The good kind of crazy.

Ah, Day 2.

Well, because of my much-later-than-expected night last night, I slept in until it was time to get up for lunch.  They were actually serving us lunch, so yay for not having to spend money on that meal.  The lunch break was two hours, so I went back to my room and hung out until the training sessions started back at 2:00.

Then, I went to a training session about campaign invasions.  It sounds way cooler than it actually is; invasion just means a whole group of people go into a town or a part of a city and start knocking on doors.  It was pretty cool, though.

At 3:00, there was a "Meet the Candidates" session, in which we were able to ask questions of the people running for positions on the National Board, but since all the candidates were running unopposed, it was more like "Meet the New Officers."  Haha.

At 5:00, we broke for dinner.  There were extra sandwich bags (with chips, an apple, and a cookie) left over from lunch, so I got one of those for dinner.  The turkey was really good.  I just hung out in my room until the dinner break was over because I seriously was exhausted.  Thursday night was really rough.

At 7:00, I went down to the hotel bar where CDA was having a reception.  They had chips and this really good cheese dip. This girl came up and introduced herself because she heard me say I was from North Carolina when I asked a question at the "Meet the Candidates" session.  Her name is Jillian; she was really nice, and we spent most of the night hanging out and talking.  While we were sitting there, she noticed Rob, the Youth Vote director for Obama for America, talking to some guy we had never seen before, and she wanted to know who he was.  And seeing as I'm not shy, like, ever, I basically just got up, walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I asked who he was.  He said his name was Duke, and Rob said he was a surrogate for Obama.  We talked for a few minutes about what it's like to work for the President and actually get to meet him and talk to him and shake his hand (seeing as Obama is one of my heroes, I was enthralled by the conversation), but then he had to give his big speech.

Rob introduced him, and one of the first lines out of his mouth was "This is James Duke Mason.  He's the son of Belinda Carlisle of the Go-Go's."

Holy. cow.

Turns out "Duke" is actually a quite famous LGBT activist.  He gave a really beautiful speech about why this election is so key for the Democratic Party, and it's about a lot more than gay rights.  Afterwards, we talked off and on, because he had lots of people to meet, and when I wasn't talking to him, I was mingling with the crowd and meeting lots of great people.  At one point, he and I were both talking to a couple of guys, and Duke looked over at me and said "This is Mallory" not knowing I'd already met the guys before.  One guy just randomly came up and introduced himself to me; I still have no idea how he knew who I was.  Then all three of them started talking about how "inspiring" I am because I'd ended up talking to all of them about how passionate I am about fight for rights for the LGBT community.  Which I personally find ridiculous knowing what Duke has done all by himself, but it was very flattering.  I had a great conversation with Duke about how this issue is important to me, even as a heterosexual woman.  But everyone there was just great.  I had a lot of fun.  I stayed down there until about 9:30 when I was just really tired.

The coolest part?  Before Duke left to go get a late dinner with Rob and some other OFA staff, we traded cell phone numbers and email addresses.  He's hoping to get back to NC before Election Day, and he said he'd love to come speak at Campbell.

I have the contact info of a celebrity and the son of one of the most famous female singer-songwriters of all time.  That guy might come to Campbell.

Seriously, y'all.  How is this my life?!

The ending to the night was absolutely unexpected and so, so crazy, but it's the kind of crazy I like.  The good kind of crazy.  The kind of crazy that makes your jaw drop and makes you lose the ability to think of any words other than "God, You are so awesome."

Oh yeah, this is Duke.  Isn't he just adorable? :)

Off to Charlotte.

(Okay, so per what seems to a tradition in hotels in big cities, the internet would have cost me $12 a day.  That wasn't going to happen.  So this post and the next two posts about the CDA Convention are being written Saturday night now that I'm back at Campbell.)

You know how "they" say that when you're waiting for something, time seems to move in slow motion?  Yeah...that's absolutely true.

Today was so long.  I got up, ate, and went to the post office before class.  My 80-minute Human Diversity class felt like it was 3 hours.

Then, I went by Dr. Thornton's office to get his advice about transferring in my credits from Georgetown where I got some AWESOME news: I don't have to take Constitutional Law!  That is a HUGE, HUGE relief for me.  For one, it's taught by a professor that I just don't get along with very well.  It's also apparently really hard.  And since I'm not going to go to law school, I don't really need in-depth Constitution education, so Dr. Thornton said he sees no reason why my Theories of Constitutional Interpretation class from TFAS shouldn't transfer.  Thank you, TFAS.  You're paying off only four weeks later. :)

That meeting didn't take very long, and then I came back to my room and finished the last-minute packing.  I changed into some business clothes for the reception tonight.  Just before 3:30, I walked down to Louis' apartment, and he came back from picking up Chris and we went to get Bria.  Then, we were FINALLY on the road.

