I hate hell weeks.

When Holly was a freshman in college, she started calling weeks when she had a bunch of tests right in a row "hell weeks."  I thought that was a weird phrase, and if I remember correctly, also thought she had to be exaggerating.  (Holly is more often than not a very dramatic person, especially when she's stressed or tired, so this was a plausible reaction.)

Heh.  Well, I like to imagine God was making a note of that in my life's book for a few years down the line when I became the college student.

Two tests last Thursday.
One test Monday.
One test that I was supposed to take Wednesday but ended up taking Thursday because I missed class.

I don't think I've slept through the night since about last Monday.  Not to mention that my migraines have been out of control (surprise, surprise), which made everything just that much more fun.

But hey, I survived.  It's Friday.  I can sleep in tomorrow.  And basically the only homework I have this weekend is a bunch of reading.  And that's about as low-stress as my homework list can get.  And I pretty much get a break on Sunday because I'll be going to Sunset Beach and back.  That'll probaby be an all-day deal.

So yes, in the end, I will publicly announce: Holly was right.  "Hell week" is an appropriate name.  And I am grateful that I do not have another one of those in the near future.

Friends

What do you do when two of your good friends were best friends and then suddenly had a falling out?

That's what Kyle said happened between him and Ryann.  I only found out because I texted him about the soccer game not knowing this was the case and mentioned Ryann.

Um yeah.  That was awkward.

And if something happened that could be considered "falling out" happened between those two, then it's bad.  I didn't think anything could end that.  I'm surprised Ryann didn't tell me, but I guess she just didn't want to talk about it.

I hate seeing my friends hurt.  And when it's two friends?  Agh.  I just don't know what to do.  Kyle said he didn't want to talk about it, so I just told him if he needed me I'm here.  I texted Ryann the same thing, that I wasn't going to pressure her to tell me, but that I was curious, and I'm here for her.  All of which is true.

But you want to know something?  I'm really curious!  Call me nosy, but I just can't help but wonder what could've ended that.  They were so close, people have thought they were dating.  And last I knew, they were...them.  So this is just weird.

I am nosy, but I'm mostly just concerned for both of them.  Because they're my friends, and that's how friends react. 

I just hope this doesn't end up with a "Mal in the middle" type situation. 

Because that?  Would suck.

Look what I found.

This was taped to an elevator button in the building where I have most of my classes.

No note, no signature, nothing.

And it just makes me smile.  I love going to a Christian university.

God's messages show up in mysterious ways. :)

It's not me.

If the reaction that I had to the song I posted yesterday was considered a pat on the cheek, today was like I had a wrestler pick me up, spin me around, and body slam me into the ground.

Today, I was standing in my History professor, Dr. Stanke's office talking with her.  We know each other well because I've had her three times now, so we were talking about some medical issues she's been having and she was asking me how I've been doing with these migraines, and other stuff, when she said something that still shocks me.

Mallory, the way you deal with stuff, it amazes me. You're inspirational.

I have never been so humbled in my entire life.

I also kind of feel like I've failed because the way she said that, and the things she said after that made me realize that she was giving me the credit.  And if there's anything that I've realized over the past 3 years, it's that I really have nothing to do with it.

It's not me. 

I'm not strong in the least.

I'm not special, or superior, or given a gift that means I can handle medical issues better than any other person.

When I was laying in that hospital bed after being told my shunt had a staph infection, and I had to make the decision of whether or not I was going to drop out of Campbell for the semester, I was broken.  I was screaming at God in my mind wondering why He was doing this to me.  I cried for probably the first 24 hours of that stay.  Straight.

When I was in the hospital barely breathing from the staph pneumonia, I was begging God to either stop the problems or just kill me because I couldn't handle it anymore.  If that's not weak, I don't know what is.

I did what I did because I had to.  I didn't have any other choice.  It was as if I was a guest at a party called My Life.

God is the only reason I came out of the past two years with my sanity still intact.  He used me and broke me so that it could be crystal clear just how obvious it is that I couldn't do it on my own.

The only inspirational thing about my story is the fact that God has used me to help others appreciate their lives more.  Me, some shy, lonely little girl in the middle of North Carolina.  He used me to help other people face life with a more positive view.  And I'll be honest, the first time I had a friend tell me that she appreciated her life and "how easy she had it", I was just as blown away as I am right now.  Like, really...he used me?  He picked me?

This is Him.

Every positive thing that has come out of my life and my story is Him.

It's not been my doing.  It never has been.  And it never will be.

