Baby Steps

I don't know if God's trying to tell me something, but I am running into Nick in random places at random times a LOT lately.

First, today, CUW got let out early, so I decided to go over to the library to print off my English essay.  Outside D. Rich (the building with the auditorium that holds CUW) was flooded with students, and as I'm weaving my way through them trying to get over towards the library, BAM!  I see the all-too-familiar camouflage jacket.  He was standing with a couple of guys and girl that I didn't know, and he had his back to me, so I snuck up behind him and poked him. :)  We chatted for a minute, and I said something like "Don't forget about tomorrow" and one of his friends said "What's tomorrow?" and Nick said "Oh, she's helping me with Stats" and he grinned and said "Ohhhh, you do Stats, huh?"  I caught his drift so I said, "Yes, would you like help with Stats, too?"  He laughed and said, "Hi. I'm RJ. Help me. Please."  So my little one-on-one tutoring session turned into a one-on-three, because apparently Nick, RJ, and the other friend Josh are all in the same Stats class and all need help.  But hey, I like helping people, so whatever.

So I went through my day honestly not expecting or really even hoping to see him again today.  After my last required concert for Music Appreciation (YAY), I went to Marshbanks just after 5:00 for dinner because it's like a halfway point (not really half, but sort of) between the Fine Arts Building and Burkot.  As I stood in line, what did I see?  That darn camouflage jacket. :)  I asked if I could come eat with him, and he told me they were in the far room.  I went in there after I got my food, and he was eating with RJ, Josh, RJ's girlfriend Siobhan (ridiculously awesome name, by the way), and this kind of annoying kid named Mark that I know from various places.  We ate and laughed and joked and I got to know a bit about them.  Originally, I left around 5:30 because Ryann had told me earlier today that she really needed to talk to me, but then I got outside and called her and she said that her team had called an emergency meeting, so I still have no idea what's going on with her or why she sounded so sad.  Anyway, I thankfully was able to get the card swiper lady to let me back in, and we all hung out for a bit more.  Then, Siobhan said that she had some project to do and RJ was helping her so they all decided to leave.  Nick told me he was gonna walk back with me because he had to go get his car before he could go to their apartment. 

This is where today gets even cuter than yesterday.

It was freezing outside when we were walking back because Mother Nature finally decided to start acting like she knew what time of year it was.  Nick, being the dork he is, apparently doesn't own pants, so he was wearing shorts and sandals.  He was complaining about how cold he was, and I was teasing him about stupid he is for not owning or wearing pants, and then I said my hands were cold.  You know what he did?  He grabbed my hand and stuck it in his pocket with his.  :D 

So we held hands for the first time tonight.  Of course, when he left, I promptly ran to Twitter to squeal about it because oh my heavens, I have so fallen for this kid.

While I truly do have no expectations out of this, I do have hopes.  It's a weird combination of trying not to get my hopes up too high and really, really hoping that things keep progressing.  Something just feels oddly right about this.

Then again, it may be a good thing if it doesn't progress; I don't want Matt to pull out this shotgun he says he's getting.  I texted him and said, "Get your shotgun ready, dear protective big brother.  Nick and I upgraded to holding hands so you know what comes next. ;)" and he wrote back "Shit. I'ma need the double barrel shotgun.  What's he weigh?  I need to know whether to get slug or buckshot ammunition." Ha!  I find it hilarious how scared he is of me not being "innocent" anymore.

Boys. ;)

Today was just cute.

So Ryann has had this idea in her head for weeks now that she needed to meet Nick.  Please don't think I'm some sort of weird stalker, because I'm not, but today I made sure she did.  Well, Dr. Steegar let us out early from French because it was the last day and we finished the chapter so it's not like he was going to assign us homework.  It was about 9:10 by the time we left the building, and I knew both Ryann and Nick had a class at 9:30 in a nearby building.  She had to go to the library to print something, which is thankfully close to both of the places, so I told her that I'd stall Nick when I saw him.  She still wasn't there a couple minutes after Nick walked up, so I ended up having to tell him that Ryann wanted to meet him, but luckily he didn't ask any questions about why (that would've just been awkward).  They really only talked for about 30 seconds, but when he left to get up to his class (he likes to get there early, like me! haha), she looked at me and grinned and said, "I really like him.  He seems really awesome."  Which, I'm not too sure how she got that out of the little bit they said to each other, but hey, she approves, so I'm safe.  ;) 

This is where my day gets cute.

Today after State & Local, Nick and I were walking back from class, and we were talking and just randomly he says "I'm hungry.  Do you want food?  I want Jole Mole." (Side note: It's Mexican food, but everyone calls it Holy Moly.)  I tell him sure, but Jole Mole's closed because it doesn't open till 4, and he teasingly calls me a liar and we go there anyway.  I set my purse and binder down when we walk in and he sees it really is closed, so he says "Do you want pizza?"  I go back to grab my ID card, and he slides his card up in his hand with a look that said "silly girl, I'm buying." :)  So he bought me food.  And we spent almost half an hour just talking, and we asked each other about our families, and it was really sweet.  He, of course, made me laugh hysterically for most of it.  The cutest thing he said was "You's adorable, like kittens and turtles," in this really adorable voice (he apparently thinks turtles are really cute).  He insisted on walking me literally all the way to the back door of Burkot before he would give me a hug, even though I stopped in front of his dorm because I knew he had a project to work on.  Also, we finally agreed on a time for me to help him prepare for his Statistics final, which would be Thursday at 8:00 in Shouse because he eats breakfast there everyday at that time so he won't forget.  I told him there are very few people that I would wake up that early for on a day when I'm allowed to sleep in, so he better show up.  He smirked and said, "For you, I will." 

