I know I'm supposed to love Chelsea. I'm supposed to love her because You command me to, the way You love me even though I don't deserve it. But that's so much easier said than done.
I feel like I'm losing everything. I feel like my heart is being drained of every last ounce of love I once felt for her. I don't want to be this way. I'm better than this. This is not who I am, at least not with everyone else.
I can't change her. I don't know if she'll ever change. But I have to get control over what she does to me. It just gives her more power and makes me look and feel just as low as she is. She's the only person that can bring out this hateful, horrible side of me.
Sometimes, I question whether Blake is worth having her in my life. And that kills me. I love that little boy so much. But I can't stand being around her. Knowing she's here makes me dread coming home, even though home means I get to see my mom. I hate that, too. It's ruining my relationship with her because I know she's tired of hearing us fight. Being here makes me depressed. Listening to her insult me all the time makes me want to run away and never come back.
I don't wish ill will on her. I just honestly wish I never had to see her. Please give me strength. Please give me peace. Please help me to face her with the love that I can only learn from You. Most of all, please help me to feel like I love her again.
Please help me.
Kill her with kindness. Don't take it personal. People like that are so miserable with themselves their only pleasure is to put others down.
ReplyDeleteNot worth getting yourself all bent out of shape.
And remember when speaking of the bible...
It's all subject to interpretation and to be honest, love one another is huge and she clearly isn't holding up her end of the deal.
Smile. You are awesome. Know it.
ditto with what green girl said. you just gotta let it roll off your back. as hard as that is, you gotta do it. by letting her get you all worked up, you are letting her have control over you. just think when she is acting like that, she must be so miserible too. i wish i could give you some great words of wisdom but i can't. you just have to be the strong one. be the mature one, be the one who forgives and be the one who walks away. and hang in there mal.....
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