I know that now. 

Apparently, though, I need to do a better job at making sure other people know that.

Hit Hard

Do you know how it feels when you find a song that hits you like a ton of bricks, a song that feels like God gave it to the songwriter just so you could hear it, and you're just so moved you can hardly think straight?

Yeah, this song does that to me.  (Thanks, Laura A. for sending it!)

Every time he goes, she dies

Every time she comes, she cries

He was her long, bright future
In the middle of a wrong, dark road
He loved her, but he wasn't too sure
If he could return the love she showed

When she said, my love extends
Beyond the realm of being friends
He kissed her head
And quietly he said

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully

Well, ten thousand tears passed by
But she never let him see her cry
And he called up down one night
He said, let's get in the car and just drive

He talked a lot about loneliness
But why, she didn't know
And some song about Memphis
Was playing on the radio

She said, let's stop the car and slow dance
Won't you just give me a chance?
He took her hand
And hoped she'd understand

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully

Well, she'll burn that bridge
And build a house
And swallow the smoke in her mouth
She'll feel the burn
And then make the choice
To put the fire in her voice

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully

This is who I am.  After all the times I've been hurt by guys who abused the fact that I loved them deeply (as a friend or otherwise), after 3 years of pretty much begging Matt to love me the way I love him, I'm finally realizing the truth:  Second to God, I have to love myself before anyone else.  I have to take care of me.  I can't rely on anyone else to give me the happiness that I can only find in my relationship with God.

Also, I can't change myself and think that some man will love me for it if he didn't love me to start with.  If you change yourself for someone, you'll only end up disappointed because that person will never be happy, no matter what changes you make.  There is a man out there who will love me exactly the way that I am!  Matt's told me I'm beautiful, he's just not attracted to me.  There is a man out there who will not just think I'm beautiful, but be madly in love with me.  God gave me the desire to be a wife and a mother, and He WILL fulfill those desires.  I just have to get it through my thick, stubborn head that I have to WAIT FOR IT.

Listen to the song! :)

Bad Mal.

I got nothing done today.

That's mostly because, despite all of my attempts, I have had a migraine every waking moment.

And my heart hurts from balancing grief and joy over Sara, so I don't even know if I'd be able to focus if I didn't have this headache.  Oh Sara...

It's a good thing I have an hour after History to study for my 11:00 test tomorrow.  Wish me luck!  I hope I do better on this one than the first one.

Rest in peace, sweet Sara.

You're finally free.

This is what I call a good Saturday.

Today has been so fantastic.  I absolutely love the fact that I now have some good girl friends to spend time with.  I think every girl needs that, no matter what age you are.  Plus, Morgan's and my personalities are very, very similar, so we just understand each other no matter what the subject.

Even though we've spent a lot of the day just studying, not really talking to each other, it's also just nice to have some company and to have the opportunity to get out of my tiny little dorm room.  Granted, I probably didn't get as much work done here as I would have in my room, but I got enough done.  And I still have all of tomorrow.  I needed a day like today.

We got back to her apartment after she picked me up at about 12:30.  We sat here talking for a bit, and she made me this AMAZING turkey and pesto pita bread thing.  It's so good, I'm still thinking about how good it was.  We sort of did work for a little while, but then she was having issues with the building's laundry, so we had to go get her more quarters for the washers.  We had to drive to two different gas stations before she had enough because the first lady wouldn't give her as many as she needed, even though she had the dollar bills for the exchange because it would "mess up her register" or something.  We worked all afternoon, and ate pizza for dinner, and now we're watching a movie.

Speaking of movie, The King's Speech? Totally, one hundred percent deserved every single award it won.  Albert just became King George VI, so the movie is probably only half over, and it's just so amazing I don't even have the words to describe it.  I'm so glad Redbox didn't have Bridesmaids.  :)

 After this movie is over, she's gonna take me back to my dorm and help me get an allergy cover put on my mattress, and then I'm gonna do my laundry.  I like to do my laundry late Saturday night because I don't have to fight people for the washers.

Yay good Saturday! Yay good friends! And yay Bertie (movie reference)! :)

Yay Friday.

Insomnia and migraines have wreaked havoc on my life this week, so I am more than happy that it is over.

And one of my tests got moved from Monday to Wednesday, so that lightens my weekend load a great deal.

