I just got in my first legitimate fight with Matt in, well, I don't even know how long, possibly ever. All because of some stupid picture from one outlandish sect of Christianity that led to him going on some rant about "this is why all religion should be banned". And apparently it makes me a "judgmental b*tch" to send him a private (as in NO ONE ELSE could read it) message talking about the fact that stuff like this that he posts hurts me, and that I think he knows it does.
Well, not only did he prove to me he knew it would hurt me, he told me didn't care, and went into a whole new rant that hurt me in a dozen new ways. And of course, my mother walked in on me crying, forced me to tell her what happened, and then told me I was being oversensitive and to get over it. Because of course she doesn't understand.
Friends warned me for a long, long time that everyone would hurt me at some point or another. It's my fault for being stupid enough to believe that after so many years, it wouldn't happen with him. Like, somehow, our friendship was invincible. I guess it goes to show I had put faith in this friendship when the ONLY thing I can truly have faith in is God.
People are broken.
People are fallible.
This friendship is, at the very least, cracked. I just pray the cracks will heal.
I'm not going to pretend people don't hurt me when they do, especially someone who is supposed to respect me enough for me to be able to tell him anything. And I'm certainly not going to hide the one thing that is becoming a larger and larger part of who I am every day.
Even if that does make the guy who's supposed to be my best friend call me a nutcase.
Jesus said my faith would cost me. I just didn't think it was going to happen like this, or hurt like this. And so I write this post through blurry eyes begging for God to show me where to go from here. And to lay with me in the meantime.
Update: And of course we can't last half an hour without texting each other to apologize. That's more like it. :)
Every good friendship ebbs and flows...that is life. Every relationship does too..if people say it doesn't, they are lying. People change and sometimes not on the same timetable as our friends. It is respecting others beliefs even if they are not our own. By listening to others perspective, that is how we learn. If you think about it, if you had not listened to someone about Jesus and how it changed their life, perhaps you would be in a very different place right now. And we need to recognize where others are coming from as well...it's all about life experiences. I was raised devout catholic...school and church twice a week! Now? The catholic church disgusts me. I would never have thought that years ago...even 3 years ago. I "personally" believe religion sometimes does get in the way of true spirituality. That is a personal decision. Some people have "their God" that is homophobic, racist, and bigoted...based on their religion. I chose to believe differently. I find some things that people post on facebook, about Obama, and gay rights quite offensive but that is how they feel and their beliefs are no less important than mine. I remember my journey at 21, Senior in college...you are at a crossroads and in a few years your opinions and feelings will change yet again...it's a cool part of evolving! But also, keep in mind that friendships don't need to hurt if you don't allow them to...recognize where they are on their journey and they love you in the only way they know how! And you have a lot of love around you!
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