Thursday, April 14, 2016

And then it didn't sting anymore.

There's this fairly popular app called Timehop. You can connect your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media to it, and Timehop will show you what you posted on that day in years past. For example, today, my Timehop shows me all of my posts from April 14 all the way back to 2007 when my Facebook was first open.

I love this app. It has brought back a lot of good old memories that I wouldn't remember otherwise. I get to see pictures from years past. One picture on today was of me and my buddy Bryce, and it made me smile because I miss him and I have so many good memories with him from that school year. Timehop also allows me to go back and favorite old tweets that I didn't favorite at the time, because I used to not really favorite anything. So I get to hold on to memories, too.

The downside of checking this app every day is that I can also run into some bad memories. I see posts and pictures with people who are no longer in my life, and this pang of heartache hits me all over again. I remember all the good memories from before things fell apart, and how things fell apart, and all the things left unsaid, and it stings. Seeing their names, or even their Twitter handles, stings.

But something I have learned is that sting will go away. I saw several tweets on my Timehop about one of the people who hurt and left me recently...and it didn't hurt. I didn't feel that sting anymore. What a relief.

The best part of that, though, is that it gives me hope for the other stings I still feel. Today, I was looking through the pictures on my computer and I found a bunch of text messages from someone I've really been wishing that I could forget. It's someone that I've been aching over for a while, someone I've very nearly contacted on several occasions. Needless to say, it was hard for me to see those. I didn't even realize that my computer had imported them all until I ran across them today, and then I made the stupid masochistic choice to read them. So to say that the surprise of finding those stung would be an understatement.

But looking at how things worked out in remembering that other person, and how seeing their name doesn't hurt anymore, I know that I likely won't hurt over this person anymore. I just have to hold on to get to that day, however long it takes. I wish there was a timetable, but there's not. Knowing how much this person meant to me, I have a feeling it's going to take a while. Thankfully, I have people who are so faithful and loyal to stand by me and help me on the hard days when the memories get too hard to deal with on my own.

One day at a time, I guess. One day at a time.

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