My pain continues to get worse, but more than that, I have been so burdened for my friends and the pains they face. So many people I know are facing their own hurts and pains and stresses and fears and it makes me forget about me.
This world is hard. We are told it's going to be that way with verses like John 16:33. I think it's the struggle to find hope in a broken world that draws us closer to Christ when everything else fails.
To me, this is why community is so important. Because each of us reaches the point where we just need to hear a voice on the end of the line, an obvious and undeniable reminder that we are not alone and someone else is there. You don't have to know what to say, just listening can sometimes dry tears. I've been on both ends of that. And as much as I well know that God is enough, there's something very special about having a friend who is there.
And right now, I don't know what to say to the people in my life that I see hurting. I try to say something even though I know my words will forever be inadequate because I feel like the silence is breaking my heart as much as it is breaking theirs. But it doesn't do much because in the end, I'm as human as they are and I can't fix their hurts anymore than any of the people who love me can heal my physical pain. Wanting something to be so only goes so far when you're human and you're ultimately incapable.
So I go to the one thing that is always reliable, the one thing that I know is the best thing I can do for the people that I love: prayer. I take them straight to the Father, the One filled with love to depths that I can't begin to comprehend. He loves my friends immeasurably more than I am capable of loving them, and He's the only one that can truly comfort them the way they need to be. But what about the ones who don't know Him? What about my best friend, who thinks God and religion in general is a waste of time? What about my mom, who has had her heart broken time and time again by this world and did the same thing I did by putting the blame on God? What about my friends who label themselves Christian but who only seem to be one on Facebook? How is He going to reach them? How can I show them Him?
The idea of these people that I love not spending eternity with Jesus scares me, but I keep remembering something Brennan told me very early on in our friendship. "Mallory!" He practically had to yell to get my attention. "It's not your duty to fight for their salvation." Convincing this control freak that I can't save them was a hard lesson to learn, but one I needed because it's true - it's not my job. I can't save them. All I can do is pray. All I can do is pray that He can break down the walls and transform their lives the way He did for me.
So that's what I'm doing tonight, praying for the people I love to be drawn closer to Christ. Not just the ones who are going through stuff right now, but all of them. I pray they realize how desperately we all need Him before it's too late. Because I know where I'm going in the end, and I want the same for them.
This is one of the songs I've labeled "Sanctuary songs", meaning I heard them for the first time at Sanctuary. The lyrics remind me of Caitie always being so faithful to remind me that my pain won't last forever. I know I've posted it before, but I need it tonight, and maybe one of you does, too. I'm crying it out tonight not just for me, but for all the hurting people I know.
On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fear is swept away
In the light of Your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free
Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence, healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering, You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding, You hold me now
You hold me now
In this life, I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your name
I'm believing for the day
When the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to You alone
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering, You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding, You hold me now
You hold me now
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering, You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding, You hold me now
You hold me now
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering, You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding, You hold me now
You hold me now
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering, You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding, You hold me now
You hold me now
I pray that each of us can rest secure in the knowledge that He holds us, right now and always. There's a greater day waiting for all of us, and the best part is that we don't have to do anything to get there except believe.
Add this to the list of things I know to be true about God: He is enough. His grace is sufficient. And He never quits holding on to us.
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