Wow that was a lot.  In case you skimmed it or missed something, this will basically sum it up:  I know my opinion is just slightly biased, but everything he said and did today was just cute. ;)  Every time that we hang out, I become more and more smitten with this kid.  And while I can't help but wonder if this is going to turn into something more, I like what it is right now.  He makes me giddy.

Like seriously.  When I agreed to eat pizza with Nick, I forgot that I had dinner plans with Elizabeth at 6, and when she got to where we were eating, I was sitting there still grinning thinking about this afternoon.  So I spent a good deal of time gushing about that, so SHE decided she also had to meet Nick and she'll be awake Thursday morning anyway (though I can't figure out why that crazy girl wakes up at 6:00 when she doesn't have to :p), so she's going to just so happen to be coming to Shouse for breakfast on Thursday.  ;)

I think it's so cute and sweet that those two girls are so darn protective of me that they feel they have to meet Nick and approve of him even before this is anything serious.  Elizabeth told me tonight that since Matt isn't here to threaten him and fill the protective bodyguard role that apparently needs filling, she's more than willing to take the job, which I find hilarious since she doesn't even know Matt.

Anyway, that's a lot of gushing, and a lot of words to read, and I need to go wash my face and get in bed, anyway, so I will just end with this:

Today was cute.  :)

 

You know what's a fun word?

Inexplicable.

You thought I was going to say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, didn't you?

Great.  Now I have Mary Poppins stuck in my head.

Whenever I think of the word "inexplicable" I always imagine someone saying it in a Donald Duck spit-all-over-you kind of voice.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  (Just nod and smile and maybe I'll go away.)

Anyway, the point I was trying to get to is I'm not sure how I feel today.  It's inexplicable.  (See, I always find my way back to the point, sometimes it just takes me a minute.)

I mean, today was fine.  Nothing really out of the ordinary happened.  I went to class, I ate, I did homework, I listened to music.  Same old thing.

But I don't know.  I just can't think of a particular word to describe the mood I'm in, and I usually can.  I'm kind of just...here.  I think it's a sort of survival mode in that I'm basically trying to just make it to next Thursday.  Thanksgiving totally messes the groove of college up.  Having to come back for two weeks just completely throws the "vacation" mindset you get during Thanksgiving off its rocker.  It would be so much easier if the semester started at the beginning of August and just ended at Thanksgiving, but that's never going to happen.

I'm in a weird state of "I don't want to go home, but I don't want to stay here, either".  I wish I could go to California with Ryann for Christmas.  Or to Nashville to see The Vespers!  I guess you could say my mood is "itching to travel"?

I will also say that while it was a huge relief to get that report out of my hands and to be done with the last major assignment of this semester, I highly doubt I'm going to stop stressing about it until I see my grade on Friday.  Yes, Dr. Thornton is a beast and is going to grade all our massive reports by the final on Friday at 3:00.  He was giving a very well-intended lecture today on how we all should just not worry about the reports anymore because they're in his hands and we can't do anything else and we've got other things to worry about, and all of that is true, but I'm not going to just stop wondering how a report worth 25% of my grade turns out.  It's not how my mind is wired, and yes, while it may make me a more high-stress person, I don't see what's wrong with that.  The way I see it, it means I care about my grades more than most people do.

Wow, I have no idea where this post is going.  Look up the word "random" in the dictionary, and I'm pretty sure a link to this post will be beside it.

Anyway, to keep you from wanting to claw your own retinas out from sheer boredom, I will go.  I need to go get ready for bed.

I guess this is as good of an ending as any.  Bye! :)

I don't know why...

But this video and performance makes me tear up. Watch from 1:00 to 4:00.



I know why this video makes me laugh hysterically though. Watch it, too. :)

That was easy. Almost too easy.

It only took me four hours to do my report today.

I'm amazed, and relieved.

But I'm also a little nervous.

When a project that overwhelmed me so badly before I started it feels so easy once it's completed, my mind kind of goes into "second guess" mode where I'm checking everything over and over again, wondering if I got all the components in, reading into every last detail making sure it's descriptive enough.

Like, could it really be that simple?

Gosh, I hope so.  Because I don't know if I could stare at that thing for one more minute, even if I wanted to.

I have a very short to-do list for the final three days of classes now that this project is out of my way.  It makes me very happy: Music test on Tuesday, English essay due Wednesday (movie's done, just need to get teacher's advice on what to write), State & Local essay due Thursday (that's Reading Day, so I hope to turn it in on Tuesday, only 2 pages), History double quiz on Wednesday, and concert on Wednesday.

That's it! And then begins the fun known as final exams. :)  I also have to get my application for the DC internship in by Friday, but I can't do it till Wednesday because Mom has to get paid before I can pay the application fee.  (The amount of excitement I have for this internship is worth a post by itself!)

But seriously, y'all.  I cannot explain how happy I am to have this big research project off my back finally! 

Hope you had a good weekend.  Honestly, I'm glad to be back here.

Heart Attack Pack

(WARNING: SUPER LONG!)

The original Heart Attack Pack was the 1982-1983 NC State Men's Basketball team.  They earned that nickname because over and over again they pulled from behind at the last possible second in games that it looked like they'd lose, all the way to the NCAA championship where they won as a #6 seed at the very end 54-52 against a #1 Houston.  They also beat #1 Virginia in the West region finals 63-62.  According to my mom, the list of games from that season and the following tournament that weren't "heart attacks" is shorter than the list of games that were.  (She, being Ms. Cute Popular Rock Band Singer, actually partied with the team fairly frequently.  Sidney Lowe, one of the stars of that team, later became the team's head coach.)

