except you can't do it until the next day...
and you don't want to think about it because all that does is make you more nervous...
but all you can do IS think about it...
no matter how hard you try to think about anything else...
your mind just keeps going back to that same thing...
and running through all the different possibilities of how it could play out...
and you're walking that balance of "hoping for the best, preparing for the worst"...
but you really, really don't want it to be the worst because that would crush you...
so you'd settle for a happy medium between best and worst as long as it doesn't make you cry...
because this is really important...
but you know you're not promised a good ending...
because you've thought you had a good ending before and that went horribly wrong...
so you just sit there praying, "God, please, let this work out okay"...
trying not to be too dramatic because it's not the be-all-end-all...
but knowing how much of your heart is invested in it...
you just want it to be over with already just so you can get rid of the feeling you have right now?
Yep, that's me tonight.
More to come tomorrow. Promise.
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