Tonight, I went to the ladies' small group meeting organized by my church and run by the pastor's wife and the wife of one of the guys in the band. I don't know why I didn't know something big was going to happen tonight, but that's usually when God's able to really blow my mind. And y'all, my mind = blown.
The study we're doing is on The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler. This week's video was called "The Gospel Matures You" and was basically about how to approach our relationship with Christ and our aim to live life in a Godly way with the right mindset. It focused a lot on Colossians 3:1-5.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil, desires and greed, which is idolatry."
This hit me. Hard. It's something I know I struggle with a lot. It goes back to the whole feeling like I'm not as good of a Christian as other people. I tried to get the behaviors right so I could be like these people I looked up to, and I completely missed the point of salvation which is having a relationship with Christ. There were times that I think I believed that God existed, I just didn't believe in the saving power He holds. There's a BIG difference between knowing God exists and having a relationship with Christ. I spent so much time focusing on my sin and shortcomings that I totally missed out on admiring the perfect grace and love that waits for me in heaven.
My life is hidden with Christ. All of my failures, sins, shortcomings, the times I went astray, the times I lost my faith entirely, all of that is hidden in the perfection that is Jesus Christ because he paid my debt for me.
It brought me back to my conversation with Taylor on Sunday night. This and so many other parts of tonight's meeting covered a LOT of the same stuff that we talked about with each other. And as Taylor put it when I texted him to tell him about the meeting and how much lined up with our conversation, "That's encouraging because it helps me feel like we're on the right track." Exactly what I was thinking. It's like how I felt when I heard the church band playing "Cannnons" on Sunday; it was like I saw God look down and wink at me.
Tonight, and the women that were there with me, 100% confirmed the fact that this church is where I am supposed to be right now. The past few days is something I'm still trying to process, but I think I'm realizing that this kind of love is something I'm not supposed to be able to process. It's the love that passes all understanding, the love that makes a Father give up his son for torture, humiliation, and death to pay for the sins of an imperfect girl trying to find her way in the 21st century.
This feeling I have right now is so special and so incredible that the only words I can think of to describe it are the words of a song I first heard at Sanctuary, "Like An Avalanche" by Hillsong United.
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love love love
Burning in my heart
Please, if you don't know Jesus Christ, listen to this song. He died for you just as much as he died for me, and he loves us both. If you are willing to open yourself up to God's sovereignty, I can promise you it is the one choice that you will never, ever regret. All of the pain, fear, and doubt you're holding onto will fade into darkness when you let go and fall into Christ.
I know this because I was there. I know what it's like to be terrified of the one thing everyone is saying is so good for you. But I let go, and I'm experiencing everything that was waiting for me for so long. I don't know a lot about this life but I know this much - this feeling of overwhelming love that I have right now makes every dark piece of my story worth it.
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