Letting It Out

Never let it be said that I cry pretty, because I certainly do not.  And tonight I absolutely lost it on the phone with Kyla.  I could probably partially blame it on my period and hormones, but I'm mostly thinking that this was pretty much on the edge for the past few days, and I just needed a time to talk and let it out.  There aren't a whole lot of people I feel safe enough with to cry in front of (save for that whole God breaking me thing at Sanctuary where I couldn't control people seeing me cry), but Kyla is definitely one of them.  God bless her.

That old, sort of cliché saying "Friends are the family God lets you choose" feels so real to me right now.  I try to keep conversations that were as deep and personal  as this one private, but suffice to say, it amazes me how God can connect the hearts of two strangers.  A 70-minute conversation that I spent at least 30 minutes of crying, she gave me all that sweet time of just talking and sharing my heart and fears, and gave the way she sees what I'm going through, and it was such a sweet reminder of how really not alone I am.

At the end, when she knew she needed to call Taylor and I needed to hit the sack, she prayed with me.  And God, sweet faithful God, showed up and answered right then my prayer that I would feel Him.  As I listened to these words of a girl I know cares for me so deeply, I felt Him just wrap His arms around me.  I told her I had goosebumps and she kind of laughed and said, "Those are holy bumps, my friend."  Holy bumps - I like that.

But yeah, I'm ending tonight with a smile on my face, and I seriously didn't think that would happen until about half an hour ago.  Sweet sisters and brothers that I have around me, they really have no idea how much they have been Jesus to me in my darkest moments over the past almost-year, but I thank God for them every day.  I can only hope and pray that I am as faithful of a friend to them.