I'm spending the day tomorrow at Morgan's studying just because we both want some company.  She has a bunch of tests this week, and I always have work to do, so as reward tomorrow night, we're ordering a pizza and watching Bridesmaids.  I've wanted to see that movie sicne it came out and have just never been able to.  So I'm doubly excited for the movie AND for some girl time with one of my best friends. :)

I went to another concert for my music class tonight.  It was good. 3 down, 7 to go.  I am so not gonna have to take this final! :)

Also, found out that my Aunt Dinah's surprise birthday party is next Sunday, and Holly has the day off so we're driving down to Sunset Beach and meeting Mom and Blake and a bunch of extended family down there for that.  I'm excited for that because I haven't seen everyone in quite a while because I wasn't able to go to my grandma's birthday party last year because I'd just gotten back to school after missing two weeks from the MRSA and foot surgery.  So hooray for family time!

All in all, a pleasing day, and I'm in a good mood.

Today, I'm proud of myself.

I slept like crap last night.  Today, I had a presentation and two tests.  You can just imagine how ill-prepared I felt considering I could hardly keep my eyes open.  On the upside, I didn't wake up with a migraine when I usually do when insomnia strikes, so there's the silver lining, I guess.

French Presentation:  Did about as well as I expected to.  I didn't have any grammatical errors, and was able to not look at my notes most of the time.  Dr. Steegar said he was pleased, so I'm happy.

Music Test: Piece of cake.  I kind of laughed when I saw it because Dr. P said that it was going to have more questions than the first test.  Not only did it not have more questions (both had 13), it more listening questions than the last one. 

State & Local Test: The whole darn cake!  50 multiple choice questions and...well, let's just say this: the class started at 2:00, I was gone by 2:10, and part of that time was spent passing out the tests and answer sheets.  :)

I may not be that great at extracurricular activities and sports and whatnot, but when it comes to school, I'm pretty awesome. 

And yes, I usually am much more humble than this. Ha!

Oh yes. Two deep posts back to back.

Yesterday, I wrote about fear, and my new release from it.

Today, I can't stop thinking about death. And Jesus.

One thing I don't think I'm scared of?  My own death.  That's probably because I've come so close to it so many times in the past few years that it's not such a strange subject anymore?  Plus, with my dad, I was introduced to death at a very early age.

What does scare me, though?  The deaths of people I love.  (Hello, irony. Nice to see you again.)

It's no secret that I am ridiculously protective of the people I care about.  I will do pretty much anything to defend anyone I consider a friend.  But the list of people that I would actually die for is very short.  Short as in, it pretty much consists of my family and Matt.  (Now, I'm finally getting to the part that inspired this post.)

One day this past summer, I don't remember when exactly, I was sitting on my bed with Matt having another one of my probably redundant conversations, but the one thing I really remember telling him is that I would die to protect any of my family or him.  His reply?

"I would never let that happen."

He made sure I got the point by saying he would never let me give up my life to save his.  He'd rather die himself than watch me die (which, yes, is essentially what I had just said to me).  He loves me that much.

Gee, sound like Anyone familiar?

I mean, it's obvious that I know that Jesus died for my sins, but tonight, for some reason, it's just hit me like a ton of bricks:  There was a man out there who loves me SO MUCH, that he died for me.  He made the ultimate sacrifice.  How could I ever feel unloved or unwanted when something like that happened?  I sure as heck didn't deserve something like that!  I could never deserve it.  And yet, He did it anyway.

You are loved.

I am loved.

We are loved by the King.

May we always remember.

Fear

You may or may not have heard of Angie Smith before.

If you have, you already know that she had a book come out on September 1st called "What Women Fear".

It is also known as "MALLORY READ THIS BOOK IMMEDIATELY."

Fear and I know each other well.  Fear has owned me for a long time.  So when I first heard the title of the book this spring, I knew I had to read it.

So far, I've only made it through Chapter 5 (darn you, college education), and so far the chapter that stood out to me the most was Chapter 2: Fear of Rejection, Abandonment, and Betrayal.  (Though side note, I imagine I'll really relate to Chapter 7: Fear of Not Being Significant, as well.)  I'd like to introduce you to my life story in one sentence:  I've been rejected, abandoned and betrayed so many times in my life that I am now terrified of it happening again with every single person I meet.

For twelve years of grade school, I was bullied pretty much every day.  I was the girl who didn't have anyone to eat lunch with.  I walked down the halls and listened to people scream what they were saying about me just so they could make sure I knew.  The popular girls would pretend to be my friends long enough for me to believe them and for them to find out a secret, just so the entire school could know it.  And this is something I have never told anyone except my mother until now: I exaggerated my seizure disorder in hopes that I would have to be taken out of school.  It didn't work, but I was that desperate.  I was that miserable.

