Oh my, today was rough.

Well, rough may not be the right word. Mostly just exhausting, but I can blame the Hydrocodone for that.

Since I have physical aquatic therapy every Tuesday and Thursday morning, my mom and just decided that I'd go to school for half a day today, and then a full day tomorrow. You'd think it being a half-day for me would make things easier, right? Wrong. I woke up at 8 in terrible pain, but I decided I was just gonna push on anyway. Well, I took Ibuprofen when I woke up, and then a Hydrocodone at 9, not long before my grandma was to come and get me. Normally, painkillers don't have a strong drowsiness effect on me, but I was half asleep the entire ride there, trying to but failing at waking myself up enough for the exercises I knew I was gonna have to do. Strangely enough, I woke up as soon as I got in the pool. I love going to physical therapy. My therapist is amazing, and the other patients that are always there with me are really nice, too. My grandma and I left about 11 and went to go get some lunch before heading to school.

Well, I get to school in the middle of the lunch period I normally have, and so I go to the library. Apparently I have a fine that if I don't pay soon, I'll get in trouble for. Definitely did not know that. I also found out that I am no longer in the library for Pirate Academy (explanation on what that is later), when I was there in the first six weeks. Then the bell rings signaling the end of that lunch, so I go to my English class. First thing I find out is that we're having two quizzes today on Acts 4 and 5 of Macbeth. I thought I'd be good, because my mom really helped me understand it while we read. Those quizzes were so hard, I felt like I hadn't read the play at all. I got a 84 on Act 4 and a 79 on Act 5. EEEK. Then I found out I got an 85 for the second six-weeks grading period. Ouch. I mean, it is still a B, but it's the lowest B possible, and NOTHING like my typical grades. My head started pounding at that point. No fun. No fun at all. Thankfully the rest of the period flew by.

So then it was Pirate Academy. Pirate Academy is this half hour between 3rd and 4th period on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday (regular homeroom on Wednesday) where kids can get tutoring if they need it, or they can do different activities around the school, like study hall, reading time, board games, walking on the track, etc. I went up to the office and explain my situation and need to talk to Mr. Bailey, one of the Assistant Principals who also organizes all the Pirate Academy. Well, since I was out for seven weeks, I wasn't in homeroom, and so I didn't get the form to pick my new Pirate Academy for the new grading period. And so they forgot to assign me one. Mr. Bailey wanted to just stick me in a Study Hall that is all the way across the campus from my 3rd and 4th periods. I explained to him that that would kill my back and hips, and then he started getting irritated and said, "I'll see what I can do. Come back tomorrow." God forbid I ask him to work around my physical problems. So I sat there in the office for half an hour because they had nowhere to send me. I have a gut feeling that I'll be doing that tomorrow, too. While I'm there I found out that the office had work from my AP US History teacher sitting there, and it had apparently been there for a while. No wonder I hadn't been getting anything from her. Stupid office people. Either someone in my family or I have been to the school several times in the past two weeks. Now I've got a ton to make up there.

Then I get to fourth period. My teacher refuses to give me any more work because the other French 4 student isn't where I am. So I sat there bored for 90 minutes. That's a stupid rule, don't ya think? I work 5 times faster than this kid. Then at the end of the class, we got to look at our grades for the second grading period, and I have a 94. All I can think is "no way!" so I look at the list of grades and assignments and find out that my teacher switched my and the other student, Jacob's Chapter 11 test grades. I got a 100. He got an 87. He gave me the 87 and Jacob the 100. He tells me that he can switch it in the gradebook but he's "not sure" if he is allowed to switch it for the report card. OF FREAKIN COURSE. So he switches the grades in the gradebook, and my actual grade is a 98 and Jacob's went from a 97 to a 93. I am going to be seriously mad if I don't get my hard-earned 98 on my report card, because that means I won't get the full 5.0 credit points to factor into my GPA.

So frankly, today sucked. And I'm exhausted. But I can't take a nap because I actually have to get up at 5:30 in the morning, and if I sleep now, I won't sleep tonight.

*bangs head on desk*

Big mistake. Big, BIG mistake.

Why, oh why did I overwork myself at physical therapy so badly that I now have searing pain in my left shoulder and knee??? But it sort of makes sense, because I have such bad nerve damage down the right side of my body that, whenever I work out or do any physical exercise, my left side always ends up working much much harder than my right.

Still stressed about school. Thursday afternoon is going to come all too quickly, and there's no way I'm going to get all my work done.

