I met with a deacon from my church today. When I told her about the loneliness I've been battling and how much I wish I could get back to my soccer boys, and how wrapped up I have been in trying to take care of them and support them because of the different issues several of them are struggling with, she told me it sounds like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I couldn't really argue with that.
But she also told me not to completely shut that part of me down, either, because God has clearly given me a gift of giving, in the sense of encouragement and support, and it would be a bad idea to stop using what God has given me to share with the world. We weren't meant to do this life alone. Galatians (at least, I think it's Galatians) says to bear one another's burdens for a reason.
I guess I just need to remember that, like everything in life, the key is to finding the balance between the two. Still being there for the people that I love (because let's be real, I can't imagine being any other way with my boys) but not let myself take it on as my responsibility to fix.
Because I'm not God. I can't fix everything, no matter how badly I want to.
What I can do is support them the best I know how and help pull them out of the dark holes, just like they've done for me.
So yeah, it's about balance.
Balance between taking care of the people I love and taking care of myself and my needs, too.
Balance between helping them through their problems and trying to take them over.
Supporting without micromanaging.
Loving recklessly without losing sight of myself.
Assuring them of better days to come without expecting myself to make those better days come more quickly.
Love can't fix everything, but it sure can make the bad stuff a heck of a lot easier to walk through. And sometimes, that's the only help people need - just a loving hand helping them forward one step at a time.