The schedule was really unclear, so we didn't find out until we were on the ride down there that the reception was actually starting at 6:00, instead of 6:30.  So we were going to be late.  Then, of course, we ran into a four-car wreck right in the middle of Charlotte, so we basically didn't get there and checked in until 7:00.  All we did this night was go to the reception, meet some people, and hear the Secretary of the Democratic National Committee speak, and then a whole bunch of us went to get something to eat up the street at Wild Wings in Charlotte's epicenter.  There was a guy there that Louis has known for a while, but there were also some people that we had just met.  It was a LOT of fun.

It ended up being a much later night than I expected, and I didn't take a single picture, but it was a great start to the convention.  When I went to bed, I was incredibly anxious for Day 2.

I don't know how I'm still awake.

I barely slept last night.  I didn't even get in bed until 1 am, and for some reason, it's now impossible for me to fall asleep without laying there for at least half an hour first, and then I got up at 6:30.

I'm fairly sure I've said this about a thousand times, but I don't do well on less than five hours of sleep.  Truth be told, I can partially thank the medications I take for that one.

But it is what it is, and I got up and went to class.  And then both Ryann and the other guy in our French history class were sick, so it was me talking to Dr. Steegar in French for 50 minutes by myself.  I've never had a one-on-one session with him like that before.  Immediately after that, I had French lit in which I had to translate pieces of a work from the 12th century (and that's just when the first written account is from, the original story is from the 9th century).  Luckily the French was modernized, but the story was SO BORING.  It was like Beowulf minus the crazy sci-fi monsters and stuff.

Then, I came back to my room and took a nap from 10:30 to 12:00.  I got up, went and ate lunch, and then went to Comparative Foreign Government and Municipal Government.  Luckily both of those professors are lively enough that they kept me from falling asleep.

Knowing that if I took another nap, there would be no chance of me sleeping at a reasonable hour, I forced myself to stay awake by doing lots of random things for a couple hours.

At 5:30, I went and had dinner with Louis, my friend Summer who has magically become a Democrat, and Deagan.  It was so much fun.  We spent two hours just talking politics.  I have a great group of friends.  It's nice to be around people who love to talk about the same stuff you do.

Then, I came back and rewrote some notes because the original copy was really messy.  After that, I started doing laundry and packing and whatnot because YAY, we leave for the College Democrats of America Convention in Charlotte tomorrow afternoon.  I'm so excited!  I plan on taking my computer with me in case I have time to blog at the end of each night, but if not, don't freak out, we'll be back late Saturday night, and I'll update as soon as I can.

Okay, I'm tired.  (Gee, I wonder why.)  My laundry is done and I've packed all that I could, so I am going to bed.  These pictures are just some more from the cookout, but they were taken by a girl from the school paper who obviously had a really nice camera.  I'm posting them because I like them better than my crappy cell phone pics, and because a couple of them make me laugh.

Oh yes.  I asked questions.  And yes, that's plural.  What can I say?  No one else was talking and it's a US Congressman!  I love how Brad and Steve and that other lady are watching me so intently.

Yeah...I talk with my hands.  A lot.

Louis said I'm in like half of the pictures that have Mr. Etheridge in them.  I find that awesome, and totally plausible.  I love him, Mom LOVES him, and it's a US CONGRESSMAN!  

This one cracks me up because I have absolutely no memory of pointing so awkwardly like that.

Louis posted on Twitter that this picture is "perfect on so many levels."  They are totally cheesing, so I must've been saying something hilarious.  Which is funny, because I don't remember what I said that could've been that funny, either.

I love this picture.  It's my new profile picture on Facebook. :)

At the end, the people who were still there got to take a group shot with all the candidates and Mr. Etheridge.

A brighter shot of the officers.

Chris, me, and Louis.  The invincible trio. :D  I kept calling them "my boys" and I have no idea why.

Convention tomorrow! But first, Human Diversity and a meeting with Dr. Thornton, and a 3 hour car ride.

I really need sleep.

The day I met Bob Etheridge.

As in Bob Etheridge, the 7-term former US Congressman and one of the most distinguished Campbell graduates EVER.

The cookout was...epic.  Thank the Lord Burkot is connected to two other dorms, so there's a giant covered porch in front where we could have the cookout because it was pouring rain.  Chris and Jordan's roommate, John, grilled all the food under a tent in the rain.  Nice guy, huh?
11
The local Democratic party showed up.  All the local candidates who were at Street Fair last week, and we had a surprising number of students come considering the weather.  Thankfully, the rumored harassment from the College Republicans didn't happen (yeah, I know), but we had Campus Security there just in case so they got some free food.

I still can't believe I met Bob Etheridge.  I got a picture with him and immediately texted it to Mom because she LOVES him.

It's midnight, and I have to be up at 6:30, so I have nothing else to say.  Here are the pictures.

This would be Mr. Etheridge. Mom FLIPPED when I sent her this.

Brad Salmon (State Senate candidate)

Joe Langley (State House candidate)

Kim...I forgot her last name (County Register of Deeds running for re-election)

Steve Wilkins (US House candidate)

Andrew Wilkins (Steve's son/campaign manager)

Teresa Sloan-Oudeh (the chair of the Harnett County Democratic Party)

me and Deagan, just a freshman who joined the club and has become Louis' protégé pretty much

the officers with Congressman Etheridge

I love my life.  I am so blessed.  So, so ridiculously blessed. :)

Reunited! And it feels so good.