Four AP exams next week. One Tuesday afternoon, one Thursday morning, and two on Friday. I'm pretty sure those are going to kill me.

Oh, and an update on my nose: massive infection. Big shock. So now I get to shoot antibiotic water up my nose twice a day that burns and makes me choke. So fun! The good news is that my sinuses are healing amazingly well, the only infection is right inside my left nostril, which explained the pain all over my face, apparently (I don't really get that part). At least there's not problems with my sinuses healing. I need to be grateful for that. It's just hard to be chipper because I was not in this much pain three weeks out last time as I am now.

Okay, so English has never been my best subject. I mean, I do well in all subjects, and I'm fantastic with grammar and stuff, but I'm still not great with analyzing literature. Well, one of my assignments while I've been out from my AP English teacher is to read Macbeth by William Shakespeare. Lucky lucky me, I have an English teacher for a mother who loves nothing more in the literature world than Shakespeare. She's been reading it with me from this teacher's copy she has of it that has all this extra info, and explaining all the language all the way. I LOVE THIS PLAY! And the interesting thing is that I really don't think I'd like it as much if I didn't have my mom to explain everything. I mean, I love my English teacher, but she's been teaching AP classes for so long that she kind of expects us to get everything right away. So yay me! Haha.

Okay, that's all I've got for tonight. Even though this Hydrocodone isn't taking care of the pain, it is making me sleepy, so....goodnight.

Somethin' ain't right.

I still have that nasty infection spot in my nose, even after medicating it.

The pain is getting worse instead of better.

The painkillers are beginning to help less and less.

My entire face is hurting, all the way down to my teeth.

Somethin' really ain't right.

So it's back to the doctor for me.

This really sucks.

Late night stress.

Just when I think things are dull, God throws me another curveball. Yay for life, huh?

So, I just got telling you how crazy my sister Chelsea is. Well, I thought my other sister, Holly, was the sensible one. Guess what news she dropped on my mom this evening? She's dropping out of college. Not because she's pregnant or anything, simply because she's lazy and is spending all of her time getting drunk as opposed to, you know, going to class. Her feelings - "I'm only 21 once, I might as well enjoy it." PLEASE. This girl has had everything handed to her on a silver platter, and she throws it away. Well, FINALLY my mom isn't just sitting back and treating her like a princess. She's cutting off financial support and her phone. This just infuriates me. She expects everyone to treat her like an adult, but she constantly acts like a clueless child. And now my mom feels like she's the world's biggest screw up as a parent because she has two kids who are now doing nothing with their lives. She lied to my mom about needing money to register for classes for next year. She claims she's just taking next semester off, but she already destroyed last semester, and apparently hasn't gone to classes in weeks this semester, which means she wasted $30,000 that Uncle Ed and Aunt Dina were so generous enough to give to her so that she could make something of herself. She doesn't even have a job! Plus, quitting school means she loses her health benefits through my mom's insurance, and the girl has moles that could be skin cancer! She doesn't think about anything. God, I'm four and a half years younger than she is, and I can even figure this stuff out when she can't. ARGH.

Why can't I trust or be close to my sisters? This just sucks.

Okay sorry, I just had to vent.

-----

In other news, I now have a nasty infection spot right inside my nose. It hurts really, really bad. I went to the doctor again today to get the stints that are way up in my sinuses removed. Get this: I waited 45 minutes past my appointment time, spent 10 minutes waiting for the doctor to come in the room, spent 10 minutes with lidocaine strips shoved so far up my nose that the medicine was running down my throat, and then the doctor told me that the stints are absorbed and he can't do anything.

And then, I get home and see the infection. Of course, the doctor couldn't have said anything about it when he looked in my nose, so that I could get some medicine for it. Just my luck.

-----

Sometimes I wonder if my mom is more excited about me going to college than I am. She's spent days planning my graduation/birthday party, and what the invitations are gonna look like, and asking me all sorts of questions about what I want my room to look like.

Frankly, I'm happy I'm getting a private room in college. I'll be able to have a double bed, which will be more comfortable and better for my back. Plus, the dorm I'm staying in has one bathroom for every two rooms, so I'll only have to share a bathroom with two people. And the dorm is close to the building I'll be spending most of my time in, which is even better. Ah, I'm excited. =)

June is gonna be a busy month. Graduation, graduation/birthday party, birthday, and orientation.

