tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4048018311887818767.post6168284540213180372..comments2024-03-16T20:02:30.184-04:00Comments on Beauty in the Breakdown: Y'all will probably want to skip this post.Malloryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05659818100539257348noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4048018311887818767.post-58721845045743859202010-10-10T03:18:19.588-04:002010-10-10T03:18:19.588-04:00Oh Mallory... I don't even know where to begin...Oh Mallory... I don't even know where to begin.<br /><br />I'm not sure if you've read about "The Devirginator" on my blog before? I've only written about him a few times, but... he is one of my best friends. In fact, I was talking to him last weekend when I broke my toe!<br /><br />When we were in high school, we used to joke that we were Dawson and Joey. We were extremely close friends, but he was always dating other girls. We never actually dated, and then one day I decided; I wanted to lose my virginity to him. I was so deeply passionately in love with him, and I knew it was him I wasnted to lose it to. I also believed that doing so would make him realize how in love he was with me.<br /><br />Well... It didn't actually turn out like that. In fact, things kind of fell apart and we wound up not talking for almost 6 months. It broke my heart.<br /><br />I will say, I have never regretted losing my virginity to him. I mean, how many girls can say they lost it to someone who is still in their lives today? But... I also believe that we were never truly in love. We were (and still are) soul mates in many ways, but that doesn't necessarily mean to people are meant to be together. As adults now, it is laughable to think I had ever wanted a future with him. We are incredibly close, but we want two very different things out of life and would never work as a couple. There hasn't been anything romantic between us in years. In fact; we are each others first calls when we need dating advice now!<br /><br />I only say all this to say that what you feel now may not be what you feel 5 years from now. I know that is impossible to believe now, and I remember thinking I was so in love that my chest was going to be crushed. I also know I have been in love since, and true love doesn't feel like that. It doesn't feel like life or death. And it doesn't remain un-returned either. I love this man with all my heart, but I've realized since that that was all it ever was. I always loved him, but as far as us being "in love"? It was never there... It just felt like it should be, so I pushed it and tried to force it and when it didn't work out as I had planned; I allowed it to consume me and become all I thought about. Like I said though; true love doesn't work like that.<br /><br />I'm not sure whether or not Matt is the guy for you, but I know for me; I never believed there could be anyone else, and then suddenly there was. And now, my dear friend and I have a friendship that I wouldn't give up for anything in this world. One that no one could ever come between, but that will not ever be anything more. And that's OK. It's good in fact. It's the way things were meant to be.<br /><br />So as hard as it may be to believe, allow yourself to trust in the fact that this may not be all the universe has to offer. He is very possibly meant to be in your life, but that may just be as a friend. And years from now, you may be more grateful for that friendship than you could ever imagine. You also may see him as someone you would never actually want to be with. Because loving someone, does not mean you could have a functional relationship with them. And these are things you can only learn with time.<br /><br />You say he knows of your feelings, so I would trust in that. Unfortunately, life isn't like the romantic movies. If he hasn't acted on those feelings up to this point, the truth is that he probably never will. BUT (and this is a big bad but!) that may not necessarily be a bad thing, and someday you may very well look back on this and laugh at yourself for being so sure when in reality, he was so clearly not the one for you.<br /><br />I know that's exactly what happened to me.<br /><br />Lots of love to you lady. I've been there, and I know that only time can ease it, but one day... you won't feel this ache anymore. I promise you that.S.I.F.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15037271343194689612noreply@blogger.com