Yay Vespers night.  I've pretty much been counting down to this night since I found out it was the day they'd be back in my area.  I love them, what can I say?  They're like my family now.  How could they not be?  After all we've been through together in the past year and a half, after everything that's happened in 2012 alone, I'd say it's pretty understandable that I consider these 4 kids my brothers and sisters.

To make it even better, my lovely friend Morgan drove me, so we got to hang out, too.  I don't get to see her enough, so it was nice to get some girl time in.  It's about a 45 minute drive from Campbell to the cafe where the show was, so there was plenty of time to talk.  We didn't get there until about 6:40, and it was like God decided to give me a special blessing because even though there was already a nice sized crowd in there, there was one table right on the front row still open.

The band was getting ready in a back room, so Morgan and I just sat there talking.  They started playing about 7:30, and right as they started I got a notification on my phone from Twitter.  This is what I found.

At first I was really confused as to what the band was referring to, until I found Justin's tweet.  Then, I saw his picture and realized he was making a joke about the seats he and his friend had, at the back, to the side of the stage.  That guy in the striped shirt in the second picture is Justin, next to him is his friend Johno.  Bruno took that pic through the window in the door of the room where they were getting ready.  

Well, being me and not shy about talking to pretty much anyone, once I figured out where he was, I basically just walked up to their table and was like, "Hi. Is one of you Justin?"  He said yes, and I invited them to come sit at the table with me and Morgan.  They said, "Oh no, we're fine." And then I said "It's fine, come on."  And he said, "....well, do you have space?"  So Morgan and I got to sit with two cute guys for the whole show. :)  They were excited.  It seemed like I made their night, which always feels good.  I mean, that's all it took? :)  They're Seminary students at Wake Forest, which is RIDICULOUSLY hard to get into and very impressive.  I might have new people to hang with when the band comes back around, which is always awesome.  Sorry, no pictures of them, though.  I didn't want to be THAT weird. ;)  They were kinda freaked out when I just walked up and knew one of their names at first, and then Justin looked at his phone and saw the reply from Bruno.  Haha, I may be odd, but I'm not a stalker.  Or a psychic. :p

Johno took this picture of me and Morgan.  You know me.  I love pictures with my friends. :)

After the show, we basically just waited for a bunch of the people to get their merchandise and then get it signed and leave.  Once we got near them, I, of course, got hugs, and a picture.

Yeah, I know Taylor's head is cut off.  Blame Morgan and the fact that he's ridiculously tall. :p

I also got to meet "Intern Caitie" and it was nice to put a face to the name I'd been hearing for a while.  She's their manager now, pretty much.  She knew who I was, too, which was kind of funny and also humbling. :)  I spent a good bit mostly talking to Taylor and got another t-shirt to add to my collection.  Because 3 just wasn't enough!

I think it's my favorite one so far. :D  Looks like I know what I'll be wearing to class tomorrow!

Hi, my name is Mal, and I have a problem.

A problem I'm totally okay with having, by the way.

We left about 9:15 because Morgan has class early tomorrow, and then got kind of lost on the way back but it ended up only taking us about 15 extra minutes, which was good because her GPS wouldn't cooperate and both our phones were dead.

And what would a good Vespers night recap be without a video of some of the most talented people I know performing?  I actually took this to make a couple special people who couldn't be here smile.  Might as well pay forward the blessings these four have given me over the time we've known each other. :)

Blessings abound.

My head.  It feels like it's going to explode.  Slight problem.

I had a very productive Saturday.  Yay for productivity.  Granted, it wasn't as productive as I needed it to be, but I draw the line at reading a Comparative Politics textbook with a migraine.  So, you win some, you lose some.

I am so excited for tomorrow.  I think the last time I was this excited for a Monday was when I was about to fly to Nashville.  The Vespers just sort of do that to me.  Combine them with the opportunity for a girls night with one of my favorite people at this school, and I can't help how excited I get!

Matt and Simone broke up.  Again.  Except this one seems to have come out of the blue because the last time they got back together they seemed to be on the same page about everything.  It's interesting because this is the first time he's been through this that I haven't been completely in love with him.  Ha!  It just gives me a different perspective on it; I'm not so blinded by my feelings for him anymore that I can see his faults in it all.  Don't get me wrong; I am still fiercely protective of my best friend and hate little else in the world more than I hate seeing him hurt.  I'm just not so naive about it all anymore. :)  He says he's fine about it, and I'm sure he is right now, but it's going to hit him sooner or later, and then is when my heart is really going to break for him.  Like I said, there aren't many things I hate more than seeing him heartbroken.  He knows how much I love him, though, and I'm honored to be able to be there for him like he's been there for me so many times.  This is our "friend anniversary" month!  Ten years seems like a long time, but I can't remember life before I knew that kid.

