push them away.

And most of all, because of them, I know what it's like to feel that I'm good enough, that I'm worthy of being loved, that I'm worthy of having one of the good ones. I know what it feels like to believe that I don't have to settle.

This soccer ball sitting on my desk may be just a ball to everyone else, but to me, it's a physical representation of one of the best years of my life, some of my favorite memories, and the boys whose love and friendship can never be forgotten or replaced.

So yes, I am a bit emotionally attached to this soccer ball. Because it's never been "just a ball" to me. And it never will be.

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