All I know is that you drove us off the road.

Taylor Swift's new album arrived in my mailbox today. I've been anxiously awaiting it since the day I pre-ordered it. Judge if you must, but I love Taylor Swift and I am not ashamed.

I put it in as soon as I got up to my room and immediately started jamming out like you do to T-Swift when she's gone full-blown pop star.

Now, I've got to give Ms. Swift credit. There's not a single song on 1989 that I don't really, really like. The number of albums about which I can say that is quite small.

But seriously, darn her for pulling back every feeling of my recent heartbreak and putting it to a tune I can't help but want to listen to over and over again, thus turning me into a teary masochist.

Of course, this whole situation is absolutely not helped by the fact that he texted me yet again today, this time telling me how much he misses me. I wanted to tell him exactly why I can't talk to him anymore, but I know that that would just suck me right back in like it always does. So I didn't. It took every ounce of self-control I have in me, but I didn't. So there's progress.

Will I ever be able to think of him and not ache to the very center of my being? Will I ever be able to see his phone number pop up on my screen and not have my heart feel like it plummets to my stomach? Will I ever not want to go back to the time when I believed he was good and I was right for loving him? I don't know. I hope so.

What I do know is that he broke us, he broke this, and I can't fool myself into continuing to pretend he is the person I thought he was. And this time, I'm not going to be crawling back to him begging for us to go back to the toxic cycle we spent years in. I have to deal with this pain in the hopes that it will one day ease, and thank God for the fact that I have people in my life who love me just as I am and want the best for me.

Taylor Swift "All You Had to Do was Stay"

People like you always want back
the love they gave away.
People like me want to believe you
when you say you've changed.
The more I think about it now,
the less I know.
All I know is that you drove us off the road.

Hey, all you had to do was stay.
Had me in the palm of your hand.
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out
when I let you in?
Hey, now you say you want it back
now that it's just too late.
Well, it could've been easy.
All you had to do was stay.

Here you are now, 
calling me up,
but I don't know what to say.
I've been picking up the pieces
of the mess you made.
People like you always want back 
the love they pushed aside,
but people like me are gone forever
when you say goodbye.

Hey, all you had to do was stay.
Had me in the palm of your hand.
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out
when I let you in?
Hey, now you say you want it back
now that it's just too late.
Well, it could've been easy.
All you had to do was stay.

Let me remind you...
This was what you wanted.
You ended it.
You were all I wanted,
but not like this...

Hey, all you had to do was stay.
Had me in the palm of your hand.
Then why'd you have to go and lock me out
when I let you in?
Hey, now you say you want it back
now that it's just too late.
Well, it could've been easy.
All you had to do was stay.

Seriously, I love Taylor Swift. 1989 is a great album, even if it does rip open some fresh scars.