It seems odd that I'm so excited to get out of a small town only to move to a smaller town, but it's just good to change. And you have no idea how badly I want to leave this town.

-----

Please pray for this family. Linn and her husband Dwight have three biological and six adopted kids. They lost their house to a fire back in January, they're working to bring another daughter home from China, and they just found out their daughter Autumn has a brain tumor. They could use all the prayers they can get.

P.S. I'm so glad Stellan is doing well!

Great day =)

So, yesterday about 3 in the afternoon, I called my Uncle Ed to tell him about my plans for college. (I'm going to Campbell University here in North Carolina.) I also told him about my scholarship. Uncle Ed is on a bunch of executive boards at Campbell, so I asked him when he'd be available to meet us there to show me around the campus. Well, as it turns out, he was goiung there today. He called a friend of his named Dr. Britt who was going to be at the meeting he was going to to see if he could bring me to introduce me to the executive board of the university. (And the entire time I'm just thinking, Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God.) That was against protocol, which was cool with me, but then we got a call from the assistant vice president of admissions. He asked me what time we were planning on getting there today, and I said 10:30, so he said he would call us back. The man set us up on a private tour with a golf cart to drive us around the campus all day because we told them I was still a bit under the weather from my surgery. Then, we talked to my uncle again and he told us we could have lunch with him after his meeting. Everything just sort of fell together.

This morning we went to Hardee's to get breakfast, and to get my mom an oil change, and then we drove. I graded a bunch of papers for my mom on the way there. Nice way to exhaust me first thing in the morning, don't ya think? =) We actually ended up getting there 30 minutes early, which was really surprising since we left about 30 minutes later than we originally wanted. So we went to the bookstore and got me a bunch of Campbell Camel gear, and some stuff for my mom and grandma, too. It just works perfectly that their colors are orange and white. Orange has been my favorite color since I was three, and my current bedroom walls are orange and white.

We went back to the admissions building, and met Mari, the senior who was going to give us the tour. She was so awesome!! She was friendly and funny and knowledgable and gave me great advice. We rode around campus, and she told me what buildings housed what classes, and what each girl dorm was like. She took me in a business building so I could peek in some windows to see what classrooms looked like. I also got to see the Convocation Center/Arena that's named for my deceased second cousin, Uncle Ed's son. That took a little over an hour. Then, she took me to D. Rich Hall, which is apparently where I'll be spending like 90% of my time for my major (International Studies). The head of the International Studies department had called my mom a few weeks back, but she was driving so she couldn't write down a name. So she looked at a list and she said "I think it's Thornton." A student walked in the room where we found the list and some pamphlets, and he gave us directions up to Dr. Thornton's office. Well, like two minutes after we got up there, Dr. Thornton walked up! We spent like half an hour talking to him about what the major's like, what classes I'll have to take, stuff like that. Two nifty things I found out: he was a French minor in college, too (what I want to have as my minor) AND he's even going to be my advisor in the fall! It was just far too perfect.

Well, while we were talking to Dr. Thornton, this lady shows up at the door and tells us that she's our "chariot driver" to take us to have lunch with Uncle Ed. Okay, imagine riding down the highway at about 20 mph in a bright orange and black stretch golf cart. It was crazy. So we get to the field house next to the football field and walk into a room of 50 old men in suits. I see my uncle and go over to him. Guess who the first person he introduces me to is? The President of the university. How insane is that?! I'm not even a student there yet, and I'm already having lunch with the university president! They loved me. =) I'm totally not trying to brag, but when you have the president of the university, three guys on the executive board, and the assistant vice president of admissions telling you they really really want you and you're amazing and exceptional, it kinda makes you feel good.

So after lunch (really really good barbecue sandwiches and fruit), we went back to the admissions building, turned in the necessary housing and scholarship forms I had brought with me, and Uncle Ed paid my enrollment deposit, and we informed them of the necessary accomodations I'll need for my dorm room. Then, by that point I was just really really tired, and we realized there wasn't anything else we could think of to do, so we headed home.

It was a totally awesome day. =) I'm completely in love with the campus, and I so can't wait to move there in August. It was nice to finally have something go so well in my life. =)

Resentment

I have kind of a different subject on my mind and heart today. I tried writing it last night, but my fingers just would not move, and I was far too tired to try and force it out like I am known to do sometimes. Forgive me if this is a bit jumbled; sometimes my thoughts pour out randomly, and it is my habit to just write them down as they come....