Blessing of the day:  Danny, coincidentally one of the fantastic people I met in Nashville, wrote this when I texted him to ask if his band's EP would still be available at Christmas because it looks like that's the first time I'll have spending money: "Psh. Girl. Text me your address and I'll send you one!"  Guess what - people, as a whole, generally don't suck. :)

Paddy is North Carolina.

My hotel room for the College Democrats of America convention is reserved.

My ticket for Obama's acceptance speech is in Louis' possession.

I get to hang out with 5 of my best friends tomorrow.

Physical pain or no, how on earth can I complain?!

Crazy Saturday night.

Ha.  Just kidding.

My Saturday has been ridiculously boring.  A usual Saturday for me, really.

I've slept (a lot, the only escape from this physical pain I'm dealing with), done laundry, read for class (because it's the first week and I already have a list a mile long), talked politics with Louis, and listened to music.

I have to finish folding my laundry.  Then, I'm going to read some more before I go to bed.

Tomorrow is going to be reading, reading, and more reading.  I'm praying this pain in my arms and shoulders subsides at least somewhat before the week starts.  This is going to be a crazy week.  I need to be at my best.  Dealing with what feels like the world's biggest (literally it goes from all the way up one arm, across my shoulder blades and chest, and down the other arm) never-ending (because this is what, day 4?) muscle cramp is not really a good thing to add to the list of what's going on this week.

Lord, please.  Please give me healing and strength.  I can't heal me.  Only You can.

I have a sinus infection.

I have a sinus infection before one of the busiest weeks of my semester.

I have a sinus infection and no money to get an antibiotic.

I have a sinus infection after one week of school.

Ugh.  You see, I was trying to pretend like it was just my allergies because, really, only losers get sick the first week.  But no.  This much congestion and drainage cannot be allergies.  I sneeze my head off when I have allergy issues.  If I'm not careful, it'll turn into an upper respiratory infection; the lady in the cafeteria said I sounded sick when I ordered my lunch because my voice is weak and raspy, too.

I cannot be sick next week.  Not with The Vespers, and the College Dems cookout, and then the College Dems of America convention.  No, no, no.  I refuse.

Oh, and I have a pinched nerve somewhere in my upper back that is making it excruciatingly painful to use my arms AT ALL.

I'm pathetic today.  And I have so much homework to do.  Not exactly good news when I have a major headache that will not go away because, hello, I am sick.

I am staying holed up in my dorm this weekend.  Thank God I have some soup.

I can't decide if I want to do a little bit of my homework tonight, or just go to bed.  College kid problems.

Let go and forgive.

I know I said I wasn't going to talk about him anymore, but tonight, I really need to.  Not because something happened with him, but because I had a conversation with a friend who asked about the situation with him, and she really opened my eyes to some things that I think I was in denial about.

I'm the kind of person who needs closure to things.  I don't deal well when people just up and disappear from my life like this boy did.  I've been feeling like I didn't know how to forgive him for what happened until or unless I could have one last conversation with him to get at least some of the many questions I have answered.  But when God told people to forgive, He didn't give conditions about it.  It wasn't "Forgive if he tells you what you need to hear."  It wasn't "Forgive if he apologizes for breaking your heart."  He simply said, "Forgive, my child, as I have forgiven you."

Beyond that, though, this friend tonight made me realize that forgiveness isn't about him.  It isn't for him.  Considering I don't even think he knows how badly he hurt me and I haven't heard from him in close to a month, I don't really think he cares whether I'm angry with him or I've forgiven him.  Forgiveness is for me.  I'm not going to be able to really let him go, let the past I have with him go, until I figure out how to forgive him on my own.  I have to learn to forgive him now, without knowing whether or not he'll ever show up in my life again.  My heart's not going to heal until I do.  Holding onto this anger and this pain does nothing but drag me down.

I'm not gonna lie.  There have been several times where I've almost called him, I've almost chewed him out for not caring about what he did to me.  But as this oh-so-wise girlfriend put it tonight, "Mal, you're giving him way too much credit.  He probably has no freaking clue."  And she's right.  I mean, guys his age are notorious for being dense and selfish.  And besides, in my heart, I know it wouldn't make any difference.  If I did make that phone call, by the end of it, I'd be apologizing again and he'd be acting like he was doing me some sort of favor.

I don't need pity.  His, or anyone else's.  Never in my life have I been a charity case, so I'm not going to start now.  If I called him, I'd probably be inviting him back into my life.  If I didn't, would this "closure" even do anything?  I know I did the right thing by cutting him out, but the pain is still there.  That's why I have to forgive him, and the sooner the better, because the pain isn't going to go away until I do.  It's still new to me, though.  I've never let go of someone without forcing one last conversation out of them.  And I can't do that this time.  I just can't.  I don't have it in me.  He meant too much, what I thought I found in him meant too much.

So here I sit.  Saying the same things in a thousand different ways because my words are all I have left, annoying the people who love me because I can't let all of this go, angry at myself because I still care about a boy who didn't respect me.  Every day he doesn't reach out to me pushes me another step closer to accepting the fact that the friendship I thought I had wasn't real and he isn't who I thought he was.