I thought that once I got out of that school, out of that town, I wouldn't be the shell of myself anymore.  I wanted to believe that other people would be different, so I could be different.  Matt (my best friend) swore to me I'd find people who accepted me the way he did.  My mom promised me I'd make friends. 

And eventually, I did.  My mother talked to a colleague of hers, and that colleague told her niece to talk to me because we lived in the same dorm.  (Thanks, Mom. Everyone wants to have their mommy forcing people to be their friends.)  But thanks to six brain surgeries, I didn't have the energy to go out and meet people for the first semester that I was actually here (Spring '10).  By the Fall 2010, I did, though, even despite dealing with the MRSA and power chair, etc.  I joined a Bible Study led by that same girl whose aunt made her talk to me. 

But still.  The fear was there.  Every time I got close to someone, I heard the voices.  You better stop.  You're gonna get screwed.  They don't really care.  The memories of grade school haunted me every single time I felt myself beginning to trust someone.  So I'd retreat out of fear that pretty much consumed.  I'd basically end up sabotaging things so I could save myself from what I was sure was coming.

And since I'm being completely open and honest here, when I got into those places of being scared these new "friends" would hurt or leave me, I didn't talk to God nearly as much as I should have.  Those were also usually the times when the drama and craziness with my family would hit an annoying peak, so I really didn't trust them, either.  I didn't lay my worries at His feet like he asks me to.  I told myself that I couldn't trust anything or anyone, including myself, and especially God.

But starting today, I am officially done with that.  And I have Angie to thank for being the spark that ignited this change.  I will be the first to tell you that I love deeply, and I've finally realized that loving people as much as I do is a good thing, and it's not my fault if they misuse it.  And even more than that, when I get hurt, I have to rely on God.  He is the ONLY one that comfort me the way I need to be comforted.  Not Matt, not my mother, no one.

So thank you, Angie.

And thank you, God for giving me a million second chances.  I sure as heck need them.

I don't get it.

(in French class, talking about a text we read)

Dr. Steegar: Vrai ou faux: il faut beaucoup d'argent pour réussir un menu. (A lot of  money is necessary to succeed at putting together a menu (basically).)

Ryann: Faux, parce que le papier n'est pas cher. (False, because paper isn't expensive.)

*the class laughs*

Ryann:  What?...No seriously,  I don't get it.

Me:  Un menu is like..the food you eat, not the piece of paper.

Dr. Steegar: La carte is an actual piece-of-paper menu.

Ryann:  Oh...OH! Okay. Never mind.

I like when days fly by.

Because here I am, more than thirteen hours after I woke up today, and I can hardly remember what happened.

I remember classes.

And lunch. 

And talking to the professor who dealt with the guy who made me cry last Thursday.

And dinner with Elizabeth.  That was awesome.  She's so sweet.  Except for when I have to force her to let me buy her dinner on my meal plan because she's broke.  I said, "Child, you have to eat!" as I literally dragged her out of the booth.  So I won. :p

And yeah.

That's about all.

Good good day.

I like when days fly by because too much free time is boring.  And being bored....sucks.  I don't have time to think about what I'm doing, and therefore, I don't have time to think about how frustrating what I'm doing is.

This 18-hour work load really isn't as hard as I expected it to be.  I'm rather pleased.  Just ask me that again in six weeks when I'm working on a 20-page research report and a 7-9 page research paper.  Yeah, yeah, I know, take it one day a time, focus on the present, yada yada yada, I've heard it before. ;)

Really, though.  I like my classes.  I like all of my professors.  I'm not procrastinating (yet), so my stress level is minimal (for now).  Thus, I am good.

Do you know what today is?

Today, Sunday, September 18, 2011, marks the start of FALL TV PREMIERE WEEK!

Here's what I'm looking forward to:

Season 13: Hope Solo & Maks for the win!

Season 4: Castle & Beckett better finally get together!

Season 3: Need I say more? :)

Season 13: No more Elliott. :(

Season 8: Drama, drama, drama.

Season 5: Pete. can't. die. And more Benjamin Bratt, please!

What shows do you like to watch? 

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend! I sure did. :)

This weekend rocks.

I've already explained why yesterday rocks.

Today rocks because I got all but one homework item on my to-do list done.

And before 10:00!

All I have left to do tomorrow is my French presentation (because I am so done for the night).  And once that's done I will have completed all of my homework through Thursday!