To understand the subject of this post, I need to give you a little background info. I've already talked about my father passing away almost ten years ago. After he died, the relationship that I had with pretty much everyone on his side of the family except for his mom changed. And I mean really changed. My grandfather became absolutely vicious towards my mother. My uncles and cousins spent absolutely no time speaking to us. In fact, the only person who still treated us like family was my grandmother, but even she keeps pressing us to try and talk to and have a relatioship with him, which makes things a little awkward between my family and her at times.

My dad wrote both of my sisters and me a personal letter before he died. My grandfather thought he had some claim to them, so he sent us xerox copies. He sent us the actual letters five years later, and he couldn't figure out why we were just falling at his feet in gratitude. Also, my dad worked at UPS, and after his death, his coworkers raised about $1500 for our family. My grandfather got it and promised them that he would deliver it to us. He never did. In fact, we didn't even know the money existed for a few years.

Which brings me to the subject of my blog: resentment. I have so much anger and frustration built up inside me from over the years from the torture that man has thrust upon my family. Listening to my mother, who has done everything humanly possible to give my sisters and I the best life we could get, get screamed at that she was a horrible person who didn't deserve to be a parent broke my heart. He kept the money, expecting us to come crawling to him begging for it when it came time to deal with college. Now, maybe it's just a great deal of pride, but we all swore to ourselves that we'd be living in a cardboard box before we went to him begging for anything. It just hurts me, though, because I don't want to have so much hatred for him. He's my grandfather; I'm supposed to love and adore him, and he me. But how could he be so heartless to his own grandchildren? Half the time he doesn't even remember our birthdays. It used to upset us, and now we just don't even expect to get a simple card from him. But it's just like....I don't want to be so angry. I want to be able to forgive him for everything he's done, but I just don't feel like I have that power. There's just too much hurt there. I can't be friendly with someone who would hurt my mom the way he has. And the heartless things his wife (his fourth wife, I might add) did even before my dad died are just kind of like icing on the anger cake. Like smoking in the car with the windows rolled up when we told her repeatedly that I have horrible asthma. What an angel, huh?

Since 2000, I've seen him three times. And when I have, it's like there's no love there. There's no compassion in his eyes when he forces himself to hug me. A small part of me misses him, but there's that overpowering voice in my head that screams that I just can't forgive him for all the pain he's caused. Not yet, anyway.

He's not even the only one who causes this feeling in me. There's someone much closer to me who's actually caused more problems and pain than he has. My sister, Chelsea. Since I don't really remember anything from before my dad died, all the memories I have involving my sister are of her being violent, self-centered, and cruel, but my mom has said many times that when my dad was alive, she was a sweet, funny, loving angel. But anyway....

Chelsea has diagnosed mental issues, so I know that she can't necessarily help the damage she's caused. But that doesn't change the anger and resentment I feel towards her over the emotional and physical damage she's brought. She's slammed my head into a tile counter, she's thrown glasses at my mom, she's beaten in doors and punched holes in walls. She's threatened to kill my mother and me, she's told us dozens of times that she wishes we were dead. When my mom kicked her out because we just couldn't take it anymore, my grandmother ended up renting her a trailer. She got evicted from it. She's been evicted from a homeless shelter. A homeless shelter. How do you get evicted from a place for people who don't have a home? And worst of all, when my mom and I were in South Carolina in September 2007 so I could have my spine surgery, she invited some of her "friends" over, and they stole $11,000+ in jewelry, including my great-grandmother's diamond engagement/wedding ring set and the gold necklaces that were the last Christmas gifts my sisters and I received from my dad. And in my heart, I just keep thinking, how can I forgive that? I don't want to hate her. She's my sister. I want to have that close relationship with her that everyone expects to have with their siblings. (And, granted, my relationship with Holly isn't that great at the moment, but in the end, I know she'd be there for me. I know what I have with Holly is ten times better than what Chelsea and I have.) It's just like...how can I want to be there for someone who has repeatedly told my mom and me that she wants to disown us as family? As soon as I think I'm finally beginning to let go of the anger that I've built up towards her, she does some other horrible thing, and it's like I'm back to square one. The worst part of it all is that there have been times in the past year or so where I've actually questioned how much I really love her. And that scares the hell out of me. I want to love my sister like I love the rest of my family, more than anything in the world. But right now...I just don't.

I guess my biggest problem in all of this is begging God to take away my pain. Part of me has lost hope that these relationships are ever going to change. But maybe they will. And if they do, I will welcome them with open arms. My impatience is kicking in, making it hard to wait for things to turn around. I just hope and pray that one day God will take away my anger, my hurt, my frustration, my resentment, so I can love them again.