Well, uh, I dub the team that played today Heart Attack Pack 2.0.  Don't worry, I'll explain why, but first I'm going to tell you about the day.  I won't be offended if you skip a lot of the text.  It's gonna be long, but I want to remember this game in as much detail as I can remember.  The pictures and videos are nice, though. :)

We left at 8:06, which is only 6 minutes behind the time Mom wanted to leave, which is frankly pretty good for us.  I rode with Mommom, and Chelsea, Shane, and Blake rode with Mom.  Mommom and I stopped to pick up her friend Hilda, who was coming with us because Mom bought an extra ticket.  We all went by Bojangles for breakfast, and then headed out.  I put my iPod in, but surprisingly didn't fall asleep till after we stopped for gas about halfway there.  We then went to Holly's.  We brought in all of the Thanksgiving leftovers we brought her, and she and Michael got in Mommom's car.  Thankfully, I got to ride in front because Ms. Hilda is tiny and the three of them could fit in the backseat pretty nicely.

We got into the handicap parking lot at a nearby high school about 11:00, and got a shuttle to the stadium.  Thank you God for this service, because I wouldn't be able to come to these games without it.  This is a picture I snapped on the bumpy ride there. :)

When we got there, I decided I had to memorialize Blake's first football game, so Ms. Hilda took a family photo.  This is what happens when you try to get seven adults and a toddler to look at a camera.  Oh, and Michael isn't wearing State clothes because he's actually a Carolina fan. Boo. :p

Here are just some pics I got while we were standing around eating and stuff before we climbed up the cramped bleachers to our seats.

I really like those last two. :)

Then, the fun began.  We got to see a bit of the marching band's pregame show and the celebration of the seniors on the football team, who were playing their last game in Carter-Finley Stadium, possibly their last game for NC State if we didn't win today.  The marching band is called The Power Sound of the South.  The announcer also titled them "the most dangerous marching band in the south."  :D

I even took a video of the team running onto the field.

Well, actually the fun didn't really start till the second half.  The first half was PAINFUL.  We had three fumbles in the first eight minutes, and suffice it to say, the score was 34-14 at halftime.  The halftime show was really good, though.  The videos I got aren't great because the family's too loud, but the music is still fun! :)  The first video is Frank Sinatra, and the second video is the Alma Mater and the Fight Song to celebrate the seniors in the marching band.

Mom was cracking jokes about how she didn't know how the team was gonna play without butt cheeks because Tom O'Brien was most certainly chewing their asses out for playing such a pathetic first half.  The beginning of the third quarter wasn't much more promising.  At the 10:50 mark, Maryland scored again, making the score 41-14, a horrendous deficit, and that was when at least 10% of the started clearing out.  Mom's rule is after spending the money on the tickets, you stay until the end, win or lose.  God bless her for that. :D  After that final touchdown, it was as if a firecracker was lit under every member of our team, and we just took off.  Not to mention, I don't know if the Maryland team just got cocky or what, but they made several stupid fumbles and mistakes that helped our defense to hold them back.

At the end of the third quarter, the score was 41-28.  Mom said, "Two touchdowns in a quarter is very doable."  I replied, "True, but getting two touchdowns while also keeping the other team from scoring at all may not be."  Because really, our team has been very touch-and-go in getting the offense and defense to both be at the top of their game, so what I said wasn't farfetched.  Heh.  Little did I know...

Fourth quarter, we played like I've never seen us play before.  I think everyone in the stadium was on their feet for the entire 15 minutes. In only fifteen minutes, we went from down 41-28 to this:

We turned a 27-point deficit four minutes and ten seconds into the third quarter to a 15-point win at the end.  Those last seven points came off an interception that spanned almost the entire length of the field.  We had 42 unanswered points in one half!!  That is the biggest comeback in NC State history, and the 2nd biggest comeback in ACC (Atlantic Coast Conference) history!  What a way to end the season for all of our seniors, two of whom are TJ Graham, easily our best offensive player, and Audie Cole, one of the best on our defense.  AND NOW WE GET A BOWL BID!!!  (It was total luck that I took this pic the exact second VICTORY popped up on the jumbotron, but I think it adds to the effect. :D)

I seriously may not be able to talk tomorrow because I screamed almost constantly as loud as I could for the second half of the third quarter and all of the fourth.  Mom and I were having a blast celebrating with both the couple behind us and the family in front of us. 

Of course, this day was far from perfect.  There were fights throughout because, well, Chelsea's Chelsea, Shane's apparently as disrespectful and ignorant as she is, and my grandma just likes to complain about everything.  But that seriously didn't even bother me once that gorgeous, miracle-upon-miracles game was over.  What did bother me was when we got to the front of the line for the shuttles to take us back to our cars, the one there was full so it drove off, and FOUR shuttles got stuck in traffic for twenty minutes, and I stood there for so long that from my back all the way down to my feet was tthrobbing so badly that I started crying.  I have no idea why the pain got so bad, but it did, and it sucked.  Thankfully Mommom had Tylenol, and Chelsea had Ibuprofen, and Shane found a short wall I could sit on for a few minutes while we waited.  I was still limping by the time we got to our cars, but it was a lot better once I could sit down.

Mom, Chelsea, Shane, and Blake headed on to a Wendy's in Fuquay, and the rest of us drove Holly and Michael back to her house before we went there, too.  It was nice to actually sit down and eat in there and not have to eat in the car.  Mommom and Ms. Hilda drove me back to Campbell, so I made sure to get a picture with Blake before we separated.

Chelsea didn't like the face he made in this one, so Mom told her to take another.