I know what good has come out of this.  It's pushed me closer to God, taught me more about myself and relying on God than being friends with this boy ever did, and made me see who my real friends are.  For the first time in my life, I've been able to earnestly pray for this boy.  I've never been able to pray for someone who hurt me before, but I pray for him.  I pray that knowing me taught him something, I pray that he won't make the same mistakes with another girl, I pray someone's able to show him the love I tried to show him that he couldn't see.  I used to pray that no one would ever do this to him, but sooner or later, someone will because we're all broken people.  I'm broken, he's broken, and broken people break hearts.

I have to forgive him.  I have to let him go.  This was never really about him, anyway.  This was about me and the Father who loves me despite the countless times I mess up.  This was about me seeing His love for me in a whole new light.  I still have God, and by this friend's words tonight, that means "I got the better end of the deal."  And I did.  I got a perfect God and left a broken boy who couldn't love me where he belongs - out of my life.

God, please show me how to forgive him.  Show me how to forgive him the way you forgive me all day every day.  Take this off of my shoulders and out of my mind so I can focus on all of the blessings that You've put in my life.  Help me let go.  Not just of him, but all the anger I've been in denial about harboring, for the grandfather who never loved me, for the sister who doesn't know how to love, for all of the times I've been left in the dust.  I still have You, and that means I win.

I don't know what is going on with me.

I'm not sleeping well, and I don't know why.  Every night that I've gotten in bed this week, I've felt SO exhausted, and then I lie there unable to fall asleep.  Then, when I finally do fall asleep, it's not good sleep.  It's really bizarre.

I don't think it's school stress.  The past few days have been amazing, and surprisingly drama free.  I've felt excited about the semester, and I'm really not worried about any of the classes I've been to thus far.  The College Democrats are off to a great start, and I found out today that I am guaranteed a ticket to see Obama's acceptance speech in person in Charlotte on September 6th.

Nothing out of the ordinary is going on at home, either.  Mom's back at work, so she gets more of a break from Chelsea, which is good for everyone involved.

Nothing is going on in my personal life, either.  Everything that I was dealing with before is still there, but it's all sort of stagnant, as in, nothing new has happened to get me feeling extra emotional about it all over again.  I mean, yes, it's still on my heart and mind, but I was thinking about it less than before because I've had so much stuff at school to keep me occupied.

I just can't figure out why I'm not sleeping much.  I also don't know why I have this nagging feeling that something big is about to happen.  I don't know if it's good or bad, but I feel like something's coming.

This probably doesn't even make sense, but it's what you get when I'm in this state.  I need good quality sleep to be at my best, so it doesn't exactly bode well that I'm already having trouble sleeping in the first week.

Lord, help me.  I need rest.

:)

That's all today's post gets for a title - a smiley face.  Because I just can't stop smiling.

I loved spending my summer in DC, don't get me wrong, but there's no place I've ever felt happier than right here in Buies Creek.

Being here has helped me find clarity, enough that I was able to see and talk about positive things that came out of a heartbreaking end to a friendship that meant a lot to me (not Gabe and Nate).  I'd never really realized these things until I was talking about this person with Amy on Skype tonight.  I've learned over the years that if you look hard enough, you can always find something good in a bad situation.

Having lunch with Ryann, having friends who talk to me on Skype for an hour or text me out of the blue just to see how I'm doing, being faced with classes that excite me (even Human Diversity, which I was not excited about going into it) and professors that care about my opinion on things and challenge me to see the other side, it all makes me happier than I can even explain.  God definitely knew what He was doing in sending me to this school.  I can't imagine any other place giving me this kind of feeling.

Oh, AND I talked to Paddy again today, and he wants to come to Campbell on Friday the 7th because he wants to visit a couple classes just to see what an American university is like.  So that's one less day I have to wait to see him and more time we get to spend together!  And Louis says he can crash at his apartment which is literally across the street from my dorm.  See?  More happy.

I'm at school.  I have things to do to fill my time and people to fill my heart with more love than I know what to do with.  It's like Campbell has this magical ability to make me forget everything that was weighing on me before I got here.

I have to get to bed.  I've got French at 9!  Back to Dr. Steegar! :)

Good night, world.  To anyone reading this:  I pray that God makes you aware of His presence in your life and His love for you in a real and tangible way.  Everyone should have the feeling I have right now.

SO HAPPY!

Today could not have gone any better for the Campbell Democrats.

Street Fair was a huge success.  The Harnett County Democrats totally showed up and provided a tent and tons of desserts for us to give out.  Plus, Steve Wilkins (running for US House in the district Campbell is in), Brad Salmon (running for this district's State Senate seat), and Joe Langley (running for this district's State House seat) all came and talked to people hanging around our area.  AND the county field organizerrs for Obama for America came and helped register people.  We registered 50 non-Republican voters (no, we didn't intentionally leave out Republicans, that's illegal, we just never dealt with any) and 85 people signed up for the club.  That is hands down the biggest turnout Campbell Democrats has ever had at Street Fair.  The Chair of the Harnett County Democrats kept talking about how thrilled they are that a Democratic party is actually doing something useful on campus.