And State beat South Alabama 35-13!  Which totally makes today awesome by itself.

I'm just in a really awesome mood this weekend. :)

Towson sucks.

Reasons I like today:

started my morning with a sweet text from a friend
9:00 class canceled
done with class at noon
was able to focus on work this afternoon
dinner with Amy
a break from work to go watch soccer (we lost in overtime but the whole team was amazing)
it finally feels like FALL!!!!

That soccer game was grueling, yet also very, very entertaining.  Apparently Towson had been talking crap about Gaylord (our mascot) (yes, that's his name) (I'm not kidding) all week, so he showed up with the Camel Crazies tonight and walked out on the field with the team at the start. (He's the mascot, he's allowed to.)  The Crazies brought a little stuffed tiger (the other team's mascot) and wrapped a neon orange dog leash around its neck.  For the entire first half, Gaylord walked around the stands dragging it around through the dirt, swinging it like a lasso, kicking it, punching it, letting other people kick and punch it, and wiping off wet bleachers with it. Even Especially in front of the Towson parents. :D

Speaking of Towson parents, I think it's ridiculous that these people drove 360 miles one way for a two-hour soccer game.  There were a LOT of them.  That's just a lot of wasted gas money!  But seriously, these people were rude and obnoxious.  So yes, I did get a good amount of enjoyment from a) Gaylord and the stuffed tiger and b) their faces when we forced it into overtime with four minutes left.

I've got a weekend of homework to do. Big surprise there, huh?

Not really, no.

Choosing Joy

There are several reasons I could be mad about how today has gone.  But instead, for Sara, I'm gonna be grateful.

Grateful that I know a God who wasn't surprised about anything that happened today.

Grateful that I have a best friend who will spend 40 minutes on the phone with me when he has practically zero free time just to cheer me up.

Grateful that I have a professor who's going to deal with the guy who went off on me for no reason today.

Grateful that I have a full class load of work at an amazing university to distract me when my heart is heavy.

Grateful that I have real friends. finally.

Grateful that I am secure in who I am. finally.

Grateful.

It's pretty simple.

For Sara

Today is why I am so grateful I was introduced to blogging.

Because if I hadn't been, I never would have met Sara.

Sara is a woman in Iowa with a chronic, terrible, painful disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis.  Sometime within the next few days, she will be going to be with the Lord for eternity.

I never thought my heart could hurt so badly over losing someone I have never actually been able to hug in person.  Sadly, I don't think I fully realized until today the profound impact she has had upon my life.

Living in unimaginable pain every single day, she never once got angry.  Unable to step outside the walls of her condo, never to feel the warmth of sunshine or fresh air, she never once questioned what God was doing with her life.  She lived in a perpetual state of "it's not about me, it's about Him".  She was grateful to be living her life simply because she knew that she was living the life God needed her to.

I am in awe of this woman, and of what God did through her.

Because of Sara, I learned how to face my own medical issues and trials with a smile and the grace that can only come from Him.

Because of Sara, I learned how to stop focusing on what I wanted.

Because of Sara, I gave up on what I thought my life was and is supposed to be like.

Because of Sara, I learned how to choose joy no matter what the situation was.

And I am just one of hundreds of people across the globe who has been impacted in a profound way by her.

The balance of being happy that she will no longer be in pain and that she will be with her father and her Father and being sad that she will be leaving behind so many people who can hardly imagine life without her is such a fine tightrope to walk.

But even though I didn't know Sara like some people in this blog world, I know without a doubt that she would not want us to think about how it hurts to miss her.  She'll want us to rejoice in knowing that she is HEALED and WHOLE and running free, praising endlessly the One who made her with her dad by her side.  So that's what I will do.  For her.

Dear God, Give Your precious daughter peace and comfort in this final stretch.  Wrap Your arms around her family, her friends, every blogger and reader who was lucky to get to know her, whether it was in person or through a computer.  Your plan is perfect.  You can and will heal our hearts.  We know that You will not stop giving solace to each of us.  Thank You for your everlasting love, and for the gift that You gave the world for 38 years through Sara Frankl.

I'd take headaches over stomachaches any day.

Because seriously, y'all, there is no feeling I hate worse than being nauseous and having an upset stomach.

It makes me all lightheaded and clammy and it's just terrible.

So needless to osay, I did not have a good day.  I barely ate all day, and that's when you REALLY know I don't feel well.  Normally, I love food.  Today, just thinking about it made me queasy.

I do feel a little better tonight, so I'm planning on going to class tomorrow.