I LOVE this one.  He's not looking straight at the camera, but you can still see his cute smile.

When I got back, all I did was unpack and my laundry.  Now, I've got to fold and put away my laundry, make my bed, and shave before I can go to bed.  I've got to get up EARLY tomorrow because I'm gonna be spending all day on my project report.  I totally didn't work on that over the break.  Oops! :p  Oh well, it'll get done.  As Holly said, I'm now a "real" college student for finally majorly procrastinating on something.  Haha!

If you made it this far, you're awesome.

Thank you God for a better day.

Tonight's meal was awesome.  I couldn't take pictures of all of the amazing food because I didn't realize my camera battery was dead until about 5 minutes before we started eating, but at least I'll be able to take pictures tomorrow.  We had turkey croquets with special flour gravy, fresh green beans, Mommom's sister's sweet corn from her farm, pork loin, the amazing mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, squash casserole, broccoli-cheese-rice casserole, stuffed mushrooms, cranberry-apple-orange relish, and my uncle's awesome homemade bread.  At least I think that was all.  That should give you a pretty good idea of how well we ate tonight, anyway.  It was really good to see my Uncle Kirk, Aunt Donna, Dusty, and Brianna because we really don't get to see each other much now that Dusty and I are at school, and they're constantly running Bri to soccer practices and such.

Frankly, I'm just glad there wasn't a lot of fighting today.  Of course, that's probably because Chelsea was at work from 9 to 5, but hey, I'll take it however I can get it.

My grandma took me to Jacksonville today to exchange the NC State hoodie she bought me because it was way too big.  Wow.  I know it had to be done because the game is tomorrow, but I never want to go to any retail store on Black Friday ever again.

Yay! The game is tomorrow! :D

The game starts at 12:30, so my mom says we're pulling out of the driveway at 8:00 sharp because we have to pick up Holly and get into the good handicap parking area.  I've still got to watch a 112-minute movie for my English class, so I better get started!

Maybe I jinxed it.

Here's a quote from my post three days ago.

"On holidays, everyone in my family seems to get along. Especially now that us "kids" are getting older, so Dustin and I really don't fight anymore. Even Chelsea gets a grip on life on holidays."

Heh.  Funny how things can change so drastically in just 72 hours, no?

Today was bad.

I actually did a lot better than I did yesterday in keeping my cool.  I don't think I've yelled once today.  But I've learned over the years that it doesn't do much good if only one person is putting in effort.  Chelsea was horrible, whining and moaning about every little thing and refusing to cooperate and picking fights at every possible opportunity.  That wouldn't have been so bad by itself, because it's certainly not anything any of us aren't used to.  But combine in my mom and grandma yelling back and bitching about everything constantly and taking it out on me when I was actually keeping my mouth SHUT, and you get our family's special brand of hell.  And I get to do it all again tomorrow in front of more family.

It's really sad when it's Thanksgiving, a day where you're supposed to be with family and talk and rejoice in all the good things you have in life, and you're holed up in your room having a really hard time thinking anything except how badly you wish you weren't home.

Oh Lord, please help me to find my inner peace in You, no matter what my family says or does.  Help me to remember all the good things and people I have.  Please just help me.  I need it.

A for Effort

Today's been really up and down. 

I haven't kept my cool as much as I should have, but I really am trying.

I'm thankful that God knows my heart and knows when I'm putting in the effort but simply falling short, as I do ever so often.
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.  Wow.  We're only having a small meal tomorrow because Uncle Kirk and his family are going to Aunt Donna's parents' house.  Since we really don't care about doing it on the exact day, they're coming to our house Friday for the big, full-blown meal.

Hopefully I'll really be able to focus tomorrow because I haven't gotten enough done today.  But it'll get done.  It always does.

I need Benadryl.  I swear I am allergic to this house.  Darn sinuses.

Here's hoping I do better tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the next day.

Determination comes in handy.

Along with a good pair of earphones. ;)

So um, I'm exhausted, but I wanted to say a little bit about today.

First of all, I love my mother.  And I hate seeing her beat herself up because she doesn't have enough money to buy everything we need all the time (and by that I mean like I need new glasses, not food or clothes or anything super essential).  She is my hero, and my future kids will be lucky if I am half the mother she is.  Just putting that out there.

Second of all, Blake looks like a little boy now! It's FREAKY!!  I mean, I know he's not even 21 months old yet, but he just looks so much bigger.  I guess it's kind of throwing me off because I haven't seen him since Fall Break.

And lastly, (well, side note - the word 'lastly' just looks weird in writing. Is that right?) when Mom and I got home tonight, I was almost instantly reminded why it's a good thing that I rarely come home, but I honestly don't even care about that.  I'm determined to enjoy this break, to catch my breath, to smile, and to realize how lucky I am to have the life that I do even when I feel like the people in it are driving me batty.  ;)

Isn't what this holiday is all about in the first place?  :)

Reasons Why I'm SO Ready To Go Home

For one, Campbell is kind of a one-time deal with their heating system.  And I mean that once there's 2 straight days of cold, the AC goes off and the heat comes on and it's that way till April or whenever they get bored.  So considering the fact that NC weather is freakin' psychotic and for weeks now we have had a couple days of cold in between several days of SEVENTY FIVE DEGREES in the MIDDLE OF FREAKING NOVEMBER, I am sweating constantly because my room is a sauna when the heat is on and it's just as hot outside.  Even when I turn the dial I have in my room to "Off" there's still a tiny bit of hot air that blows out of my vent.  I will spare you the details of what I do to try and combat this heat wave, but I will say this: It's a darn good thing I don't have a roommate or I'd be screwed!  My house at home, however is kept at 68 degrees year round (70 on occasion if it's really cold) and only turns the heat on when it's cold and promptly turns it up when it's manageable without it.  So yes, I miss my AC!