I was manning the table the entire time because of my feet issues, and that was not easy by myself because there were that many people around.  At one point, I had five people trying to talk to me at the same time.  But it was SO MUCH FUN.  I am definitely in my element here.  We met some great freshmen, too, who seem to be really enthusiastic, this one kid in particular, which gives us great hope for the future of the club.

I got some pictures with the candidates, but then I was an idiot and deleted them when I was trying to email them to myself off my phone.  I did steal this one from Facebook, though.

From left, that's Courtney (Communications Director), Chris (Vice President), Jordan (Treasurer), Louis (President), Scarlet (Chief of Staff), me (Secretary), and Bria (Historian).  We really work well together.  I am so honored to be a part of this team.  Until us, Campbell appeared to be a one-party campus.  We've done more together so far than I think the Campbell Democrats have done in the past 4 years combined, and it's only the second day we've all been on campus.  More than that, though, we're not just a team of officers in a club; we really are friends.

It's amazing how tired I am right now when the fair was only two hours and all I did before going to help set up at 5 was get my new ID and my books (and I actually like my new ID picture! first time for everything).  So I'm going to go to sleep now.  I'm SUPER grateful for the fact that I don't have to be anywhere until 11:30 tomorrow, and that's to have lunch with Ryann.  I can't wait to see her!!! :D  Then, I have Human Diversity (my one required Sociology class) at 12:30.  Then, who knows what.

I'm going to do my best not to get into political topics on this blog, but I will be talking a lot about what I do with this club.  It's going to be a huge part of my life from now until November 6th, and I couldn't be happier about it.  

It's a really good feeling when you get to go to bed with a huge smile on your face.

I'm going to collapse now.

I am glad today's over.  I am glad I am finally back here at school with people that I love to spend time with and can have fun with.  But man, move-in day is not fun.  It's really not fun when it's raining pretty much the entire day.

Added to that, Mom forgot directions on a trip she's made 30 times before, my card is overdrawn so I literally have no money from now until the end of the month (thank God for Camel Bucks and my friends), we almost couldn't get the U-Haul because no one told us there'd be a deposit and if I am broke Mom is REALLY broke, I forgot where I put the key to my storage unit then found it then dropped it but luckily Holly found it, I asked way too many people to come help me, and Mom hurt herself.

But I'm here.  And I'm unpacked.  And I got to have dinner with Louis, Chris, Jordan, Scarlet, and Bria (aka the officers of the College Dems).  So yay for all of that.

Now, I'm going to go take a nice, hot shower to get the six inches of sweat off of me, and then crash because tomorrow, we hit the ground running.

Here's to another fantastic semester on the campus that I love.  :)

Summer is officially over.

Laundry.

Babysitting.

Packing.

LOTS of packing.

Writing a letter I'll never send instead of the letter I need to send.

Music.

Major sinus headache.

That about sums up my day.

This time tomorrow, I'll be in my dorm after a long day of moving in and dinner with the College Democrats officers.  I'll be on the same campus with my best friend.  I'll be surrounded by people who know me and love me.  I'll be less than 36 hours away from the first day of classes.

Yay.  Campbell.  I'm coming home!

This is because....well, who doesn't love a good Adele song?

Now look at us.

Someone just said something really interesting to me.  It will probably seem small to you, but it just struck me as evidence of just what God can do when I'm not paying attention.

Anyway, I said to this friend that I am really glad we've become as good of friends as we are now, and they responded, "I know! I love how we're friends now! I didn't really know you a few months ago and now look at us!"  Hearing that (or reading it, rather, as this was a texting conversation) made me realize just how quickly some of the friendships that I hold most dear formed.

In January 2011, I had a handful of friends.  Seriously.  Like, I could count on one hand the people I considered friends, even in the smallest sense of the word.  I was scared.  I was lonely.  I had just survived a year and a half of medical hell, so I had never had the opportunity to create a social life and thus had no idea where to begin.

Then, I met The Vespers.  And I don't really need to restate how magical my friendship with those four has been and become.

Then, one of those few friends, Amy, invited me to her Bible Study.  There, I met Elizabeth, and from the first time she and I had dinner, we both knew our stories were way too similar to us have met by coincidence.

Then, I started talking to Ryann in class.  One day, I offered to help her study for a test because we had 3 classes together, and suddenly, I was texting her a prayer request about my mom.  Seven months later, and we were like sisters.  We still are.  I, the outcast, overweight nerd, became best friends with the gorgeous, popular athlete.  Now, she is hands down at the top of my Campbell family list.

Fast forward to 2012, and quickly-forming friendships are even more evident.