Ugh.

I've felt very dizzy and nauseous for the past 24 hours.
No idea what that's about.
So I've spent pretty much all my time in bed.
I guess it's a good thing that I'm just a kid who has no one depending on her.
Maybe I'll get some reading done.
The deadline for ACR in English is coming up soon.
Or maybe I'll just sleep.
Hmmm.....decisions, decisions.

:)

Hanging in there....

So there's not really much to say today.
Pain's not that good right now, so not in a very good mood.
But I'm hanging in there.

My mom's been making lots of good soups, so that's always nice. I love it when she cooks.
Sleeping lots.
Skipping a big Easter lunch with extended family tomorrow, though, mostly because I've felt so crappy today and my nose is still bleeding pretty heavy.

Thank you very very much to all those who have been checking in. You make me feel very blessed. :)

All the details.

Okay, so I was really planning on not writing this till tomorrow, but I needed something to distract myself from the pain, and this seemed like as good of an idea as any. So here goes...

Like I said in a previous post, we were told to be at the hospital at 6 am sharp. This meant my mom and I had to leave by 4:45. Not cool for two very not morning people, but we dealt with it. I thought I wasn't stressing about this surgery. But when I laid down to try to get a few hours of sleep that night, it was like as soon as my head hit the pillow, my eyes were as wide as could be. Laid there till about 2:30 before I realized I just wasn't going to get sleep. So I spent 2:30-4 watching George Lopez on Nick-at-nite and trying to distract myself from stressing about the surgery.

See, I'm used to not sleeping much the night before a surgery. It's just the way I deal with it, I guess. But usually, I sleep some. And this time was just made worse by the fact that I had been up since 8:30 Tuesday morning, from getting up for physical therapy, and before that I had only slept about three hours. So needless to say, I was exhausted. But anyway, I slept for about half an hour in the car, which was okay so I didn't have to think about how hungry and thirsty I was with my mom eating and drinking next to me.

We pulled up to the hospital with like three minutes to spare. The room was packed, which was surprising since it was so early. We checked in and waited.

And waited.

By 7:00, I was getting really ornery that every person in the room with us had been seen, or the person they were there for had been seen, and nobody had called my name. Plus, I really had to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to because the day of my last surgery, they had to do a urinalysis to make sure I was being honest when I said I really wasn't pregnant, and so I knew if I went to the bathroom then I wouldn't be able to do the test later. Well, the one good thing about the morning was that the really old dude sitting at the check-in desk went and got one of the nurses, and she said the only way they were going to have to do a urinalysis was if I was addicted to any drugs. Since I'm not, I could go to the bathroom freely. Sounds strange to be happy about something so simple, but like I said I was exhausted and pissed off, so any good news was really important to me at the time.

At 7:30, the same lady comes out to me and my mom and sits down with this "I pity you" look on her face. Apparently, we were the second surgery on the schedule that day. Their policy is to have the first and second surgeries get there at 6 am, so if the first surgery has to be cancelled for any reason, the second person would already be there. Well, just my luck, the first surgery of the day was on schedule. Guess what time my surgery was set for.

11:30.

Yes, that's right. ELEVEN THIRTY AM. Five and a half HOURS after my mom and I had arrived there. Not good. Not good at all.

Without even meaning to, I broke down sobbing, right there in a room full of strangers. Blame it on me being so incredibly overtired, but I just couldn't help it. Well, maybe this just made her feel even more sorry for me, so she offered to get my mom and I a private room with a bed and a TV so we could rest until the IV nurse and the anesthesiologist (spelling?) could come start getting me prepped. I was through the moon ecstatic about this.

So my mom and I got in the room and got some rest. About 8:30 the IV nurse came and she had to put my IV on the bottom of my wrist right underneath my palm, which is probably the most uncomfortable place I've ever had an IV. (And trust me, I've had them pretty much everywhere.) And at one point it started bugging me so bad that they almost took it out, but I eventually said "forget it" since it was a perfectly good IV. Retaping it fixed the pain. Go figure.

A little while later, the anesthesiologist came and gave me "some happy medicine" so I was chill. He then informed me that I had a urinary tract infection, so they'd be putting antibiotics in my IV to treat me for that. That was really bizarre to hear since I had had NO symptoms of one, but apparently my white blood cell count was what tipped them off. But I was just kind of "whatever, I've already got the IV in, put whatever you need to in there." He also ordered me a ebulizer treatment because I had some very faint wheezing, but it was again no big deal cause it's about as good as I ever get.