I'm not gonna lie, though: it'd be really nice if my 9:00 professor was still sick. ;)

Not too shabby, eh?

Woke up at 7:30 this morning, like usual. 

Eat breakfast, yada yada yada, about 8:00 check my email and find my 9:00 class is canceled because my professor is sick.  Hooray! 

Back to sleep till 9:30.

Get up, get dressed, study for 11:00 exam.

Stress out about test.

Go to class and take test and find the only major problem is making sure I got the whole thing done in 50 minutes.

Lunch.

Study Abroad fair.  Find a really cool summer Paris program that I am VERY interested in if I don't get this DC internship.  Find out from my English professor/the Study Abroad head that 2:00 class is canceled because she's at the fair all day.

1:00 take a nap till 2:30.

Blah blah blah, nothing of importance.

5:00 - dinner

5:30 - Presidential Scholars meeting

6:00 - get sick from dinner

7:00 - shower

7:30 - find out I got a 100 on my Government essay when the class average was a 75 and I wasn't too proud of it!

8:00 - TV

And now it's just after 9:00 and I'm going to bed in hopes that I don't feel nauseous in the morning.  It really sucks that I no longer have a prescription of Phenergan.

2 out of 3 classes canceled + a 100 + idea for community service hours + no homework that HAD to be done tonight - getting sick = a pretty good day. :)

Sayonara!

9/11: Who do you call a hero?

Ten years.

In some ways, it seems like it happened yesterday.  We're still entangled in wars as a result of that day.  People still talk about it.  Osama bin Laden was just killed in May, and the wounds were ripped right back open for a lot of people.

And yet, it also seems like it was a lifetime ago.  Yes, I remember that day, but so much has happened both to me personally and to us all as a country in the past ten years that I don't exactly remember what it was like to be a 9-year-old.

What I do remember is watching the news in shock of what was happening.  Crying in sympathy as I watched families mourn the loss of their loved ones.  Crying in joy as I listened to the stories of survivors, and of people who should have been in the Twin Towers when they were hit but for various reasons weren't.

I remember seeing the same videos played over and over and over of the rescue attempts, and the pained faces as responders realized there were way more of them than there were people who needed their help.

Those memories still resonate with me today.  And the word that is at the forefront of my mind as I think back on that tragic September morning and the years that have passed since is heroes.

HEROES.

My heroes are the 411 emergency responders who lost their lives by climbing up into the burning Towers just for the chance of saving the innocent people trapped.  They gave up everything for people they didn't know, simply because they knew they were needed, and it was their duty.

My heroes are the men and women, both passengers and flight attendants, on United Airlines Flight 93 who fought back when they knew their lives were in the hands of evil.  They saved the lives of who knows how many other people by doing everything they could to make sure the hijackers didn't make it to their planned destination.

My heroes are the Federal Airline workers, like operator Lisa Jefferson, who tried to help the hijacked planes, prayed with passengers who called, and delivered messages to the families of the victims, among many other things.  Their calmness may have given a little bit of peace to the victims as they faced unimaginable harm.  They never quit, even as they listened to the planes crash and people die.

My heroes are the thousands of men and women in our military who have fought overseas in the past ten years to defend America against those who seek to destroy us.  They go into battle knowing they might not come out because they love this amazing country.  I am in awe of their selflessness and strength.

As much complaining as each of us may do about the actions of our government, I think on this anniversary, we all realize that we really do live in the best country in the world, a country full of strong, resilient, and brave people.  I wouldn't want to be from anywhere else.

...or not.

Pack, I'm both sad and proud.  Sad that you let us get down 27-6 and waited till halfway through the third quarter to start playing the game, but proud that you went from that pathetic score to ending the game at 34-27.  Big, big improvement, and much more respectable.  You better BRING IT next Saturday with South Alabama.

Though I have to say, yours wasn't the worst game of the day.  I watched the U of Florida/UAB game to support my friend Lauren, and those Florida Gators killed UAB 39-0.  So...not the worst, but still not great.

Oh, and Campbell beat Apprentice 76-0!

Also, I was totally planning on working on my massive homework list....yeah, that didn't really happen, either.  I got a little done, and did all of my laundry, but it was in general also a fail.  Oops! :)

Tomorrow: really doing work, and a 9/11 Memorial Service here at Campbell (which includes credit for my music class!).

GAME DAY!

GO PACK!

Go to hell, Carolina!
Devils and Deacs, stand in line!

We are the red and white from NC State!
GO STATE!

People get really into women's soccer here.

Y'all know me.

