My life's motto? Maybe.

Or something like that, anyway.

As Ryann and I were leaving French this morning, she asked me where I was off to.  I told her I had a Psychology test at 10, so I was going to review before it.  I said, "That should be interesting since I slept like crap last night."  She asked me why and I told her it was because my head hurt and I've been having referred pain in my shoulder from my lungs.  I then had to explain to her what pleurisy is (inflammation of the lining of your lungs, in case you don't know) and she sighed and said, "Geez, Mal.  I don't know how you do it."  I then responded with something I've found myself saying a LOT over the past few years.

"You don't know what you can do until you have to."

And really, it's so true.  Ryann agreed with me.  Everyone has times in their life where they somehow manage to power through stuff even though they have NO idea how they found the energy and strength to keep from collapsing.  They keep going even when they know everyone would totally understand if they quit. 

I don't manage to stay in school because I'm superhuman, or special.  I do what I do because, in my mind, I don't have any other choice.  My education and my plans for the future are incredibly important to me, and God knows this.  God saw when I fought through all those surgeries to come back to Campbell, so He knows what I'm willing to do.  God knows my heart better than I do; He knows my capabilities even when I'm second-guessing myself.  He, and He alone, gives me the strength to "suck it up" and go to class when my body wants to just stay in bed and cry from pain.  I'm not strong, He is.

And this doesn't just apply to me, you know.  I can guarantee you've been in my position before, albeit under different circumstances.  I think it's part of human nature to lose faith in yourself.  I frequently wish I had as much faith in me as everyone else seems to.  But that's OKAY.  I think the point when you feel like you're breaking is when you're most likely to accept that you aren't in control and that God is.

I'm not saying you should only remember to rely on God when things get tough, not at all.  What I'm saying is that remembering He's in control during the bad times will help get you back to the good times.  It's easy to think of your blessings when nothing's wrong, isn't it?  The key is to not lose sight of God in the darkness, to keep in mind that He is there with you.  I fought with this issue throughout all the brain surgeries and hospital stays.  I had a really hard time reconciling the idea that a God that loved me was also a God that would "let me go through that". (I see it differently now, but that's how my mind was seeing it then.)

And who knows - maybe the reason I had six surgeries is because He wanted me to get the lesson behind it all.  I've always been stubborn. ;)

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired, so the point I'm trying to get to is this:  If you put your trust in God and His unending love and care, He will get you through you never imagined you could do.

He's a bit of a show-off.  You know, Ephesians 3:20 and all that. ;)