For Me

I feel like my blogging has gone completely off track.

It seems like every post is the same old random, stream of consciousness type of thing with no real purpose or reasoning behind it other than I like to write and I like this blog and I don't want to stop posting on it.

I guess I just wish I had something more important to say.  A lot of times, I catch myself thinking that this is pointless because no one comments and very few people follow my blog anyway and I get jealous of people who rarely ever post yet somehow have hundreds of people following them.  So why do I even bother?  Plus I get freaked out thinking that my openness is what is turning people off - that I share too much.  Again, if no one's commenting, if no one's interested, why do I bother?

I mean, I'm not a mom.  So I don't have constant pictures of cute kids and funny kid stories to tell, or an easy way to connect with mom bloggers, which feel like the vast majority of bloggers out there.

I'm not crafty.  I don't do home decor, I can't draw at all, I can't make up awesome projects and give homemade things as gifts.

I'm not fashionable.  I can't tell you about the latest trends, or show off my latest find or cute outfit or give you fashion advice.  Let's face it - I hate shopping and 99% of the time my mom does it for me.

I'm not hilarious.  I can't write a post about a mundane day or activity and have you crying from laughing so hard.  Which is why I feel like these posts of randomness are boring and that's why no one comments.

I'm not a religious/Christianity expert.  I do often share my heart about my faith, or at least I did.  Lately it seems like I just don't have anything new to say and I don't want to repeat the same things over and over, and who would care about my opinion on God anyway?

But then I remember why I started this blog in the first place.  It was something for me.  It was a place where I could say everything that I thought I wasn't allowed to by the people in my life.  It was a place to vent.  It was a place to record memories.  It has a record of the best days of my life and posts where I wrestle with God on some of the worst days.

I didn't start this blog because I wanted to be internet famous.  I did this because I like to write and because I wanted a place that could call my own.  I never intended to use this to network, though I wouldn't trade the friendships I've made through this site for anything.  I did this for me, because I needed a release.  And thinking about some of the most vulnerable posts, the posts where I examine my faith the most reminds me that I have been told time and time again by friends of mine that reading my words has helped them in ways I never imagined when I wrote those posts.  Saying what I thought I needed to say to get it off my chest has changed people for the better.

So isn't that enough?  It doesn't always feel like it, but it should be.  God is using this blog and my words even when I don't realize it or don't think it's possible.  That has nothing to do with anything I've said, it's all Him.  So I'm going to keep blogging for me and saying what I want or need to say and, in the meantime, hold on to Ephesians 3:20.  God can do so much more than I could ever imagine.  Who knows what He could have in store for me and how I need to use this blog?  I'm just going to follow my heart and use this blog for me and let Him take it from there.