The truth is that, as much as my sweet and well-meaning friends try to convince me otherwise, I'm not strong enough to handle them on my own. This blog by itself has documented just where I ended up when I thought I could handle everything on my own.
In one of my weak moments, I asked Brennan if this was God testing me and he wrote back, "Medical problems are not necessarily of or not of God. They can be a product of our world. He just wants you to lean on him."
So that's what I've been trying to do. Resting when I can, and always reminding myself of the fact that He's got me taken care of, and I'm going to be okay because I'm in His hands. Because another truth is that while I'm not strong enough to deal with this, God totally is. And it's only through the strength He gives that I'll be able to survive the next few weeks.
Everyone has physical pain. No matter how bad it is, or how often you have to deal with it, every pain is a chance to trust in His power and healing. It's a chance to claim healing and strength over the body I have been gifted with. It's a chance to give it all to Him because this is what He's there for. He sent His son as a piece of Himself to take on all our troubles and pains and worries so that we don't have to deal with them anymore. Surrendering opens our eyes for us to see the magnitude of His strength and mercy. He is the ultimate healer, Jehovah Rapha, and He can handle everything we never could.
Isaiah 58:8 is one of the verses that Brennan sent me when I was in the hospital in April. It stuck out the most (of the verses he sent) to me then, and it's sticking out to me now.
"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."
I don't know about you, but that brings me a ridiculous amount of peace. One of Brennan's most frequent reminders to me is that He's got me. He's got me. I don't need to be afraid. He's got me. This is all in His hands.
Oh, you wanna know what verse 9 says? "Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say, 'Here am I.'"
Lord, right here, right now, I'm giving all of this over to You. I can only focus on doing what needs to be done to pass this program. Stress and fear and worry are not of You, so I'm ridding my spirit of them right now. I know You can heal me. This is Yours now. Thank You for always being there for me to fall back on, even when I was too scared to fall.
Praying for your health.
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