Make me better.

I had my first test in French Conversation/Composition today.  It was not fun.  Not fun at all.

However, it didn't suck nearly as bad as the French Lit test next week will.

Of course, the fact that I didn't remember that we had a test until about 7:30 last night didn't exactly help, but hey, at least I felt prepared, right?

I thought the test was going to be easy because Dr. Steegar said there were only five sections, four of which were basically conjugating verbs, plus a composition.  So I thought it'd be done in no time. 

Heh.  I imagine God laughed as soon as I thought that.

When Dr. Steegar explained the directions for each section, he said he wanted a "detailed, full-page, well thought-out writing."

I wrote three pages, front-back-front.  So I didn't get out of there till ten minutes before the period ended.  Dr. Steegar loves to crack jokes about how wordy I am and how "I don't need to write him a book."  It's a good thing I like that man, and I know he likes me, too.  He makes fun of the ones he likes.

But the truth is, I don't really care about any of what I just said in the least

I care about the fact that my friend Lauren's stepdad, a good, loving, kind, Godly man, just passed away from a brutal, extremely rapid fight with a rare form of brain cancer.

I care about the fact that my friend Morgan's mom just had spine surgery.

I care about the fact that Ryann is so stressed out she's been sick for weeks and doesn't have time to go to the doctor because her soccer coach has claimed every spare second of her life IN THE OFF SEASON.

I care about the fact that in one week, Mom will find out what these biopsies say.  I've never been good at waiting, and I know it's driving her insane, even if she doesn't want to admit it.  But God willing, we will finally have some answers.  Please, God, please just give her some answers. 

I've been thinking about my conversation with Gabe last night basically since I walked out of Chick-Fil-A.  Lasst night when I was talking to him, I was so caught up in "why my family?" and "why do all these things keep happening to our family?"  Gabe said he didn't know what to tell me because he has had an "easy life" and as much as I like that kid, I was angry and jealous in the moment.

But today I realized that it's not just us.  Everyone has problems.  Everyone loses family members. I JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.  I don't know people's stories, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.  I can't hate people like Gabe just because he has a good life at home, or whatever.  That kid is one of the most caring and attentive college-aged guys I have ever met.  Gosh, I have been so self-centered!!  I seriously needed this wake-up call.

God, please help me to be more selfless tomorrow.  Help me make it not about me.  Help me help others however they need me.  Help me to stop worrying about me.

Make me more like You.  Make me better.