Y'all know how much I love soccer.

But seriously?  People at the soccer game tonight (which the Campbell ladies won 2-0, by the way! Yay Ryann!) were doing some angry screaming. A LOT of angry screaming.  And they were mostly adults.  I mean, I know parents like to support their kids and all, but man, I seriously thought a couple of the men were gonna beat the crap out of the ref.

And then there were the "Camel Crazies".  Which are basically a bunch of apparently BORED college guys who come to the games with face paint and crazy wigs and drums to beat on and they yell hilarious things and cheer and dance for the entire 90 minutes.  Only today, there were more of them.  Eleven guys came shirtless with "GO CAMPBELL!" painted out letter by letter on their chests.  And another guy came in nothing but a toga.  He was a guy who was in my Science lab last semester.  He said no one asked him to, he just felt like wearing a toga.  All righty then.

Also to be noted, Kyle's brother? Is just about as cute as Kyle is. Darn those good genes. ;)

Then I came home and watched a beautiful, heart-wrenching Dateline on 9/11..There will be more thoughts on that on Sunday. (Big shock there, huh.)

And now I don't know what I'll do. Part of me is hungry, part of me just wants to go to bed.

I'm thinking food, then sleep. I tend to wake up lightheaded if I don't eat before I go to bed.

I think I've heard every one of these.

Except the "feed the cat" thing, since we don't have a cat. Because I'm allergic to cats. So is my mom.  But if you replace "cat" with "dog" then yes, everything.

Just watch it.  You'll love it.



Lyrics:
Get up now, get up now, get up out of bed
Wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your sleepy head
Here's your clothes, and your shoes, hear the words I said
Get up now! Get up and make your bed

Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don't forget you got to feed the cat

Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it's the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today
Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon, so you must play

Don't shovel, chew slowly
But hurry, the bus is here
Be careful, come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?

Play outside, don't play rough, would you just play fair?
Be polite, make a friend, don't forget to share
Work it out, wait your turn, never take a dare
Get along, don't make me come down there

Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away
Make your bed, do it now, do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
Can you even hear a word I say?

Answer the phone, get off the phone
Don't sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up

Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You'll appreciate my wisdom someday when you're older and you're grown
Can't wait 'til you have a couple little children of your own!

You'll thank me for the counsel
I gave you so willingly
But right now I thank you
NOT to roll your eyes at me

Close your mouth when you chew would appreciate
Take a bite, maybe two of the stuff you hate
Use your fork, do not burp, or I'll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate

Get an A, get the door, don't get smart with me
Get a grip, get in here I'll count to 3
Get a job, get a life, get a PhD
Get a dose of...

I don't care who started it
You're grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven's sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?

If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before that
You're too old to act this way
It must be your father's DNA

Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about
Oh!

Brush your teeth, wash your face, get your PJs on
Get in bed, get a hug, say a prayer with Mom
Don't forget, I love you
**KISS**

And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends
You don't need the reason why
Because, because, because, because
I said so, I said so, I said so, I said so
I'm the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom
Tada!

Happy

Sometimes all you need is to have a night with a good girl friend who just gets it.

Tonight was that night for me.

I spent two and a half hours laughing, crying, eating brownies, painting a vase, blowing bubbles and rocking out to the Jonas Brothers like I'm 15.  And you know what?

It was a blast.

Exactly the pickup I needed after a horrendous week.

So tonight, I'm just happy. 

Happy that tonight was awesome.

Happy that I have a friend like Morgan.

Happy that I finally feel like I have people I can really just hang out with.

Happy.

Day off.

Though I much rather would've preferred to had a day on.

Horrendous migraine.

All day long.

It's gonna be interesting to see how I manage to sleep tonight.  Migraines like this usually leave me unable to do pretty much anything other than sleep, but I don't know if the fact that I slept all day will change that.  We'll see, I guess.

I suppose this day was gonna come sooner or later - no medicine is perfect.

The pain just sucks, that's all.

And that pretty much sums up my day.

Mal - 1, Procrastination - 0

I finished my essay at 8:25.

And I didn't even start on it till 4:30.

And I ate dinner, watched most of an episode of Glee (while eating dinner), went to a meeting, and took a shower in that four hours, too.

I'd call that a win!