Second of all, my sweet little Blake man is there.  And I miss him.  To go from seeing all that cute every day to once every few weeks is just not cool.  And here's a little breaking news I've yet to share: Mom says Chelsea and Shane's wedding might not still be on and if it's not, Mom and I won't have to deal with them moving to Georgia!  I'll update as I learn more details, which will also be a result of being home.

Third? THE FOOD.  One of the perks of growing up in my family is that it is FULL of ridiculously talented cooks.  My mom and grandma spare no mercy on holiday meals, and I don't know what my uncle does when he cooks our Thanksgiving turkey but it's incredible.  Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas meals are so good in my family.  I'm bringing my camera home (hello! Blake pictures!) so I'll try to remember to snap some pictures of the full table for you.  Plus, my mom usually hosts Thanksgiving and her, her brother and her mom (aka my uncle and my grandma, ha! don't know why I wrote it like that) all live in the same town, which means not only do I not have to leave town for the holidays, I don't even have to leave the house.

Which sort leads me to my next reason: family.  On holidays, everyone in my family seems to get along.  Especially now that us "kids" are getting older, so Dustin and I really don't fight anymore.  Even Chelsea gets a grip on life on holidays.  And plus there's Blake now and he can make anything happy. :)  I'm sad, though, because I don't think Holly's coming home because of work because she wants to make sure she gets Christmas Day off, but at least we'll see her Saturday at the football game!

Okay, that's all the time I've got to blog tonight.  I still have to listen to some CDs for my music test tomorrow, and then I need to get to bed because 6:30 am is early.  But hey, I've almost survived an entire semester of that ungodly hour, so there's a plus. ;)

Except there was no money involved.

You know that saying "another day, another dollar"?

I know what it means.  It means that it was just an average day basically.

And I wanted to title this post that to say it about today because today was an average weekend day for me.  But I don't know if I can really use it to describe today because most people use it to describe a day at work, like real work where they get paid, hence the "another dollar" party.  And while I worked today, a LOT, I don't get paid for this.  So I'm not sure if that's really an appropriate thing to say.

Wow, I'm way too over-analytical tonight.  Blame my Scope & Methods project.  Yes, I finally actually started on the thing, 8 days before it's due.  This is so unlike me!  But yeah, I got all the mathematical stuff done, which means tomorrow begins the arduous process of writing the report.  I am so not looking forward to that, but hey, it must be done, and whining about it will get me nowhere except closer to the deadline.

I went to another concert today.  In the midst of everything else that has been going on this month, I've completely neglected the concerts I'm required to attend for my Music class.  Well, not completely.  I would make plans to go to one, with full intent on going....and then totally forget I made those plans.  Oops!  So including today, there were 4 concerts offered between now and the end of the semester, and I have to go to 3 of them to get my required 10.  One down, two to go.  I'm going to another one tomorrow, and then the last one next Wednesday.  The other one is next Tuesday, and I refuse to miss Glee if I don't have to, especially since stupid FOX decided to make viewers wait 8 days to be able to watch episodes online.  I just must not forget!  Hopefully with the help of my whiteboard, I can remind myself enough so that I won't.  The concert was good, though.  And it was short, which is always a plus.  You know what they say, time is money.  (Man, I'm full of clichés tonight.)

So grateful this is a 2-day week.  I am ready to get off this campus and go home for a few days.  Even if I will be spending 90% of my time home doing homework, it will be so nice.  I miss my Blake man! :)

An Equation

‎22 first downs

+ 0 turnovers

+ 2 fumble recoveries

+ 2 interceptions

+ 398 total yards

+ 6 sacks

+ beating the #7 team in the nation

= a great day of football for the Wolfpack!

Now, I don't care about the NFL.  I don't care about the records of any other college teams, but one thing is for sure: I love me some Wolfpack!

And nothing makes me prouder than seeing my team surprise EVERYONE and beat a team that every sports reporter on TV expected to crush us.  Actually, what would make me prouder is beating Maryland next Saturday and becoming bowl eligible.  That would REALLY shock the world. :)

Seriously, though, it's not every day that an unranked, struggling team beats a team in the Top 10 in the country.  And Clemson has the number 1 offense in the conference, yet they only got 3 points in the first quarter, and then 10 in the fourth, and they gave up 4 turnovers.

I'm sorry if you don't care about football and this is boring for you.  I'm just so ridiculously excited.  I thought when we lost to Boston College last weekend, our chances to get sent to a bowl were gone because we had to win two of our last three games in order for it to happen (last weekend, this weekend and next weekend).  But no!  It's still possible!  I can't wait to get back to Carter-Finley Stadium next weekend.  With so much riding on the game, the stadium is going to be ridiculous.

So yes.  That was lovely.  And that's all the time I've got to spare.  It's 11:15 pm and I've still got a LOT of reading I have to do before I can go to bed.  I've been doing homework all day, even through the game, but this is just how it gets at the end of the semester.

Bright Spots

Overall, honestly, I don't really feel any better than I did yesterday.

But I am so grateful that God gave me the bright spot of seeing my dear friends reach their goal.  I don't think anything makes me happier in this life than seeing people I love be rewarded for their hard work and dedication.

Also kind of really beautiful?  I think this is the first time my faith has completely outweighed my fear.  Throughout the past three and a half weeks, even though I had seconds of doubt, I knew deep in my soul that God was going to provide this for them. 

