It's made me think...(you just thought 'Oh, here we go.' didn't you?)
I am nineteen years old. I will be twenty in six months and three days. That seems mind-boggling by itself but you know what the truth is?
My life is never going to be easier than it is right now.
I have the entire world in front of me. There are possibilities in my future that I don't even know exist yet. I don't have anyone holding me down. The only real responsibility I have is to get myself to May 2014 and make sure I receive those diplomas with the best record I can manage behind me.
I don't have a family to take care of. In the monetary sense, at least.
I don't have bills to pay.
I can do anything I want.
So why is it so hard for me to stop focusing on the drama that, frankly, isn't going to matter in the slightest if I'm living in Europe in 5 years? Oh yeah. Because I get bogged down by those pesky little things called emotions. Things that keep me from focusing on taking care of ME. And then I forget how to protect myself.
This isn't meant to sound selfish. I think the past two and a half years on this blog show how deeply invested I can become in the people around me. The point is, I think I'm finally realizing what Matt means when he gives me his little "catchphrase" of sorts "You gotta do you!" The only one who has any control over my future is God, and my job is to work as hard as I can to do what he needs of me. Not taking care of myself, not protecting myself, not thinking about myself doesn't hurt anyone except myself.
That's not living the life He wants me to live, the life He has planned for me. I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if I'll meet my soulmate, have half a dozen kids and live my happily ever after dream come true, or if I'll stay single and be a world traveler and live out those dreams. But none of that will matter if I can't get myself to that point in a solid mental state because I won't be ready for it.
I can't live out what He wants for me if I a) am not in love with Him, b) do not love myself, and c) am not happy and at peace with what He's given me right here, right now. I have amazing friends who support me even when I'm annoying and even unbearable to myself. And I forget that as soon as I get upset, usually over something trivial. That's not doing justice to His grace.
My life is never going to be this easy ever again. It's long past time I learn to have a blast with it.
That's true about it never being easier than it is right now. The other day I was at a conference and I went to a seminar on "work/life balance" and we had to answer questions to figure out how much stress we had in our life. I almost felt badly because I was in the room with working parents who have kids and jobs and spouses and pets and mortgages and carpool and aging parents, and their stress numbers were SKY HIGH, and mine was zero.
ReplyDeleteI do have responsibility, just like you. But I make decent money, am ONLY supporting myself with that money, have a secure job, a paid off car, and essentially NO ONE ELSE TO WORRY ABOUT! It is quite a unique time in life, and you should enjoy it! Do what you want to do! Take advantage of it! You can never get it back! :)