Some days, I just get really fed up with having to deal with all these different physical and medical issues.
And I especially get really fed up when doctors have no idea what is wrong with me, let alone how to treat it.
The pain in my leg keeps getting worse and worse, to the point that it made me pass out and I ended up in the ER again today. But all the tests and examinations I've had can't find anything wrong. So I dope myself up on Vicodin and muscle relaxers just so I can escape the pain for a while, except then it knocks me out for hours on end and I miss out on valuable work time.
Basically, it feels like I can't win.
While I sat in the ER today, I got tired of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, so I texted my brother Chirag and told him I was in need of one of his pep talks. He is one of those people who just exudes positivity seemingly all the time, and I know he is always there to give me some perspective and lift me up when I need it.
Boy, did he ever. He gave me what I think is one of his best pep talks yet. There are so many things he said that made me smile for the first time today, but it was the five last words of his text that stood out to me the most.
I believe in you, Mal.
This is what I meant when I said that my boys have done so, so much for me in the time that we have been family to save me from myself, just by the way they live. Five little words from Chirag was all it took to remind me that even when the stress of everything I'm dealing with feels too much to bear, I am never alone. Just hearing (or reading, in this case) that my brother believes in me even when I feel like I'm struggling just to keep my head above the water was just the reminder I needed that I have people cheering me on and that I am capable of so much more than I think I am most of the time.
This is why I keep that soccer ball on my desk; it's a physical reminder that no matter where I am or where they are or what is going on, I have an army of brothers at my back who have cheered me on, held me up, and kept me going from the very beginning. Chirag reminded me to keep searching for the beauty in every day...I told him that talking to him was the beauty in today because it/he reminded me just how blessed I am to have a community near and far that loves me so well.
Five little words. That's all it took for me to be able to catch my breath.
The power of words, y'all. It never ceases to amaze me.