In March, I met Alex at the debate.  What started out as dinner plans to talk politics has turned into countless hours on the phone talking about anything and everything.  That kid has been the one constant reality check in my life and isn't afraid to tell me I've been the same for him.  He's #2 on the people from Campbell I miss. ;)

In April, of course, was the epic Nashville trip, and I met so many amazing people that week, but there are two that stand out.  Michal is the first, because I went from feeling like I was finding out about a new friend to feeling like I was catching up with my sister in the course of one conversation.   The second is someone I never actually met; her name is Kyla.  I didn't even know who she was until a couple weeks after when she contacted me on Twitter about my blog post about the night at Sanctuary because Taylor retweeted it.  Turns out, she is in the Sanctuary band, which means she played a big part in that night for me and she didn't even know it.

And right at the end of the semester, I started making friends with Louis simply because of the College Democrats Executive Board, and now I consider him a real friend on a personal level.  It takes a really special person to have someone's back even when they're told not to.

Add into all of these new friendships the friendships that I've been able to strengthen, and I can't help but be blown away at how God has moved.  Three years ago, I had NO friends other than Matt.  I didn't know if I ever would.  And now, I have so many people who love me.  Looking back, part of me still can't believe that this is my life now.

This is why I'm always telling the people I love what they mean to me, because I know what it's like to literally have no one.  I don't want the people in my life to ever feel like they don't matter or they aren't making a difference, even for a second.  No one should ever have to feel that way.

In a comment on one blogger's post today, I ended up saying something that didn't really hit me until after I hit send: "It just seems that as humans, we have a much easier time focusing on the one who rejects us than the many who welcome us with open arms."  And it's true.  I've been doing that a lot lately.  So instead of thinking about all the people who are hurting me or letting me down, right now, I dedicate this post to all of the friends who have shown up in the craziest ways and stuck by me.  And yes, that includes some of you! (Vivielle, JD, Courtney, just to name a few) :)

Here's to us.

The anticipation is building.

Anticipation for getting back to school on Sunday and finally seeing some friends, the friends that are more like family to me at this point.

Anticipation for simply finally getting the heck out of this house.

Anticipation for the start of new classes, a full load, lots of work to fill my time.

Anticipation for all the plans Louis and I have for the College Democrats this fall, all of the events we're planning, the CDA convention, Obama's acceptance speech, the election, surprising the heck out of the Republicans, all of it.

Anticipation for all of the plans I have outside of school and the CDs.

Anticipation for getting back to the place that is my home.

Tomorrow is a full day of shopping to stock up on food and various other supplies.  Saturday is laundry, enjoying my last day of vacation, and packing.  Then, Sunday, we're off.  And honestly, I cannot wait.



Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people, I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine, baby. How are you?"
Well, I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I 
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home

Let me go home
It will all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home 

Two Quotes

I was in the mood for a little inspiration today.  Inspiration to fight for my dreams, stay true to myself, never give up on what I know is right, and remember what I'm worth.

I pray that one of these will touch someone out there today.

Here's to the crazy ones.

Stronger

Well, as a random aside, that whole gum tissue removal thing didn't hurt nearly as bad as I expected it to, and the pain totally went away by dinnertime tonight.  So yeah, I'm happy.  Dr. Rankin said my gums are going to look pretty red for a few days, but I'm already pleased with how much better my smile looks with that extra tissue removed.  Maybe I'll post some pictures after the redness goes away.  The fun part was the numbing stuff they put on my gums beforehand; it made all of the teeth in the front of my mouth and my lips go numb, too.  It felt cool, but it was aggravating that I couldn't stop drooling or talk normally for a few hours.  And I FINALLY got my permanent retainer in, so I don't have to wear any other retainers anymore. Yay for that.

I took a four hour nap this afternoon when I got home, which felt awesome.  After that, I basically did absolutely nothing of importance.

I titled this post "Stronger," though, because a totally sweet girlfriend of mine emailed me a link to a song today.  She said she heard it on the radio, and despite not even liking country music, she had to listen to it all the way through because it made her think of me.  These are the friends I need to focus on.  I am so loved, not just by God, but also by so many kind, loving, wonderful people that He has put in my life in the craziest ways.  No selfish boys can take that away from me.

So to the one boy in particular, the one who broke my heart, this one's for you.  I'm done.  This is the last time I'll be talking about you on this blog because the way you treated me doesn't deserve another second of my time.



And I'm done hopin' that we could work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinnin' my wheels,
lettin' you drag my heart around.
And ohhh, and I'm done thinkin' that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

I'm moving on to the people who respect my heart.  You don't get that kind of power over me, not anymore.   You may not see it, but I'm worth more than that.

Guess what! I'm blind!

Okay, well, not really, but I'm pretty darn close.

I had to go to the eye doctor today, which was probably a good idea since I haven't been in 3 years.  I have to get new lenses for my glasses, including some special thing called prism that helps my right eye from turning in as badly as it does.  My left eye is a LOT stronger than my right eye, so it makes getting a correct prescription a little bit more complicated.  So maybe I'll be able to see the board in my classes more easily once I get these new lenses.

