Except the difference between this one and the other Anima videos I've posted about here is that the others really taught me something, but this one stuck out for me because it really hit home just how blessed I am to have so many people with whom I have a long-lasting, Biblical friendship. Friends who uphold and support me. Friends who love me when I'm crazy, and needy, and intense, and weird, and stupid, and really just hard to put up with. Friends who not only make me want to be a better friend but also to love God better every day and every time we get the chance to talk.
To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would still have the desire to love God and know God if it weren't for these friends. I'm not sure I would have been strong enough to continue to believe in God's promises if it weren't for the people who refused to let me retreat and hide and crumble in fear. With everything that has happened just since last September when the seizures came back, I've had plenty of reasons to wonder what exactly God is doing and why He's been allowing me to walk this path. If I didn't have the friendships that I do, friendships that surpass time and distance, that doubt probably would have easily taken over my life, but because of these friends pointing me back to God when I'm at my lowest and angriest, I'm still here. And I'm still focused on my King.
These aren't just the kind of friends I longed for growing up. They're so much better. These are the friends I don't have to worry about being real friends, or worry about leaving, or worry about not being good enough for. They are the friends who don't just love me, they show me the Love that is so much greater. They are the friends who see me the way God sees me when I can't see it myself. They are such a sweet picture of Jesus for me, but humble enough to reiterate that any good I see in them only comes from Him.
I suck at being a friend sometimes. I know I do. But these friends, they know that I love them even when I mess everything up. That's when I see God the most clearly in them. I remember the first time Ryann forgave me for doing something stupid; I was absolutely baffled that she didn't just leave. And my intensity, the same intensity that I've been told way too many times is the reason people leave me? These people see past it and count it as a blessing that I love them that much. They know me. Past my nervousness and people-pleasing nature, they know me. Beneath the intensity and lack of a filter, they know me. And they still love me. I know I'm safe with them.
And all of that, that can only point me back to God. Because gosh knows, I kind of suck at loving Him way more than I suck at being a friend.
Truth is, I don't really know how you "create" long-lasting, Biblical friendships. I'm still not sure how these friendships happened. They just did. And I don't know where I'd be without these friends whom I know have my back no matter what.
Soli Gloria Deo.
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