I just didn't think the last six grand would show up in twenty-four hours.  That God of ours is such a showoff sometimes. ;)

I don't really have much to say today.  My mind is tired, and I have a lot of work to do. 

I have hope.  I have friends.  I have the security in knowing that God always provides.

So what it basically boils down to is this: even when I feel down, my life is good. 

Hopefully I'm a little more verbose tomorrow. :)

Look at this, y'all. LOOK!

God is good. God is so, so, so very GOOD.

I am so excited for my friends.  Words can't even describe.

Is this what spiritual attack feels like?

All week long, I've felt like I've been on the verge of tears.

Constantly.

And I have no idea why.

Even when I'm with my friends and I'm laughing, or I'm in class and I'm thinking about the work, I feel like I'm about to start crying.

I have no reason to be sad!  And I really felt like I had a better handle on my stress.  And it's not like I've gotten any bad news, or gotten in any fights with friends, or anything like that.

I tried to ignore it.  I didn't want to talk about it on here because I thought that it would go away, but it didn't.  It just got worse.

And now I'm sitting here watching Private Practice and crying (granted, watching a show about giving a drug addict an intervention probably wasn't the smartest idea being in this state).  I feel like every muscle in my body is in pain.

I want to know what the heck is going on in my world right now.  I want to know why I feel so sickeningly sad when I have no reason to be.  I want to know why I'm suddenly paralyzed with a fear of everyone in my life when this semester was the FIRST time that I ever actually felt secure in my relationships.

God, what is going on?  Please help me.

Comfort zones are like bad relationships.

They hold you back from really amazing things God could have in store for you.  And when you let 'em go, you wonder what took you so long and what you were so scared of in the first place.

Today's CUW (Campbell University Worship) was, as the campus minister called it, a "town hall meeting."  They wanted to know helpful ideas people had about how they could make CUW better (i.e. no saying they should get rid of CUW, because they won't) and what we as students wanted to get out of it.  I personally think that was really cool of them.  Because this is my last semester of CUW, I thought it would be a bit rude and selfish of me to say anything, but I thought it was nice to see people actually participating.  I was kind of amazed at how many people had ideas and suggestions.

Well, it actually inspired an idea in me.  Some people said they wanted more testimonies from fellow students instead of just outside adults.  That was actually my idea, too.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I should volunteer to share my story next semester.  Part of me wants to, and part of me was instantly nervous about the idea.

Then, I thought, that maybe that was part of God's point behind.  He puts us in uncomfortable situations all the time just so we can serve Him better.  And if I can help someone else with things they struggle with, the way other people have helped me with mine, then any nerves I have about the situation won't matter.

So now, I basically just really hope that the email I sent volunteering gets a "yes" response! :)

For someone who is structured and thrives on plans and is NOT spontaneous like me, this is pretty big.

I totally had something I wanted to blog about.

And then I blinked and it became 11:30 and all I can think about is how tired I am because I had a busy day. 

So instead, I'm posting a really, really catchy song.

Maybe I'll get lucky and remember what I wanted to blog about tonight tomorrow.

Enjoy.  And forgive.  Say a prayer for my teacher, Dr. Stanke.  She's horribly sick and is more worried about the effect her missing so many days will have on her students' semester than her own health.  Sounds like I'd be in that situation, but I feel bad for her.

Let it be.

Let it be.

Let it be.

Oh, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom,

Let it be.

That's what I'm focusing on today.

Just being.

When there are so many people I want to help, and so many problems I want to fix, I have to force myself to take a step back and breathe.

I have to focus on holding on to the peace that has been my goal of this year.

Sometimes the key to calming yourself down is realizing that you can't do everything and you can't be everything that people need.  Sometimes, you have to take care of yourself first.

Today, my workload has not changed from yesterday.  But my perspective has.  Peace has come over me, and my determination is running free.

So tonight, I'm going to bed with the sound of one of my favorite Beatles songs in my head.

I hope you have some peace tonight, as well.

If time is money, then I'm broke.

Today's just one of those days where I feel overwhelmed, that there's not enough time to do all of the things I need to do for all of the classes that I have.

Though, I suppose this is a pretty normal reaction for a college student who is now two and a half weeks away from the end of classes and the start of exams.

Normal, sure, but knowing that doesn't make it any less bothersome.

Of course, this feeling wasn't exactly helped by the fact that I FINALLY started doing work on my massive Scope & Methods project that is due in two weeks and realized finding presidential approval polls separated by state or region about past presidents from a reputable polling company is next to impossible, so I now have had to slightly modify my idea and only focus on Obama, so the depth of everything I have to do to make up for my idiotic procrastination on top of everything I have to do that's on schedule pretty much smacked me in the face today and I almost cried in the middle of the library.  Almost. 

Plus, this same professor apparently thinks the definition of "easy reading" is "70 pages on 18th-century French cat massacres and metaphors".  Don't even ask.  I have no clue whatsoever what the point was.  That was a giant waste of my oh-so-precious time.

I am so out of it.  Mentally, I feel like I've been hit by a truck, so I'm just gonna go to bed and pray that God rejuvenates me tomorrow and helps me to use my time more wisely.

A Typical Saturday

Football. (Boo loss. Boo losing chances of bowl bid.)

Homework. (Yawn.)

Laundry. (Yay clean sheets.)

NCIS marathon in the background.

Headache.

You know the deal.

I've still got to fold all of my laundry, pluck my eyebrows, and read some 44-page story I've never heard of before for English before I can go to bed, so it's gonna be a long night.

My only request is that this headache is gone before I start reading.  Reading with a headache is never fun.  Ever.

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!

11.11.11 - Do you believe in luck?

'Cause I'm not so sure I do anymore.