Haha, seriously, though, I'm just lucky that I'm a good writer, so essays almost always come pretty easy for me.  Otherwise, I never would've managed to get that entire essay done today.  I didn't even get stressed out about it.  I kinda figured I could do it.  So extra win in that department. :)

Now, since I did my French homework in between Music and State & Local, I'm going to chill and rewatch an episode of TV from last night.  Sounds like a perfect time on a rainy night like this.  :)

(Note to self: BUY AN UMBRELLA!!! Next time you get caught in the rain without one, chances are it won't be the end of the day and it'll be much harder! BUY ONE PRONTO.)

Today got away from me.

How is it past 9:30 already?

Between packing and eating and driving and shopping and poster fixing and unpacking and dinner and laundry and dishes and.....

Wow.

And I still didn't get an ounce of work done on my English essay. 

Which means it's going to be all I focus on tomorrow after classes.

Thankfully, that should be all I have to do tomorrow evening.  And also thankfully, I'm a good writer, so once I get started, essays come fairly easy to me.  Plus I have a College Democrats meeting.

Sigh.  My head hurts.

But it was a great weekend.  And for that, I am thankful.

18 months

Sweet, precious Blake man is 18 months old today.

Tomorrow, he'll be closer to 2 than he is 1.  That's crazy.

I can hardly believe it.

Where did the past year and a half go?

It feels like he was born yesterday, yet it also feels like a lifetime ago. 

I know he's not my son, and I'm pulling out all the mom clichés, but I seriously can't remember what life was like before him.

It's wonderful.  :)

I love this kid more than words.  End of story.

Third Day in a Row

My mom has been so wonderful to me this weekend. 

I am so lucky to have her.

I know I've been raving about her for the past three days, but really.  I'm just so happy.

She spent an hour tonight doing our highlights because she promised me she would do it this weekend, after she spent 3 hours cooking lemon rosemary chicken and sides for dinner.

This weekend has been without fights, too.

Lord, help me to remember weekends like this when I get frustrated.

The shopping gods were with me.

Campbell has its 125th Anniversary Ball on October 21st.

My friend Morgan has been trying to convince me to go even though chances are I won't have a date and every girl I know will.  I kinda wanted to, but had no idea what I'd wear because it's "black tie preferred" attire.  I told her if I could figure out what to wear, I'd do it.

I've been talking to Mom about it all weekend.  The only formal gown I own is my old prom dress and she and I both thought it would look too juvenile/"prom"ish for an event like this.  I had said I just wasn't going to go but when my mother gets an idea in her head there's no stopping her.  She decided we were going to find me something to wear.  My apprehension about her spending even more money on me was overridden by her.

We went to JCPenney's and they didn't have a single gown in the entire store that wasn't made for someone Holly's size (which I will never be, even when I do manage to lose all the weight I need to lose).  We went back to Belk's, and scoured the racks for almost an hour.

And then, there it was.  The perfect dress.

I mean, it should have had a spotlight and angels singing "The Hallelujah Chorus" around it, it is that perfect.

It was black.  It was my size.  It looked formal.  And it was on a clearance rack. 

We went to the dressing room so I could try it on, and as Mom came in to zip it up, I think I held my breath praying it would work.

It fit perfectly.

It makes me look thinner.  It covers the unattractive rolls right at my armpits.  It's not tight anywhere.  And it was the only dress of that style in the entire store.  THE ONLY ONE.  It's like it was just sitting there screaming "BUY ME, MAL! BUY ME, MAL!" waiting for me.

God rocks.  And apparently He really wants me to go to this ball. :)

My mom rocks, too, in case that wasn't clear.

Crazy, but in a good way.

Home.

*sigh of relief*

Yeah, I came home.  I know I said I might not, but I needed a break.  Even if it means having to listen to Chelsea.  I get to see my mom, and Blake, and I get the heck off that campus for a few days.

I got a surprise when I got home today, too.  My mom was already home because her school's schedule was off this whole week thanks to Irene.  And then, she told me she was taking me out.  I had no idea why, but I certainly wasn't going to say no.  We spent 5 hours shopping at Belk (and eating dinner at a Japanese buffet).  My mom saw all the clearance signs and went figuratively insane.

I mentioned I could use some new black dress shoes because I wasn't really crazy about the one pair I have.  Oh, okay, let's see if we can find you some shoes.

I was talking about the concerts I have to go to at Campbell.  Well, let's buy you some nice things.

All I can say is thank heavens for clearance racks and my mother's love of sale shopping.  We spent about $110, you wanna know what I got?

7 tops (1 was for her)
1 dressy orange jacket
2 skirts
1 pair of cream dress shoes

Is my mom awesome, or is my mom awesome?  :)  I am happy.  And she is happy.  Now, I must crash.