Reevaluating

I was literally just about to type the words "no one has contacted me in two days" when my phone buzzed and Ryann texted me. God has an awesome sense of humor.

I got my roommate assignments for this summer today.  That was exciting.  I've been emailing back and forth with one of the girls today, and she seems nice.  Things all of a sudden feel way more real (despite the fact that I still don't know where I'm interning).  Like, this is actually happening.  I mean, obviously I've been aware of that, but it's crazy to think it's so close and I'll really be living in DC by myself for eight weeks.

Thank you for no one saying anything negative about my post yesterday.  I mean, I've never received a negative comment before, but that is, for obvious reasons, pretty much the last subject I'd like to hear something negative on.  Surprisingly it got more page views than any of my other posts in the past couple of months, aside from the ones Taylor has retweeted.

You know, maybe it's a good thing my phone has been silent the past two days.  I've needed to do some reevaluating of some of the relationships in my life.  Maybe this was God's way of letting me take a step back.  It's not that there are friendships I'm thinking about ending, but I've needed to reconsider why I hold certain people so dear and if I'm letting those relationships get in the way of or take the place of my relationships with God.

Y'all know how much I love my friends; that's no question - I've said about seven thousand times on this blog just how amazing the people that have found their way into my life are.  I am so grateful for my friends, but I think my biggest issue as of late is that I was relying on them when I shouldn't have.  I was leaning on them, desperately grasping to feel love, when the only love I really need has been with me all along.  And when it comes down to it, these people will never be more important to me than God.  They shouldn't be.  They can't be.  Otherwise, I'll destroy all the work I've put into rebuilding my relationship with God the past few years.

And I think that because I wasn't putting my whole heart into my relationship with God, I wasn't able to be the right kind of friend, either.  I have been focusing too much on myself and how this life is affecting me instead of how I can affect this life.  This isn't about me; it never has been, and it never will be.  This is about God.  And I seriously need to reconfigure where I put friends (certain ones, to be specific) on the list of what's important.  God shouldn't just be #1.  God should be everything.

I guess realizing this is the first step to making it happen.