Oh, now, before you get concerned, this is not a bad thing. I'm still on an emotional high from this week.  Really, the fact that this week has been so amazing is sort of why I'm saying this.

So many things have gone right this week, and not once have I thought that I'm "lucky."  I've thought I'm blessed.  If I were lucky, my prayers would be answered as soon as I said them.  And this year, and the past couple weeks specifically, are the culmination of dozens of prayers over the years. 

God chose this time in my life to bless me with people and experiences that have made my whole world brighter.  Luck had nothing to do with it.  Everything amazing that has happened has been something He alone has orchestrated.  Seeing Nick outside of class  twice this week (Wednesday and today) when I've never seen him around campus before?  That's not luck.  That's God telling me that whatever Nick and I have going on right now is something good.  My friends being uber supportive and happy for me?  That's not luck.  That's God showing me that I finally have the people in my life that I've been praying for.  Living in a country protected by selfless men and women every day so that I can live a normal, free life?  That's certainly not luck.

So no, while everyone else makes wishes at 11:11, I'm just going to sit back and praise God for everything I have, everything He's blessed me with, this beautiful country that I live in, everyone I have in my life.

Happy Veterans Day.  In honor of all those who sacrifice for us every day, I'm going to post a video that will make you cry. Trust me, it's gorgeous. Listen to the lyrics of the song.

I wish this feeling would never leave.

Have you ever been so happy that you're giggling uncontrollably?

Yeah, that's me today.

Floating on cloud nine. Telling everyone how thankful I am for them. Laughing in a silent room. Giddy.  There's several reasons why.

For one, the guy who murdered a friend of mine two years ago got convicted of first-degree murder today.  The jury didn't buy his insanity defense, and I knew him and after reading all of the details, all I can say is that justice was served.  Now all of us who loved Virginia can get some peace and closure.

Second, I have officially started my job as the Communications and Publicity Director for the College Democrats.  And I love it.  I've barely done anything thus far, but I love the club, I love what we stand for, and I love the people I work with.  I don't care that it's not a paying job; the enjoyment and release I get from this is plenty of a reward.

Third, Ryann and I had a bit of an emotional chat today, but it was the good kind of emotional.  She told me things that let me know how important I and our friendship are to her.  One of the things I crave in life is knowing that I am needed and appreciated, and I definitely felt that from her.  Thinking of where I am today with a girl who I wasn't even sure knew I existed seven months ago is just beautiful.

And last, things with Nick keep getting cuter and cuter.  And not only that, the support I've gotten from my friends is kind of mindblowing.  Elizabeth has sat through chat after chat of me gushing, keeping me somewhat level-headed when necessary, advising me when I have no idea what something means, and cheering with me when there's nothing left to do but smile.  Ryann made it crystal clear how excited she is, and she wants to meet him.  They've both already warned that they must "scare him straight" before he's in the clear should we actually start dating.  And Matt, God bless him, has managed to go into big-brother-protective mode as much as he possibly can from 185 miles away. 

College has finally turned into everything Matt told me it would be the summer I graduated from high school.  People accept me.  I'm involved in a club that I really enjoy and have a life outside of my schoolwork. I have friends who truly love me and support me.  I'm talking to a sweet guy who likes me for me, doesn't want to change me, and doesn't want to use me (well, except for my Statistics knowledge :D). 

I am happier right now than I think I have ever been.

God has blessed me so, so much.  I can never thank Him enough.

I am grateful.

At first I was annoyed by everything that happened today, that we were on lockdown for what turned out to be nothing.

But the more I thought about it, the more grateful I became.

When I heard the words "gunman on campus" my thoughts immediately went to the Virginia Tech massacre from April 2007.  I don't know why, but they did.  The terror and pain that wracked that campus is unimaginable.  And I was scared we were going to live through it, too.  I texted all of my friends making sure they were safe.  I don't know what I'd do if someone I loved was hurt like that.

But no.  We are safe.  Life returns to normal tomorrow.  And that is just an incredible blessing.

This is my Facebook status that I just posted.  I mean every word of it.

"Tonight, I'm going to bed grateful. Grateful that the incident today was nothing serious and no one was hurt, not even the guy who caused it all. Grateful that my school's administration takes protecting its staff and students so seriously. Grateful that God was watching out for us, because we've all seen how something like this can turn out to be a disaster. We're lucky that today wasn't."

Grateful.

You think it'll never happen to you...

and then it does.

Except on a much more bizarre, much more pathetic scale.

So at 1:58 today, I got an email saying that there is a campus-wide lockdown.

That's never a good thing.

Thanks to the world of Facebook and online news websites, word spread like wildfire that there's a gunman on campus. 

*cue the police swarming, SWAT teams, and general freakouts*

Now, it's not much of a shock that I panic.  My thoughts immediately went to the VA Tech massacre.  I was terrified.

And of course, there's about fifty billion contradicting stories flying around.  So I wasn't entirely sure what was going on for most of the time.  All I knew was there was a guy with a gun and police had him cornered.

Then the truth comes out.  To the news.  Of course, campus administration won't tell US what the heck is going on, but they'll happily inform the local ABC affiliate.

Some dude has barricaded himself in his house, all because cops showed up and tried to serve him with papers or a warrant or something.  I've met this guy before, and he's an injured Air Force vet who's got a service dog and PTSD.  He has a gun, but he's not out to hurt people.  He's just trying to avoid the cops, which is ridiculous since he's never going to.  But with PTSD and his house swarmed by practically every law enforcement officer in this county, he can't possibly be thinking clearly.

This is way too much excitement for a Wednesday.

This is way too much excitement for Buies Creek.