I did lots more sleeping thanks to the "happy medicine" they had given me, so I'm not really sure of what happened between then and about 10:30 when they came and wheeled me off.

One thing I do remember is that the OR smelled really good. The guy who was strapping me to the table, his name was Bill, said he'd never heard that before. Haha. Maybe I was imagining the smell. Then, it was weird. I basically just felt like I blinked, and then I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't even realize that the surgery had even happened until I got in the bathroom and looked at my face. Strange, huh? I normally at least have a faint memory of dozing off. But not this time. I guess that's a good thing.

We ended up getting back home at about 6:00 yesterday evening. I've been having lots of soup and chocolate pudding, which are two of my favorite things. Hah. I was feeling and looking a lot better than I expected to yesterday. Sleeping was nice.

The day after the surgery is always the worst for me, so the pain is really bad today, but I'm dealing with it. I've got Hydrocodone and Tylenol with Codine to keep the pain to a minimum. So I'm fair. The swelling is a lot better than what I thought it was going to be. My doc said I was gonna look like a raccoon, and I don't even look that different from normal, except for the fact that ya know, my nose is swollen.

Post-op check is Wednesday. My mom goes back to work next Thursday the 16th. My homebound status ends April 30. So yeah, that about covers it.

Quick update

Just wanted to post and let anyone who was wondering know that I'm home and okay. The surgery went well. I'm in much better shape than I originally expected to be. The sleep feels especially nice, since it's been hard for me to sleep the past few days.

Details will come in the next few days as I feel better.

So.

Got a bunch of school stuff taken care of today.
Like the graduation project details.
Not worried about that anymore.
:)

Surgery tomorrow.
And ya know what? I'm still okay.
Maybe I'm too tired to stress.
If so, I guess it's a good thing.

What I know is this.
It's 11:34 p.m. EST at the moment.
I have to go take my medicine.
And then I have to get up at 4 am.
The hospital is about 1 hour 20 minutes away, and we have to be there at 6 am.
Heck, I feel worse for my mom than I do me right now.

Call it the hand of God.

Praying for Audrey and Stellan as I fall asleep tonight.
I have no idea when I'll be back.
But when I am, there will be a full update.

I promise. :)

I need some blog help.

So basically, when it comes to HTML, I'm a moron. Let me just say that right off the bat.
So I need some help, and I'm just hoping that SOMEONE will see this. I have two questions (as of now).

How do you add buttons to your sidebar?
How do you insert HTML to have a layout that isn't one automatically provided by blogger.com?

Whoever sees this and can help, thank you!

I am actually 16, right?

Because really, with all this college stuff on my brain, and the whole idea of actually leaving my mom, I feel like a scared 4 year old. It's really quite pathetic. I guess it's because my mom has been my only parent for almost the last decade, and so she's who I always depend on. Plus, with my wild medical history, she's had to take care of me a lot. So needless to say, the idea of not being around her every day is kind of horrifying. And there's that gnawing little voice in the back of my head that's telling me I'm such a baby for not wanting to be away from my mommy. But I can't help it, gosh darn it. I like her! She really is my best friend. *sigh* I guess I've got the next four and a half months to suck it up and get used to it. So we'll see how it goes.

The good news is that my college is only about two and a half hours away, so it won't be that hard for her to come get me some weekends, or if something really bad were to happen.

Surgery's Wednesday. My mom wants to take me up to my university Monday and Tuesday, and I really do want to go. However, with the surgery so close, there's a bunch of work I need to get done between now and then, since you know, I'm gonna be laid out for about a week afterwards. So I really don't know what would be best. If we don't go now, we really wouldn't be able to go until mid to late May, and then all the students will be gone, and most of the professors could be, too, which would kind of defeat the purpose of going.

By the way, is it a scary thing to realize that I'm not even really scared about the surgery? I guess when you go through something so many times, the fear kind of diminishes. I mean, yes, it is a big deal, but I've been through brain and spine surgery, risking, ya know, death or paralysis, so sinus surgery seems pretty minor in retrospect.

My mom's grades are due tomorrow, and so I spent two hours grading like 300 homeworks. After sitting in the same position for that long, my entire body hurts. Seriously. So yeah, this is all the thinking I've got left tonight.