As soon as I get some cash in my bank account over the next few days, I'm going to start working on a new blog design.  I'm not sure what I want exactly yet, and I'm so indecisive that should be interesting getting straight, but I'm excited to get a new look.  And I'm probably going to change the name, too.  We'll see.  :)

Tomorrow, I have to get some of my extra gum tissue taken off with a laser at my orthodontist's office.  This should be interesting.  They put numbing cream on for the procedure, but I'm expecting it to be really bad once that wears off.

Mom and I are sitting here making really sarcastic jokes about this killer on 48 Hours.  I don't know why we find some preppy little rich kid claiming he didn't order the hit on someone he had all the motive in the world to kill so funny, but something about this kid's smirk just makes me and Mom want to smack him.  I know, I know, the death penalty isn't a joke, but we're a bizarre pair who love these shows.

Yawn.  I'm tired.  Between getting my eyes dilated and the constant watering from allergies, my eyes have been burning so bad.  Oh well, one day closer to school! :)

Focus on the good stuff.

I've had another one of those up-and-down days, but I don't really want to think anymore about the bad stuff because it does absolutely no good since I've been thinking about it for weeks.  So instead, I'm going to talk about all of the awesome stuff that's going on for me right now.

1.  I return to Campbell in seven days.  Enough said.

2.  On the 27th, Morgan and I are going to see The Vespers in Raleigh.  A girls night with one of my favorite friends and a chance to see my favorite band/some other dear friends whom I haven't seen since I was in Nashville at the beginning of April?  I couldn't really ask for anything else.

3.  From August 30th to September 2nd, I will almost definitely be in Charlotte with Louis and the Executive Board of the Campbell Democrats for the College Democrats of America Convention.  I say "almost definitely" because we're still waiting on confirmation that the History/Political Science/Criminal Justice department at Campbell is going to provide funding.  I had a possible schedule conflict, but that got cleared up today. Which leads me to number four...

4.  On September 8th and 9th, I get to spend the whole weekend with Paddy!  Originally, I was going to see him the weekend before because I could take him home to see Mom for Labor Day, but she's having a yard sale and doesn't want him to be bored, plus I really wanted to go to the CDA convention, so he got on Skype today and we figured it all out.  He says he's reserved that whole weekend for me because I'm his little sister so I'm special.  (Side note: I find that kind of hilarious because he's not even 10 months older than me and I'm so not little. But it's sweet and so Paddy.)

Also, Holly and Michael are getting in late tonight, and they're not leaving until Tuesday night, which is cool, but it's not got me all giddy like the rest of this stuff. :D

Today's been a very good lesson in self-restraint.  It's taken every ounce of control I have not to call up those 3 people I mentioned Friday and tell them exactly what they did to me.  But I haven't, because I know they wouldn't care if I did.  So I've been trying to repeat this sort of cheesy but really true quote so I don't forget it: "It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."  I have way too much going for me right now to give up.

Also, this is true, too.

Oh, look, I talked about the bad stuff again, anyway.  Oh well.  It is what it is.  This blog is my journal, and it gets whatever is on my mind.

Pleurisy pain sucks.

And that just about sums up today.

I had already decided to take the day off from talking to pretty much anyone.  This sort of solidified that plan.

I'm going back to bed.

8 days to Campbell.

All over the place today.

I've covered a lot of emotions today.

From excitement over trying a new hairstylist today who made my hair look even better than it did before,

to fear and worry when I found out my CT results were in 24 hours after the scan, which is next to unheard of,

to relief when the CT almost definitely confirmed that the mass is just a hemangioma, and I won't have to do anything about it for 6 months to a year to check to make sure it hasn't grown,

to sadness when thinking about the 3 guys who have recently proved themselves to be exactly who I was afraid they were,

to absolute heartbreak when thinking about 1 of those guys in particular,

to anger over what he did, how he handled the aftermath, and his lack of remorse,

to butterflies over a boy who doesn't know how special he really is and how he makes me feel,

to a sense of 1000 pounds being lifted off my shoulders when I was able to spend an hour on the phone with a girlfriend who was the perfect mix of support, comfort, reality check, and wisdom,

to gratitude for all of the ways I see that God has blessed me today, that I am relatively healthy, and that I have so many people who truly know my heart and love me and tell me they want me to stay the same girl that I am right now.

It's been a crazy day.  I'm so relieved that I finally got an answer about my liver and that everything looked okay on the scan.  I also have a sense of peace about the decisions I've made to cut certain people out of my life since I realized that they serve no healthy purpose for me anymore, but I'm still a bit heartbroken.  I probably will be for a while.  I've been burned by people before, but not like this.  As much as it kills me to let people go, I have to do what is best for me.  And the best thing for my sanity right now is to completely remove anyone who is harmful.  I'll never be able to heal the damage that's been done if I don't.

So instead, I'm going to focus on the people who lift me up.  The girls who text me just to tell me they love me.  The boys who tell me they're ready to see me.  The people who are there when I need them and never expect anything in return.  I am so blessed.  I have to stay focused on that.

9 days to Campbell.

This song really has nothing to do with what I've written. I just found it today and pretty much fell in love with it.