Thank the Lord for His protection.  May He be with Jared and lead this to a peaceful end.  (And soon! I don't wanna miss French class tomorrow! :D)

About a boy.

So um. Today was weird. But in a good way.

Remember the guy I mentioned here from my State & Local class?

Well, we hung out again today after class.  We didn't do anything except sit in my lobby and talk and flirt.  It was fun and cute, but at the end became very cute.

I don't even really remember how it happened, so I'll just get to the point:  I told him I'm attracted to him. He told me he's interested in me...but he doesn't have time for a girlfriend.

He's interested. in me. 

And at first I wondered if it was just some sort of lame way to give a rejection, but then he explained and gave me a hug and it made sense because on top of his full class load, he's in ROTC and that pretty much kicks his butt.  So okay. I get it.

But seriously, y'all.  This has never happened before!  And while I kind of thought he was flirting back and might be interested due to the fact that he came up to me before class and initiated the hang out after, my low self-esteem didn't want to let myself believe it.  Talk about a good surprise. :)

Really, though, most of all, this was like one big giant reminder from God that I'm okay the way that I am and I can't change for anyone.  That He's got a man in store that WILL love me exactly the way that I am.  That if I stay true to myself and follow His will for my life, wonderful things will happen.

Even though I don't foresee anything happening with Nick in the near future, which is totally fine because I also have a lot going on, today has meant a lot.  I'm pretty happy.  Okay, maybe really happy.  And grateful that God has chosen to bless me like this today.

It's been a good day. :)

Just Another Manic Marvelous Monday

TODAY ROCKS.

US History was canceled.  My professor got back from Ukraine yesterday, but apparently her cat got really sick while she was gone, so she was at the vet all day today.  My English professor was the one who drove her to and from the airport, and her husband was the one who proctored our test last Monday, and she was talking about it in English today.  That's the only reason I know.  But hey, extra sleep is always a plus in my book.

I got my schedule for next semester approved by my adviser, even if he did make a sort of snotty comment about the fact that I don't have a Political Science class on it, but whatever.  He approved it, and I like my schedule, which means that's over and done with.

Then, I got to see Ryann for a second because I had her ID and she needed it back.  She left it in Dr. Steegar's office last week and since there was no way to know when she was getting back, I took it in case I had the opportunity to give it to her this weekend.  Plus, his office is a bit of a mess, and I didn't want it to get lost in there.  But anyway, this was a treat because I basically don't ever get to see her outside of French.

The best part of all was that I'm pretty sure I rocked my Scope & Methods test.  I got the study guide done yesterday, but I had such a massive migraine I couldn't really look over it.  I'm thankful I have that break before that class because I got to study before it.  I just breezed through it...well, as breezy as you can be trying to write six paragraphs of information in less than 50 minutes.  Every single test in that class makes my entire arm hurt, no matter how hard I try to relax my hand when I write.  I'm just lucky that the block of time for the cumulative final is almost three hours.  I won't feel so rushed, so maybe I'll be able to write slower.

To put the icing on the cake of AWESOMENESS, English got let out ten minutes early.  My professor has the exact same class (Brit Lit 1) the period before our class, and she said she thinks she moves more quickly with us because she's already gone through it all, so it requires less thinking.  Hey, I'll take it. :)

So yeah.  Today rocks.  At least, it does for me.  How was your day?

Reminders

Oh, look, it's Sunday night again.

The good news: I got all of my homework done at a good hour. (aside from the work I needed to get done on my Scopes project, but that didn't HAVE to be done today)

The bad news: Campbell lost the championship 1-0.  It was an intense game.  The goal didn't even happen till like the 80th minute.  Radford got a free kick deservedly, because even I saw the foul on a not-so-spectacular livestream video, and a player headed the ball into the net just above Ryann's hands.  She's probably beating herself up about it, but so is the player who committed the foul most likely.  Either way, it was one hell of a fight, and it's games like this and a team like this that make me proud to be a Camel.  It reminded me of how happy I am to be a part of this school.

I made two signs for my wall this weekend, too.

I love that quote.  It's from Angie Smith's book "What Women Fear," and it's something that I know I need to remember.  Plus it makes for pretty decoration above my desk.  :)  If you don't know who Angie Smith is, check her out.  Christian or not, she will speak to you in some way, I promise.

And...

I first read that on sweet Sara Frankl's blog, and it's also something I could use a daily reminder of.  There can be great power in words, my friends.

I have a headache.  I blame doing the study guide for my Scope & Methods test tomorrow.  I'm kinda nervous about it, but I probably shouldn't be considering how I did on the first two tests.  The cumulative final, on the other hand, is a completely different story. ;)  Really, though, I'm lucky I managed to make it to the end of the review considering I had dark circles in my vision for the end part of it.  That's something my migraines have decided to start causing.  It's fun.

Have a wonderful Monday!

Because I'm a dork.

I videotaped the Daylight Savings Time "fall back".

(That's the first time I've uploaded a video straight to Blogger....hope it works.)

FIVE

I'm sorry, Tarheel fans, what was that?! The Wolfpack, a team you still refuse to consider real competition



 just shut you, the Tarholes Tarheels, out 13-0

meaning that we have won for the FIFTH. STRAIGHT. YEAR.

All together now...We're the red and white from State, and we know we are the best! With our hands behind our back, we can take on all the rest! GO TO HELL, CAROLINA! Devils and Deacs, stand in line! We're the red and white from NC State. GO STATE!

I love my Wolfpack.  I love stomping on Carolina.  I love watching Tarheel fans whine.

And my mom's paying for me to watch Ryann's soccer game online tomorrow.  I don't know if today can get better. :)